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The things my sister says.

My sister is 20, pregnant and getting married in less than two months. I love her, but she is my worst enemy at times.

When talking about planning her wedding she spouted out this gem "Missa, you are going to be last one to get married and probably the last one to have a kid. Ha." Gee really? I think that is pretty damn obvious because one of my two siblings is married and openly TTC, and my other sibling is six months pregnant and getting married in August, so duh.

The second prize winner came out with in the blue at lunch. "O.M.G. Missa. You are going to be SO OLD when you get married now. No really. You are 25 now, you will be 27 when you get married and the soonest you can have a kid is 28. That is so old. Think about it, you'll be like fifty when the kid is twenty. So old." She keeps acting like I am some over the hill desperate bride with dried up eggs.

Re: The things my sister says.

  • Your sister sounds like a twit.
    I agree with everything that muddled said. You should listen to her. -ESDReturns
  • She is 20.

    Anybody a second over the ripe ole age of 22 is ready for AARP, according to a 20 year old.

     

  • You realize that your sister is an idiot, right?

    I sure as hell wouldn't worry about what a knocked-up, unmarried 20 year old thinks about "good" timelines for marriage and babies.

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  • Yes

    image Muddled:
    Your sister sounds like a twit.

    Who cares what your sister thinks? She's 20 and obviously trying to justify her life by comparing it to yours. Very immature. She has a lot of growing up to do.

  • image TarponMonoxide:

    She is 20.

    Anybody a second over the ripe ole age of 22 is ready for AARP, according to a 20 year old.

     

     

    Ditto this!  Is it bad that I am nesting from a rocking chair?

  • Who cares what she thinks? It's not when you have the child and get married, but how successful and happy you are. There's just more to life than time frames.
  • Remind her of this when you're out having fun at night or taking a spontaneous weekend trip someplace, and she can't join in because she has a baby to worry about.
    image
  • Remind her of this when she?s divorced in a few years.  She probably won?t be able to re-marry untilshe?s (gasp) 30!  She?ll be an ancient single mom!  

  • It sounds to me like she's secretly less than thrilled about her situation and wants to make it seem enviable, when it isn't.  
    image
  • I actually feel sorry for your sister - you have your life together and are mature and responsible, and she's not. I feel sorry for her kid, too. Whatever she says, it's her own insecurity and jealousy talking. Ignore it. It's not worth getting upset.
  • I am not overly angry about her but it ticked me off enough that I wanted to vent it out. She and my 22 year old SIL spent the entire time between planning out wedding details throwing out achievements. Sister is going to get married and have a kid the fastest in between. SIL was first to get married. Sister is going to have the first grand kid. SIL was the youngest to get married. It gets grating after the third "achievement."

    I spent the entire time saying over and over "Can we get back to the wedding?" Which I am only helping with planning because my family is overly worried about it so me and SIL are putting our skills together to get it done.

    I think a few of you hit it right on the nail about her lack of excitement or happiness for her own life at the moment. Dress shopping was such a chore because she was so not interested in it. Me, my SIL and her friend had those "Ohhhh" moments when she put on a few dresses, but she made the duck face the entire time. And eventually went with a white summer dress that she found earlier. She hasn't picked out wedding colors, doesn't want to. She doesn't want a bridal party, a veil or a bouquet. She can't stand almost all flowers. Decor she couldn't care less about as long as it's not formal. We asked her why she doesn't just go elope or go to the courthouse. She answered "Because my future husband is a woman inside."

  • Age doesn't mean anything, she could be older and still an idiot. I'm only 21, and would never say such a thing to anybody, I have sense. It's disrespectful to you, or whoever listen to that. And come on.. you're helping her with her wedding and she keeps acting like she's 10? 

    Think about it, when you get married and have your kid.. she'll be a single mom, because I doubt that with her behavior any husband would tolerate her. Next time she say something like this, say flat out.. ''why would you say such a thing about me? If you do not stop I'm done helping you.'' 

