August 2010 Weddings
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My daily wut.

So, as many of you know, I lost my mom in January this year. Rebuilding my relationship with my dad has been difficult, because he's relied on me more as a friend and confidant than a daughter (especially lately through the loss of my grampa- his dad- and him having to go through the entire family's stuff and sell my grandparents' house), and there have been a lot of times where I wish he could have just been Dad again. One of the first bizarre things my dad said out of shock when everything happened was that he didn't think Mom wanted him to spend the rest of his life alone thinking about her, and asked me what I thought of him finding someone new. I had zero response to that 18 hours after Mom died.

So tonight he called me to let me know that he scheduled the closing on my grandparents' house. And among other things, he dropped this bomb on me.

He's going to NJ this weekend to visit a friend. A ladyfriend. 

 

Wut.

 

I seriously have no idea how I feel about this. I think he doesn't know how he feels about this either. I have been WTFing for the past hour since I got off the phone. I mean, it's been SIX FREAKING MONTHS. Not even. Granted I don't know how long he should "mourn" and stay single, but wut. Seriously, just wut. 

 

vent over.

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Re: My daily wut.

  • Wow.  My first reaction is that I agree that it seems a little fast.  But then again, I agree that everyone does things at their own pace.  What was your reaction to him when he told you? 
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  • I was just in total shock, total lack of response other than "wut."

     

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  • As pp said, people react to things differently, and in their own time, true.  

    But I would also agree that this is a very short time to start searching or even thinking about searching for another women.  

    I will say this: maybe he seeks the companionship of a female his age because he misses your mom so much??  I know that this is an azz-backwards way of showing it, but maybe he truly can't be without that feeling of a partner in life. Some people aren't really ready for that type of thing, but they just need to fill the emptiness with a stand-in until they are brave/strong enough to cope with their grief.  Total speculation from seeing this with someone else I know; I can't remember from old posts what your dad is like.  :-(

    Regardless, I'm so sorry Moshi, and I'm so sorry you can't just be the "kid" through this sometimes, and have your dad be the "grown-up."

    Six months is the blink of an eye when it comes to losing someone you love deeply, and were very connected to. 

  • imagebranz7:

    As pp said, people react to things differently, and in their own time, true.  

    But I would also agree that this is a very short time to start searching or even thinking about searching for another women.  

    I will say this: maybe he seeks the companionship of a female his age because he misses your mom so much??  I know that this is an azz-backwards way of showing it, but maybe he truly can't be without that feeling of a partner in life. Some people aren't really ready for that type of thing, but they just need to fill the emptiness with a stand-in until they are brave/strong enough to cope with their grief.  Total speculation from seeing this with someone else I know; I can't remember from old posts what your dad is like.  :-(

    Regardless, I'm so sorry Moshi, and I'm so sorry you can't just be the "kid" through this sometimes, and have your dad be the "grown-up."

    Six months is the blink of an eye when it comes to losing someone you love deeply, and were very connected to. 

    I think this may be the case.  I have always heard that the sooner a widow/widower finds a new signifigant other, the stronger their marriage was.  They miss that feeling & don't want to be alone.

    My FIL started dating a friend of the family 2 months after MIL passed away.  Infact the woman had been one of MIL's best friends.  She had lost her husband a few years ago and she & FIL just go together well.  I can't picture FIL being alone, he is just not that type of guy.

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  • That would feel really soon to me as well. I know that I read somewhere that a very large percentage of men who lose their spouses get married within the year of their wife's death. It very common for men to want to settle down again quickly. I don't know if it's because they can't be alone or they need someone to take care of them, but it's definitely been shown that this is not uncommon. Whereas women tend to wait and be independant for a while.
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