June 2008 Weddings
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Hmm... can I vent?

Sorry, nothing sexy or exciting, just needed to vent. 

DH doesn't get it.  Ever since his brother died he's kind of numb to death-related stuff.

A guy I grew up with died this week.  Car accident, totally unexpected.  We weren't extremely close, but when you grow up in a small town, and you've known someone as long as you can remember, its hard not to feel an attachment.  He and I have brothers the same age, he and I were the same age, we both knew we wanted to go to college (and did), we both worked at the same fast food place in high school, we had the same teachers/homerooms growing up,  our families knew each other.. etc.

Its all just been so overwhelming. I feel funny because its not like I will "miss" him, as he was not part of my day-to-day life, but I'm so so sad he's gone.  I went to the wake with my mom and dad, and we talked to his family, and I just lost it crying.  I didn't want to appear disrespectful because we weren't close, but I was just SO sad. I'm still really sad about this, and I just can't figure out why.  Its frustrating not understanding why I'm so sad.  I still haven't been able to look at his facebook page since I heard.

Sorry, weird I know.  I've lost friends before...a close friend in high school and an ex-boyfriend commited suicide.  A neighbor of mind also commited suicide a little over a year ago.  This is just so hard and saddening and I can't figure out why.


Re: Hmm... can I vent?

  • I can relate. When my dad died in 2006 DH was "okay"... I mean, he was there for me and he held me as I cried... but he never one brought it up. He would never talk about it, and when I did he acted uncomfortable. To this day, it bugs me. But, he's never dealt with death before so I think that has a lot to do with it.

    Since your DH has been through a tragic death, my best guess is that it's just too painful for him to deal with. Everyone copes differently, ya know? 

    ((hugs)) to you, and I'm sorry for your loss. It always hits close to home when it's someone close in age/that you know... even if you weren't the best of friends. 

    T&P for his family too.

  • I'm sorry dehko.  :(  Sometimes things just hit a little too close to home. 

    My sister is 22 and has had 10 (!!!) kids from her graduating class die already.  Every time it has happened, she and I are crying about it even when they weren't super close to us.  We, like you, were from a small town and knew these kids, and sometimes it's just a huge reminder of our mortality and the frailness of life.

    I'm sorry your DH doesn't get it, mine doesn't either.  He usually says "woah, that sucks.  Crazy."  And returns back to whatever he was watching on ESPN.  He's not heartless, he just doesn't have a grip on loss because he's never experienced a significant one.  Maybe your DH is afraid to get too much info about it because it could cause an emotional avalanche, if you will.  Either way, I'm so sorry, and hang in there. :(

    Married in 2008 - DD born in 2010 - EDD 6.15.2012!
  • I'm sorry.  Some people just don't know how to handle it.  When someone young and healthy dies suddenly and in such a terrible way, it's bound to leave a mark on you.  They've been around all your life, and now their gone. 

    I've lost a lot of people too, and it never gets any easier.  Your DH may be a selfish griever- he's lost someone close, so you shouldn't be so emotional about someone you aren't close to.  Well, you're allowed to feel how you feel and he's allowed to have his own grief too. 

    Again, I'm sorry for your loss. 

  • Thanks so much ladies.
  • I understand how you're feeling. The mother of one of my students died unexpectedly a few years ago and I was really upset for several days. I hardly knew the woman personally, but thinking about her children and the tragic circumstances surrounding the whole thing (she was shot while she slept in her home), devastated me. Even I couldn't understand why I was reacting the way I was because, like you said, I wasn't going to "miss" her, it was just a really sad situation.



    TTC #1 since July 2012

  • I'm so sorry for your loss. I actually had a similar occurance this week. A girl I was close to in early HS (but not since) lost her husband this week. I don't know how he died, only that it was unexpected. He was 26. Their daughters are 3 years old and 18 months old, and all I could think was that they won't remember him at all. To lose your spouse and the father to your children so young... it just breaks my heart. Even though I didn't know him at all, I was in a funk all day. Anyway, just wanted to say that I understand how you're feeling, and I'm sorry.
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