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  • image MattNCarol:

    Age doesn't mean anything, she could be older and still an idiot. I'm only 21, and would never say such a thing to anybody, I have sense. It's disrespectful to you, or whoever listen to that. And come on.. you're helping her with her wedding and she keeps acting like she's 10? 

    Think about it, when you get married and have your kid.. she'll be a single mom, because I doubt that with her behavior any husband would tolerate her. Next time she say something like this, say flat out.. ''why would you say such a thing about me? If you do not stop I'm done helping you.'' 

    To be honest, and this is JMHO so take it for what it's worth, but I'd actually avoid saying something like that. It sends the message that her attempts to hurt you are working. But the thing is, it's not a competition. Her life is hers, yours is yours. Just 'cause she's getting married first doesn't mean she's right or that she's "winning" and just 'cause you haven't yet gotten married doesn't mean that you're "losing." We all have our own paces and there isn't a right or a wrong one. Do what's best for you - that's the way to happiness

    And BTW, when you're truly happy, you stop comparing yourself to others, which is clearly not where your sister's at...

    Good luck!!

  • Is the first divorce going to be an "accomplishment"? Shortest amount of time married? Most kids before the inevitable divorce? Which new daddy is going to cheat first, or which homewrecker is going to be skankier? I also have to wonder which of your sisters/SIL "had to" get married because they found themselves KU.

     

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  • image Mrs.Rad888:

    Is the first divorce going to be an "accomplishment"? Shortest amount of time married? Most kids before the inevitable divorce? Which new daddy is going to cheat first, or which homewrecker is going to be skankier? I also have to wonder which of your sisters/SIL "had to" get married because they found themselves KU.

     

    Yeah, that is ten years from now. There also might be first to get their kids taken away by CPS. First to lose custody of their kids and my favorite, first to have a daddy go out for a pack of cigarettes and never come back. At least her kid will have me and my FI to fall back on when it all hits the fan.

  • image JoEsther:
    image MattNCarol:

    Age doesn't mean anything, she could be older and still an idiot. I'm only 21, and would never say such a thing to anybody, I have sense. It's disrespectful to you, or whoever listen to that. And come on.. you're helping her with her wedding and she keeps acting like she's 10? 

    Think about it, when you get married and have your kid.. she'll be a single mom, because I doubt that with her behavior any husband would tolerate her. Next time she say something like this, say flat out.. ''why would you say such a thing about me? If you do not stop I'm done helping you.'' 

    To be honest, and this is JMHO so take it for what it's worth, but I'd actually avoid saying something like that. It sends the message that her attempts to hurt you are working. But the thing is, it's not a competition. Her life is hers, yours is yours. Just 'cause she's getting married first doesn't mean she's right or that she's "winning" and just 'cause you haven't yet gotten married doesn't mean that you're "losing." We all have our own paces and there isn't a right or a wrong one. Do what's best for you - that's the way to happiness

    And BTW, when you're truly happy, you stop comparing yourself to others, which is clearly not where your sister's at...

    Good luck!!

    Thank you for the good luck. If it wasn't for the other people involved I would leave her to her own defenses. No matter how immature my SIL is, she never says a rude word to me, works with me through some of my toughest times. She, my mother and my grandmother are really depending on me for the help. They are all really excited for the wedding. I kinda wish it was my SIL's wedding over again. At least then the bride would be nice.

  • image JoEsther:
    image MattNCarol:

    Age doesn't mean anything, she could be older and still an idiot. I'm only 21, and would never say such a thing to anybody, I have sense. It's disrespectful to you, or whoever listen to that. And come on.. you're helping her with her wedding and she keeps acting like she's 10? 

    Think about it, when you get married and have your kid.. she'll be a single mom, because I doubt that with her behavior any husband would tolerate her. Next time she say something like this, say flat out.. ''why would you say such a thing about me? If you do not stop I'm done helping you.'' 

    To be honest, and this is JMHO so take it for what it's worth, but I'd actually avoid saying something like that. It sends the message that her attempts to hurt you are working. But the thing is, it's not a competition. Her life is hers, yours is yours. Just 'cause she's getting married first doesn't mean she's right or that she's "winning" and just 'cause you haven't yet gotten married doesn't mean that you're "losing." We all have our own paces and there isn't a right or a wrong one. Do what's best for you - that's the way to happiness

    And BTW, when you're truly happy, you stop comparing yourself to others, which is clearly not where your sister's at...

