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BR: sleep (again again)- UPDATED!

He's CIO right now and I'm second guessing myself. I don't know what ELSE to try so it seems like this is the last possible resort.

It's only been a little over 20 minutes and it's killing me. I don't know when to go in. Last time we tried "Ferber" it made it worse when we went in, so I don't want that to happen. 

This sucks. :'( 

Re: BR: sleep (again again)- UPDATED!

  • Is he hungry? No.

    Does his diaper need changed? No.

    Physically he is hurt? No.

    Then he'll be fine. It doesn't have to be cruel, you can go in there assure him that he's fine and that you're there even if you think it makes it worse. He just needs to get into the habit of being able to put himself to sleep.

    Are you quitting night feedings and trying to get STTN at the same time?

    Perhaps choose one, accomplish it, then work on the other.

    ETA: If nursing calms him, nurse him as you usually would before you put him to bed, but cut him off before he is completely out of it, lie him down awake and leave the room. I know this sucks for you and I know my advice sucks, but I'm just trying to throw anything out there that maybe you haven't tried. . . . . also where is your DH in all of this? You need your rest girly, he can get up and do a night feeding if this route doesn't work.

    [IMG]http://i73.photobucket.com/albums/i220/trickeytricky/463073_361060323935872_249254421783130_980011_919771394_o-1.jpg[/IMG]<BR><BR><a href=http://crapcutters.blogspot.com target="_blank">Cut the Crap: a weight loss blog</a><BR><BR><a href="http://www.myfitnesspal.com"><img src="http://badges.myfitnesspal.com/badges/show/1040/5494/10405494.weight-lost-sm.gif" border="0"></a><p style="text-align: center;width:226px;"></p>
  • image trickeytricky:

    Is he hungry? No.

    Does his diaper need changed? No.

    Physically he is hurt? No.

    Then he'll be fine. It doesn't have to be cruel, you can go in there assure him that he's fine and that you're there even if you think it makes it worse. He just needs to get into the habit of being able to put himself to sleep.

    Are you quitting night feedings and trying to get STTN at the same time?

    Perhaps choose one, accomplish it, then work on the other.

    I agree with everything Trickey is saying. Wish I would follow all of that. HA!

    Yeah, and from what I've read about night weaning, you have to do it gradually otherwise hell could ensue.

    Hang in there! You are my inspiration!

    image
    Neena Mae. 1/7/10
    "A baby nursing at a mother's breast is an undeniable affirmation of our rootedness in nature." - David Suzuki
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • I honestly feel like we have to do it cold turkey. I think I'm going to follow the Jay Gordon "7 hour" rule... so tonight he finished nursing at 9:30. If he wakes before 4:30 no nursing, afterwards he can.

    I swear, he is like no other kid I've ever heard of, lol.

    He's calming down... thank God. Still fussing (b*tching!) but not screaming. Here's hoping..........................

  • image TeacherTiff:

    I honestly feel like we have to do it cold turkey. I think I'm going to follow the Jay Gordon "7 hour" rule... so tonight he finished nursing at 9:30. If he wakes before 4:30 no nursing, afterwards he can.

    I swear, he is like no other kid I've ever heard of, lol.

    He's calming down... thank God. Still fussing (b*tching!) but not screaming. Here's hoping..........................

    Oh yeah! Maybe I should do that tonight... She went down at 8:30 so no nursing until after 3:30.

    I don't think is quite as bad as Nolan, but pretty close. I can say that it has gotten better with age, though. So, that's good!

    image
    Neena Mae. 1/7/10
    "A baby nursing at a mother's breast is an undeniable affirmation of our rootedness in nature." - David Suzuki
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • image TeacherTiff:

    I honestly feel like we have to do it cold turkey. I think I'm going to follow the Jay Gordon "7 hour" rule... so tonight he finished nursing at 9:30. If he wakes before 4:30 no nursing, afterwards he can.

    I swear, he is like no other kid I've ever heard of, lol.

    He's calming down... thank God. Still fussing (b*tching!) but not screaming. Here's hoping..........................



    Your 7 hour rule sounds great! We did a similar thing, I always said if he wakes up before 2 I wasn't getting out of bed ... after 2 I'd go in.

