The job search is in full swing and things have actually been going pretty well. No responses to my applications yet, but I'm hopeful.
In my last post someone asked me if I'd been swayed by my husband's recent hospitalization. The answer to that is absolutely not. If anything, it solidified my resolve. He was hospitalized because his body has developed a sensitivity to marijuana and it makes him extremely ill. Its a relatively new syndrome called "Cannabinoid Hyperemesis Syndrome". I've only been able to find a few years worth of research on it, but it all is very clear. Stop using the drug, and the problems stop. H refused to believe me when I first presented him with the information a few months ago and continued to use. When he got sick this time, it was too late. He said he agrees with me about why he was getting sick, and has stopped using, or so he says, but the damage is done. He has repeatedly put his own wants above the NEEDS of our family, and I will not stand for that. That is a large part of why I did not spend much time with him at the hospital.
Since he's been home, not much has changed, and I didn't expect them to. I'm done waiting for him to realize that what he's done and doing is wrong, and correct the behavior. He will admit fairly readily that his actions of abusive behavior were wrong (although he will never admit that they are abusive) but he does nothing to correct the behavior later. He's always sorry until the next time. I'm done wringing my hands and trying to avoid the next time. If he's going to change he's going to have to do it without me.
Sorry to post and run, I know that's frustrating, but I am back to the job search and will check in later as I can. I just wanted to let you all know that I am still here, still working toward my goal, and not giving up.
Thanks to everyone for your words of encouragement on my last post. I was having a pity party and needed to snap out of it. Rest assured, I'm done feeling sorry for myself, it's not going to change the situation, only action will.