    Good luck!!

     

    Right, I didn't mean it was a competition, but that her sister needs to stop doing this to her. It's hurtful.. OP could be really offended, and for a good reason. I agree with your point, her life its hers.  She shouldn't care for what her sister says about her, she needs to do what's the best for her and not to her sister. 

     Really didn't mean it to say as a competition, but her sis should appreciate what OP is doing for her, and saying that in a way to make her understand that it is hurtful, and shouldn't be repeated. And I agree

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  • Your sister sounds like such a beeyoch. I'm sorry :(    I know what is like, I have a whackadoo for a sister. 
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  • WahooWahoo member
    Ancient Membership 2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker

    An opposite story...

    I knew two women from college who were the same age (2 years younger than me, but both late 20's).  One woman (I'll call her "the date") had dated her boyfriend through college, but broke up with him after several years.  The other started dating her boyfriend after they graduated, and was getting married (I'll call her "the bride").  At the January wedding, they were both about to graduate from top business schools the following June.

    The one that was broken up with her boyfriend was the boyfriend's date to the OTHER woman's wedding (she was not invited on her own).  During the receiving line at the church, "the date" asked "the bride"  "So, do you have a job set up after graduation? ("the date" obviously had multiple offers). 

    The bride just smiled and said "to be honest, I've been concentrating on the wedding."

    Of course, the date was feeling like an old hag, and the bride found full time employment once she looked for it! 

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
  • toast her at her wedding. many times. oh wait, she's  not old enough to drink and knocked up. bwaaaaaaaahhaaaa.
  • i would totally take all those things as a compliment.  getting knocked up at 20 and then getting married on top of that?  no thank you.
    image
  • I'm 27 and will be 28 on August 19.  I haven't been married a month.  AND I wouldn't change a thing.  Because we waited until later in our 20's to get married, we are financially secure, are able to handle conflict in our relationships and are having no problem blending our lives together.  PLUS we were together long enough to get to REALLY know each other.  If we would have gotten married the first time we talked about it, we would have started out with a rocky financial situation and still never had a mature relationship.

    Like PP said, your sister isn't the best to talk about a "timeline" of getting married and PG.  If you didn't say something back about her current... situation... I'm impressed. :)

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  • While I agree that your sister sounds like a twit, do you think any of her attitude comes from her annoyance at having you push your idea of a perfect wedding on her? Who cares if she wants to wear a sundress or not have flowers or wedding colors?
  • I am not pushing anyone's wedding on her. It is just easier to plan if you have some kind of idea of what the bride wants. Honestly, she just wants to show up, get married and go home. The rest is for show because her future in-laws and her church are insisting on this wedding. She wants to impress them, which is why SIL and I got roped into this. We are the party planners in the family.

    I personally don't get her opinion because I for one have been excited about the idea of planning since my engagement on a while ago. I am still excited about the engagement side of it. If I were in her shoes, I would wait well after the child's birth to go plan a wedding and get married. But that's because we are complete opposites.

  • You poor thing - the girl is 20... but an immature and thoughtless 20 if she just feels the need to say you'll be so stinkin old when you get married.

    I will say I often feel like I'll be a lot older than I wanted to be or envisioned I would be when I get married - next year, at 29.5 years old! - but like some of the other posters said, that tend to come with the benefit of being more rational, grounded, financial or emotionally secure, knowing your partner better, and what you really want.

    Maybe better able to cope with drama, too. You've held your tongue against her, from what it sounds like :)

     Interestingly, my sister is in her later 30s and still condescends to me or makes a point of embarrassing me horribly in front of friends or family. The little gem of, "You've really gotten lucky with the jobs you have, and what you're paid. You're really still very entry level, only a couple years out of college..." came a few days ago when discussing a new job I'd be taking. Siblings can basically suck sometimes but you can't choose your family!

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