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Gender Role Reversal...

Hello all,


I have been married about a month now and went into marriage from a long distance relationship. We "fooled around" before marriage and had oral sex, touching, etc. We primarily saved actual sex for marriage. It is incredible. I love it and it's basically my most favorite thing ever. But.... I want way more than him.


I talked to him candidly about wanting more and he said "I am just a simple man with simple needs. Sometimes I just want to cuddle instead. I don't feel the need to do it every night. Sex leaves me so satisfied, it takes me a little bit, sometimes a day or two, before I'm ready for more."


I am not looking for advice about how to get him more interested... I am working on that. I mostly want to know if anyone else has a husband like this. Are any of your husbands content to a have sex a few times a week, even if you practically throw yourself at their feet? I just find this behavior so contrary to everything I have ever read about a young, newly married man with an agreeable wife. I'm glad he is happy and satisfied, and I LOVE that he appreciates cuddling...But... is this abnormal?

Re: Gender Role Reversal...

  • My husband and I got married in April. He has always had a lower sex drive then me. If it were my decision, we'd be doing it twice a day! But he's the same as your husband- satisfied with a few times a week. It's been extremely frustrating but I learn to live with it because when we do have sex, its awesome.


    I guess I don't really have advice, but yes there are people out there in your situation.

  • My husband and I were like you, we waited to have sex until we got married.  He told me before we got married that he wanted to have sex every day.  After we got married and had sex, I wanted to have sex every day too, but have found that he is mostly content with once a week instead of the once a day like he said before we got married.  I always thought guys wanted to have more sex than women too, so I've been very confused.  I don't have a solution either, otherwise we'd be having more sex.  :/ 

  • We are like this too, I want it just about every day, and he is satisfied with 3 or so times a week. Everyone's different, and it doesn't mean your relationship is abnormal, there are couples out there like you.

    Just as long as you're clear with each other, and communicate, you'll be fine. I think we've mostly settled into what works for us. I still want it more, but now that we're really clear about when he is or isn't in the mood, and I have more of a feel for being able to tell if he's open to it. There's less rejection that way, which keeps my ego intact, and keeps our sexual relationship on a good page.

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  • I don't have anything useful to contribute, only a complaint about the title of your post. The more stock one puts into "typical gender norms" the more disappointed one is with actual reality. 

    To assume a newly married husband will want sex every day because that's what you've heard does a terrible disservice to him. It creates unrealistic expectations and undue pressure on him to live up to what YOU think he should be. Suppose he heeds your assumptions and expects that you will mostly want cuddle time and much less sex? Merely because you're a woman, and that's what all women want. Wouldn't that be a great disservice to you?

    You have recently discovered that you love sex and want it often. He has recently discovered that he doesn't need sex as often. Why is your discovery ok but not his? I suggest you do some deep, critical thinking about expectations based on sex and gender and try to cut your husband some slack.

    I guess I did have something useful to say.

    ps....your post title initially had me thinking your H was submissive in bed, or liked to wear women's lingerie: that's what a gender role reversal actually is, not this non-issue. 


    ~ The Nestie formally known as MrsBrittany ~
  • A few times a week is fine. Honestly I know you are newly married but you don't want your whole relationship to become just about sex that won't be good either. I think that balance is key everything in moderation. You are not weird my husband and I have been married a little over a year and we have sex a few times a month. It is difficult to do it everyday especially with work my husband works two jobs and we are opposite schedules not to mention tired after working all day. I say be realistic stay calm don't put everything on yourself and just enjoy it.
    "A women who can kneel before the Lord can stand up to anything"
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