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MIL sends worst e-mail ever...is this a Heath?

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Re: MIL sends worst e-mail ever...is this a Heath?

  • That bride-to-be sounds like a turd...I can't totally hate the MIL-to-be.
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  • Ok, so while the delivery is questionable, if the bride to be did, in fact, do all those things, then it seems to me that she does have pretty bad manners.  I mean, who would *ever* comment that they didn't have enough food, as a guest in someone's home?  I mean, really? 
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  • image DR&RN04:
    Ok, so while the delivery is questionable, if the bride to be did, in fact, do all those things, then it seems to me that she does have pretty bad manners.  I mean, who would *ever* comment that they didn't have enough food, as a guest in someone's home?  I mean, really? 

    My thought exactly.  She sounds like a rude little pig.

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  • I pity the groom here. With a mother like this, and a soon to be wife who is clearly the rudest thing on legs next to the groom's mother, he's got a miserable row to hoe.

     

    SO SINGS MY SOUL *WHAM!* MY SAVIOR GOD TO THEE *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!*
  • image Sue_sue:

    I pity the groom here. With a mother like this, and a soon to be wife who is clearly the rudest thing on legs next to the groom's mother, he's got a miserable row to hoe.

     

    Oh, no kidding.

    They are both obnoxious! But, if he's used to how his mother behaves, he probably feels right at home with his new bride. 

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  • I agree that while the e-mail wasn't the best way to address these issues, if the bride was actually doing all of this she really needed a reality check.
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  • I am skeptical of how this all got on the Internet, too. I cannot imagine the bride to be had NO influence in this situation. Nope. None at all. Her big meanie friends did it without her knowledge or permission.
    SO SINGS MY SOUL *WHAM!* MY SAVIOR GOD TO THEE *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!*
  • Someone in the comments mentioned that the full email made mention of the fact that the bride needed to shut up about her diabetes...could explain why she was "complaining" about the food.
  • image jpsquared:
    Someone in the comments mentioned that the full email made mention of the fact that the bride needed to shut up about her diabetes...could explain why she was "complaining" about the food.

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  • Full email:

    It is high time someone explained to you about good manners. Yours are obvious by their absence and I feel sorry for you.

    Unfortunately for Freddie, he has fallen in love with you and Freddie being Freddie, I gather it is not easy to reason with him or yet encourage him to consider how he might be able to help you. It may just be possible to get through to you though. I do hope so.

    If you want to be accepted by the wider Bourne family I suggest you take some guidance from experts with utmost haste. There are plenty of finishing schools around.

    Please, for your own good, for Freddie's sake and for your future involvement with the Bourne family, do something as soon as possible.

    Here are a few examples of your lack of manners:

    When you are a guest in another's house, you do not declare what you will and will not eat - unless you are positively allergic to something. You do not remark that you do not have enough food. You do not start before everyone else.

    You do not take additional helpings without being invited to by your host.

    When a guest in another's house, you do not lie in bed until late morning in households that rise early - you fall in line with house norms.

    You should never ever insult the family you are about to join at any time and most definitely not in public. I gather you passed this off as a joke but the reaction in the pub was one of shock, not laughter.

    You should have hand-written a card to me. You have never written to thank me when you have stayed.

    You regularly draw attention to yourself. Perhaps you should ask yourself why.

    No one gets married in a castle unless they own it. It is brash, celebrity style behaviour.

    I understand your parents are unable to contribute very much towards the cost of your wedding. (There is nothing wrong with that except that convention is such that one might presume they would have saved over the years for their daughters' marriages.)

    If this is the case, it would be most ladylike and and gracious to lower your sights and have a modest wedding as befits both your incomes.gr

     

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  • image jpsquared:
    Someone in the comments mentioned that the full email made mention of the fact that the bride needed to shut up about her diabetes...could explain why she was "complaining" about the food.

    That could change things! That would also explain why she was telling her what she couldn't eat. Funny how that was left out of the Yahoo article.

    Good find!

     

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  • I'd wager that someone who is so self-absorbed to write such an e-mail probably has a fairly distorted perception of what actually happened that weekend. I have a feeling FMIL might be looking for things to feel slighted about.
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  • image susiederkins:
    I'd wager that someone who is so self-absorbed to write such an e-mail probably has a fairly distorted perception of what actually happened that weekend. I have a feeling FMIL might be looking for things to feel slighted about.

    eh, I don't know.  I'm sure the FMIL is a piece of work in her own right, but, I also think that these kinds of things don't just fly out of left field.  I'm sure there's bad blood between the two, and this was the breaking point.

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  • This is the full one that talks about the diabetes:

    It is high time someone explained to you about good manners. Yours are obvious by their absence and I feel sorry for you.

    Unfortunately for Freddie, he has fallen in love with you and Freddie being Freddie, I gather it is not easy to reason with him or yet encourage him to consider how he might be able to help you.

    It may just be possible to get through to you though. I do hope so.

    Your behaviour on your visit to Devon during April was staggering in its uncouthness and lack of grace.