    There are others like him, trust me and Jenn and Jill and Erin and so and so. ;)

    Like Jenn said earlier, I learned to adapt to it, but that doesn't mean you have to. I could not imagine being in your shoes; dealing with this while PG with twinkies. Gah! You're one tough cookie!!
    [IMG]http://i73.photobucket.com/albums/i220/trickeytricky/463073_361060323935872_249254421783130_980011_919771394_o-1.jpg[/IMG]<BR><BR><a href=http://crapcutters.blogspot.com target="_blank">Cut the Crap: a weight loss blog</a><BR><BR><a href="http://www.myfitnesspal.com"><img src="http://badges.myfitnesspal.com/badges/show/1040/5494/10405494.weight-lost-sm.gif" border="0"></a><p style="text-align: center;width:226px;"></p>
  • image TeacherTiff:

    I honestly feel like we have to do it cold turkey. I think I'm going to follow the Jay Gordon "7 hour" rule... so tonight he finished nursing at 9:30. If he wakes before 4:30 no nursing, afterwards he can.

    I swear, he is like no other kid I've ever heard of, lol.

    He's calming down... thank God. Still fussing (b*tching!) but not screaming. Here's hoping..........................

    Good idea with the 7 hour rule. Is there anything you have that would calm him?  If he doesn't do a pacifier, a blanket or stuffed animal?

    I would say if it got to 45 min of all out crying then go in an comfort him. But I agree going in always made it worse here. I remember saying afterwards that there was no point going in since she was more worked up me going in there than staying away. If he is just fussing, then he is learning. He will sleep.

    When you getting the video monitor? It really did help with this. 

    ETA: at a mom's group I go to they compare the waking nursing/eating to this:

    It is like chocolate cake. If you had a fresh piece of chocolate cake (or anything yummy) on your night stand at all hours of night available to you - if you woke up, would you eat the cake? OH YES. So don't offer it since they don't need it and just want it. Hell I want a lot of things I don't need, and my thighs thank me for it....haha.

  • Do/did you allow yourself to go in and check on him at all? 

    When we did CIO a few times with J we let her go at increasing intervals and when we went in to check we laid her down, pat, shush, give paci/blankie and leave.  Did she cry harder after?  Sometimes. But, it got her to know we were still there, loved her, it was just night time, not play time, etc.  Also, it helped us knowing we had a plan 'just 5 more mins and we can check on her, etc". 

    Thinking of you guys.  Stay strong!

     

     

  • I am so glad you have you girls.

    He stopped after 40 minutes. He isn't asleep, but he is sitting there peering out of his crib- quiet. I peeked in on him (I crawled so he wouldn't see me, lol). Seeing him sitting there like he was in jail made me burst into tears- damn hormones. 

    I KNOW this is best for us in the long run. I just hope we can survive the weekend, and then it will have to start getting better. 

    DH thinks a video monitor is a waste of money. :( It would really help me though... I may check out CL so it won't be quite as much...

  • He has a lovey and a little stuffed dog in there. He isn't attached to anything like that, but I was hoping it would make him feel a little better.

    Megan, in the past when we've tried I've gone in there at increasing intervals and it makes it worse. He nearly always would throw up afterward because he was so upset. :( So, I didn't this time. We decided when he wakes up overnight we'll give him 10 minutes to see if he calms down on his own, then go in. I'm hoping it'll work...

  • image TeacherTiff:

    I am so glad you have you girls.

    He stopped after 40 minutes. He isn't asleep, but he is sitting there peering out of his crib- quiet. I peeked in on him (I crawled so he wouldn't see me, lol). Seeing him sitting there like he was in jail made me burst into tears- damn hormones. 

    I KNOW this is best for us in the long run. I just hope we can survive the weekend, and then it will have to start getting better. 

    DH thinks a video monitor is a waste of money. :( It would really help me though... I may check out CL so it won't be quite as much...

    AYFKM?  It's the best thing ever.  I can tell when she's really awake or just talking in her sleep (which she does a LOT).  I can know when she's really asleep without waking her up.  And with the two way, I can talk to her from wherever. 

    I'm super cheap (crazy, crazy cheap) and it was one of our best decisions.  When your DH gets up every 3 hours, he can decide if its a waste. 

