Sex & Romance
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Are we the only ones who can't figure this out?

So, first post on TN... I swear I will try to be as brief as possible but I don't want to leave out important details either.

 We've been married just over a week and we were virgins, though we found quite a bit to do without having direct genital contact. On our honeymoon, we were only really successful about half the times we attempted to have sex. One of three things would happen: 1) It wouldn't go in at all and we gave up after a while. 2) It went in, at least partially. But then we made one move and it just bent and slid out. 3) (the successful times) It went in maybe halfway and stayed in and we were both able to enjoy ourselves.

 It's really disappointing and frustrating to me that this is so difficult. Is it actually normal to have to practically force the penis in by hand? Are we doing something wrong? And the lack of depth confuses me as well. I have a toy just shy of his size that I can fit all the way in, so why not him too? Lubrication can't be the problem, since he's eaten me out every time before we tried penetration. And unfortunately, I won't be able to actually try any suggestions until next week when my pill period is over and I can start my new pack. 

Re: Are we the only ones who can't figure this out?

  • It sounds like he isn't hard enough to penetrate if he is bending and falling out.
  • I second waiting until he is completely hard before yo attenpt penetration.

    I chalk this up to sexual inexperience.

     Don't forget: lots and lots of foreplay. Then go for it. Enjoy.:)

  • He isn't hard enough for penetration.

    The strength of his penis has to be the strength of a cardboard binder...I know it sounds weird, but you know how you can feel the cardboard on the inside, but the binder is hard?  That's how he needs to feel. 


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  • it sounds like he has not broken your hymen completely yet. For me with my frst sex partner it took him about 2 weeks of trying before he was able to fully penetrate me and break my hymen. I felt an immediate difference (pain, started to bleed) and he was able to enter me completely.

    Just keep trying- what finally worked for us was using a studded condom, but it was pretty painful.

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  • My Husband and I were both virgins when we got married few weeks ago also. We were having the same problems the first couple days, but decided that we were both getting a little stressed when it came to penetration because we wanted it so bad but it just wast working, so we tried to relax more and have more foreplay, we even decided to not do anything for a day (I was pretty sore from the first night and it helped me to relax more and heal). We also used some lubrication, it helps, even if he has eaten you out. You should also try different positions, like the higher i put my legs up if he is on top the deeper he can go, but if my legs are lower its hard for him to go deeper.
  • Thanks for the suggestions, ladies. I wondered if he might be having performance anxiety and he was struggling a bit to keep it hard at all. We'll try some more next week and see how it goes.
  • It sounds like he needs to be harder and you might need to be a bit more wet, either from foreplay or lube. No, you shouldn't have to force it so much. Inexperience. Keep at it.

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  • Since you are both new at this, I would suggest you get a book about sexual positions and try some out together. 

     I agree with PPs - he needs to be really hard, too.  Lots of foreplay will help. 

  • I totally agree that he needs to be totally hard and I will add that even if you think you are wet enough a little extra lubrication can go a loooooooooooong way. I would suggest starting with a water based lubricant since it is safe with just about any condom or toy.

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  • Pretty much second everything everyone else has said - and those things will probably fix it for you.  But in case you still have problems, let me tell you a quick thing from my experience that probably isn't common, but may also be an issue.

     You said that he's "eaten [you] out" every time before you tried penetration.  I know, for me, I absolutely cannot orgasm from oral sex if I want to have vaginal intercourse afterwards.  Something about having an intense orgasm makes all the muscles in my vaginal wall clamp up and there is no way my husband can get even so much as a finger inside of me let alone his entire penis after that.  I have very intense, rather lengthy multiple orgasms, so maybe that has something to do with it - I can only do that once and then I need a rest for a little bit.

     So while I really do think the problem is either he's not hard enough or your hymen is not completely broken, be aware that there is such a thing as too much foreplay, and you may want to invest in some K-Y instead of trying to lube up the "all natural" way.


  • I would agree with everyone else on here who is saying he might not be hard enough.

    Also, don't knock the lube. People who are lacking in the lubrication department use it but people who want to enhance the experience use it as well.  My husband read some article on lube or something and now he keeps busting it out as it makes sex even better. There are plenty of times we don't use it but we like to add it to spice things up. We have used KY warming, KY silk, and the whole yours+min thing. Note about the yours+mine - you must apply as directed and insert asap or else the ladies will feel like there's a fire in her crotch! ouch. The silk one works great.

    One last possibility... perhaps him eating you out is taking away some of your own natural lubrication which could make it harder to do... 

  • Just to follow up, we had sex for the first time since the honeymoon today and it was great! We even managed to change up the position this time. So thanks for your support and advice, ladies!
  • Yay!!! Get it girl!! Have fun!!
  • So I was a virgin when I got married ( a year tommorow!) my husband wasnt. I still cant orgasm during intercourse!! only with foreplay. We havent had alot of practice, my husband got EXTREMLY sick after our wedding we spent the first few months in the hospital so no sex. Hes feeling better now but is so discouraged that sex "doesnt work for me" so he doesnt want to try. Im SOOOO frusterated Ive waited 25years for this. Is it possible my Hylmm still isnt broken? or is there something wrong with me?
    Mountain girl
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