    Unfortunately, this was not the first example of bad manners I have experienced from you.

    If you want to be accepted by the wider Bourne family I suggest you take some guidance from experts with utmost haste.

    There are plenty of finishing schools around. You would be an ideal candidate for the Ladette to Lady television series.

    Please, for your own good, for Freddie's sake and for your future involvement with the Bourne family, do something as soon as possible.

    Here are a few examples of your lack of manners:

    When you are a guest in another's house, you do not declare what you will and will not eat - unless you are positively allergic to something.

    You do not remark that you do not have enough food.

    You do not start before everyone else.

    You do not take additional helpings without being invited to by your host.

    When a guest in another's house, you do not lie in bed until late morning in households that rise early - you fall in line with house norms.

    You should never ever insult the family you are about to join at any time and most definitely not in public. I gather you passed this off as a joke but the reaction in the pub was one of shock, not laughter.

    I have no idea whether you wrote to thank [your future sister-in-law] for the weekend but you should have hand-written a card to her.

    You should have hand-written a card to me. You have never written to thank me when you have stayed at Houndspool.

    [Your future sister-in-law] has quite the most exquisite manners of anyone I have ever come across. You would do well to follow her example.

    You regularly draw attention to yourself. Perhaps you should ask yourself why.

    It is tragic that you have diabetes. However, you aren't the only young person in the world who is a diabetic.

    I know quite a few young people who have this condition, one of whom is getting married in June. I have never heard her discuss her condition.

    She quietly gets on with it. She doesn't like being diabetic. Who would? You do not need to regale everyone with the details of your condition or use it as an excuse to draw attention to yourself. It is vulgar.

    As a diabetic of long standing you must be acutely aware of the need to prepare yourself for extraordinary eventualities, the walk to Mothecombe beach being an example.

    You are experienced enough to have prepared yourself appropriately.

    No-one gets married in a castle unless they own it. It is brash, celebrity style behaviour.

    I understand your parents are unable to contribute very much towards the cost of your wedding. (There is nothing wrong with that except that convention is such that one might presume they would have saved over the years for their daughters' marriages.)

    If this is the case, it would be most ladylike and gracious to lower your sights and have a modest wedding as befits both your incomes.

    One could be accused of thinking that Heidi Withers must be patting herself on the back for having caught a most eligible young man. I pity Freddie.

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  • Seems like just another nail in the my-future-DIL-is-an-ignorant-pig coffin.  Both of them could stand to read a little Miss Manners, but I don't think it makes the FMIL a horrendous person.
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  • I am totally team MIL here. Notice nobody came out and said that the email was full of lies. Cuz it aint.

    yep, it sucks to be called out, but sounds like the dil is a dil-hole

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  • I find it interesting that there are so many different versions of this email going around, and almost wonder if the "friends" did some editing before they released it.

    I also find myself siding more with the MIL. She sounds like a snob, but if that email is even remotely accurate, Heidi could stand to take her advice.

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    Whenever I hear Chesh's IRL name I think "Scissor" --MontereyBride
  • I'm more on the MILs side her. 
    Floyd P. Bamker - can't spell
  • If even half of the letter is accurate, FDIL is the idiot here and her friends are even more idiotic for making the email going viral.
  • i was enormously intrigued by this email, and read an article online about it.  it included a picture of the sender of the email, and she looks like an uptight toad.

    anyway, i'd be 50/50 on this except for TWO factors:  1) she's the stepmother of the man; and 2) she, in a sly and cutting way, threw her stepson under the bus TWICE in that email.  that's just bullshiit behavior.

    which leads me to believe that she's probably an odious sort of person prone to seek slight where it was never intended and likely to arrange traps for people in which they can't help but to do something that she can then be offended about (e.g., a long, unannounced hike with a diabetic).

    HOWEVER, the fiancee here sounds like someone who just rolled in like a fool and didn't take the steps she could to try to look her very best, expecting everyone else to adapt to her instead of vice versa.

     

    so, i'm 60/40 in favor of the fiancee.  and i feel bad for the stepson regardless.

    kiss it, nest.
  • They both sound like obnoxiousbitches.
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  • If those things are true, I also agree with MIL.  Maybe it should've been handled differently, but she is not out of line with those feelings.  Sounds like the DIL has some rude habits. 
    Always be yourself. Unless you suck.
  • 1) she's the stepmother of the man;

    Would the email be taken differently if it were not from his stepmother?

  • image sweetday:

    1) she's the stepmother of the man;

    Would the email be taken differently if it were not from his stepmother?

    no; a non-stepmother saying the same things still sounds like a prig.  i just realized my post was totally unclear.

    the fact that she's the man's stepmother makes the throwing him under the bus especially egregious to me because it adds a layer of relationship complexity.  like, don't good stepparents try to support their stepkids, rather than undercut them to anyone else (much less the people who love them)?  i mean, good parents want to do that too, but i think stepparents typically tread more lightly.

    kiss it, nest.
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