     

  • I really wish we would have had a video monitor when Kellen was younger, heck I wish we had one now. If I walk in there to check on him to see if he is sleeping and he's not, I can forget about him going back to sleep. I think we might be seeing the light at the end of the tunnel with the whole STTN thing with him now though. He hasn't woken up in the middle of the night to come in our room in over 2 weeks now! I am so stoked. Now, that I typed that out I probably jinxed myself and he will wake up tonight at 2 am banging on his door to come to us lol. It does get better with age, but when your kid doesn't sleep the first year is definitely hell. CIO was the only thing that worked for Kellen.

    We had a rough couple of months with both kids not sleeping very well at night where I thought I was going to lose it, but we made it through. Tessa seems to be back on the STTN track for the most part, thank goodness.

  • image trickeytricky:

    Is he hungry? No.

    Does his diaper need changed? No.

    Physically he is hurt? No.

    Then he'll be fine. It doesn't have to be cruel, you can go in there assure him that he's fine and that you're there even if you think it makes it worse. He just needs to get into the habit of being able to put himself to sleep.

    All of this!  When we first did CIO with Marshall Sam made a comment that he sounded so sad...my response was that he isn't sad...he's p!ssed because he's not getting his way! 

    I know that it sucks right now, but like you already know, this will be so much better for him in the long run because he is learning how to self-soothe and put himself to sleep.  And all of that means some much needed relief for you! 

    I know you said you tried the Ferber method and that it didn't work (going in and checking on him...which I totally understand!), but did you read the book?  I am so glad that I got it because it gave me so many insights on sleep in general. 

    Good luck!  Stick with it...the next few nights may suck, but I think you'll see improvement quickly!

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  • hope it is all going well. and that your husbnd realizes how amazingly helpful (and sanity keeping) a video monitor is.
  • I hope he finally went down for the night for you. We're in the middle of another rough one too, so you're not alone tonight. Good  luck!
  • GUYS........ IT WORKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    The first time he cried for 40 minutes total. About 25 of those were sobbing/screaming, then it gradually got quieter until he was just sitting in his crib. About 10 minutes later he laid down and FELL ASLEEP.

    He woke up again about 30 minutes later and cried for 10 minutes. 

    He then woke up at 1-something, 3-something, 6, and 730. I was getting ready to go nurse him at 6 but I needed to pee. By the time I was done, he was asleep again! So, he didn't nurse until 730 this morning!!!!!!!!!! All of those times he woke up he fussed- no all out wailing. We had a "10 minute" rule for the middle of the night wakings, and we never once had to go in there. I don't think he ever even made it to 5 minutes.

    I know it's not going to happen overnight, but holy hell... this is a step in the right direction!! 

    (I'm not thrilled with being up at 730 instead of our usual 930 but ehh, we'll live, haha). 

  • That's fantastic! I hope it keeps getting better each day for you.
  • Yay!!!  I hope this is the beginning of some sleep for you finally.  Too bad I cant let a 5 week old CIO :)  I need SLEEP.

    Silly Face


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  • Glad it's working, now you just have to stick with it, one give in can ruin any progress.

    It always feels like they are crying longer than they are, especially during the night, in the long run 5-10 minutes isn't all that bad, but if you aren't watching the clock it can seem like a lifetime.
    [IMG]http://i73.photobucket.com/albums/i220/trickeytricky/463073_361060323935872_249254421783130_980011_919771394_o-1.jpg[/IMG]<BR><BR><a href=http://crapcutters.blogspot.com target="_blank">Cut the Crap: a weight loss blog</a><BR><BR><a href="http://www.myfitnesspal.com"><img src="http://badges.myfitnesspal.com/badges/show/1040/5494/10405494.weight-lost-sm.gif" border="0"></a><p style="text-align: center;width:226px;"></p>
  • Hopefully it works again tonight and Nolan starts to learn that Mommy needs sleep!!!
  • Hopefully he continues on the track of soothing himself to sleep and you start to get some good sleep. 
  • That's how it starts!  GO NOLAN!!!!  I think the 10 min rule during the night makes a lot of sense. Even for "good" sleepers. J is sometimes up for a while having a talking party in the middle of the night or even randomly cries out.
  • Awesome, I am so glad for you!  You really deserve a full night's sleep!

    We had some minor sleep regression with Natalie a few months ago and the CIO method worked on the first night.

    When I felt bad about the crying I tried to remember that we are arming our kids with the lifelong skill of self-soothing that will help them have the ability to sleep well through adulthood. 

    Married in 2008 - DD born in 2010 - EDD 6.15.2012!
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