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My mom again and now dad, I'm so disappointed.. (sorry, long)

This is just a vent because I have no one else to talk about it. Sorry. Here it is...

My mother and I, since I turned 15 years old have been in a real weird relationship, she's one of those extremely dramatic and think the world spins around her, and everything and everyone is against her. She works with crafting, my dad always gave everything to her and she never had big issues in life to turn her into such a negative person. Well, our issues started at that time, with little things, different opinions and her temper.

 The thing is, after dating a real bad person (which I didn't know til after 1 year dating, he turned my life into a nightmare after that, long story), my mother's sister and her sons made up a big lie about me and spread this to the rest of my family. At the time, I was having a hell of time, trying to get my life together after that ex and trying to move forward with my life, my own mother started to spread this gossip behind my back, therefore the rest of my ''family'' were all against me. No matter what I said or proved that this gossip was a lie, they wouldn't believe. This was 3 years ago, and has a while I found out my mother helped with that, I'm still living with my parents until I marry my amazing fianc?, but I never really forgot what she did. 

 She, now is always bitching at me, blaming myself for her sh!tty life and how a bad daughter I am for not ''helping'' them with money very often (note: when I was in a better financial situation I'd help my parents as much as I could, like gave 90% of the money to buy their new car, now I'm not currently working so, go figure). I always tried to help as much as I could, and many times I'd always hear negative words as a ''payback''. I'm not talking about the money, far from it, I want to help them as long as I can and would never regret about it. 

 Yesterday, right after waking up I went to the kitchen and hugged and kissed my mom for 2 mins. and ate breakfast, same with dad. Well, 40 mins later she comes to my room and starts yelling at me, saying how ''a piece of sh!t'' I am, and how my in-laws won't stand me and how she wishes my fianc? treats me bad and that my in-laws will make me their slave, because I'll never get anything good in life and she'll see that happen to me. The more I try to ignore it, because I know how she is and always have been, the more it gets to me hearing my mom saying such a thing. This has been a constant, even before meeting my fianc? (that treats my parents like his own parents). I'm just so disappointed with it, so disappointed with mom.. I always believed that family was to be there for you, but yea.. DNA doesn't mean love and respect. 

To make it worse to handle, I caught my dad saying the same things to mom and both having fun with it! I was just so shocked, always seen my dad as a hero and now seeing what he thinks about me, it's just so idk... sad. The only person in my life now that gives me support and cheer me up is my fianc?, he always try so hard to give me hope and I'm so thankful for him. I just do not know how to handle this anymore for the next couple months until I can leave and marry. I'm applying for a job next week to take me out of the house a little, but coming back home it's just like hell. I'm sorry for this long post and vent, but I guess I had to just type.. I know many others has worse problems than mine, but dealing with it, its not easy though. What to do and how to ignore all those negatives words surrounding me?... I appreciate if you read it all and any input. 

[url=http://daisypath.com][img]http://davf.daisypath.com/6WqUm4.png[/img][/url]

Re: My mom again and now dad, I'm so disappointed.. (sorry, long)

  • Move out now! If you're adult enough to get married, you're adult enough to move out. Then cut ties with all these people for good.
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  • It sounds like no matter what you do, your parents, and especially your mom, won't be supportive of you.  You've got to realize they're not going to be the parents you wish you had.  You can't change their behavior but you can change how you interact with them and how you respond to them.
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  • Why are you living with these people?  I was thinking that they were jerky mooches when you said they were upset that you aren't giving them money, but now I'm wondering if you've overstayed your welcome and they want you to stop mooching.
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  • Well, I am planning on moving out, but I have no job yet.. I'm applying for one this week and hoping I'll get it. About me staying with them is, when I broke up with my ex, they asked me to go back home because THEY were having problems and needed my help dealing with a process against their neighbor (the guy tried to sell part of my parents property all of sudden without making a deal with them lol crazy), and I was at law college, and could get them a good lawyer asking my friends and teachers, which I did and they're now close to solve this issue. 

    I do want to move out, but with no money for now I can't, few more weeks hopefully and yea, I can plan and just go. The only financial support I have comes from my fianc?, that lives far away from me. But as I said before, my mother is dramatic.. she WANTS me with them, to keep me trapped in her sh!t, know what I mean? She never told me to leave and just the thought of me leaving to marry, for her its a threat.. because she thinks that I wanna leave because ''I hate them''... it's insane. I didn't overstay, they needed me here for a while and itwas a good option to me, at the time. I appreciate your input 

    [url=http://daisypath.com][img]http://davf.daisypath.com/6WqUm4.png[/img][/url]
  • If you don't have a job, then is there any real reason you can't move away and join your FI wherever he is?
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  • imageReturnOfKuus:
    If you don't have a job, then is there any real reason you can't move away and join your FI wherever he is?

     Yes there is, he lives in the U.S and I live in Brazil. We are doing the legal process to get married in the U.S and it takes a while for us to be approved, the process it's long and we want to live there, near his family that are very loving and close. I can't go there and  just get married, you know. We're waiting to do the right process, that's why for now, I can't join him. He has been supporting me but for me to be able to move out and be fine until we can marry, I do need a job. Hopefully this week I'll get it! 

    [url=http://daisypath.com][img]http://davf.daisypath.com/6WqUm4.png[/img][/url]
  • Why not move in with your FI and find a job wherever he's at?  You're going to do that anyways aren't you? This way if you do get a job now, you won't have to quit and start the job hunt all over again.

    If my parents talked to me the way yours do you, you can bet that I wouldn't have anything to do with them. 

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  • What exactly was the lie that your aunt and cousins spread about you?

     

  • imagemeadowlark:

    What exactly was the lie that your aunt and cousins spread about you?

     

    By the time that this started, I spent 1 weekend at my cousin's house helping her, she had to make an huge cake for a wedding and my ex-bf and I just broke up, so it'd be a good thing for me, to just stay with family, stay with my mind busy. So, went there friday evening, helped the whole night and saturday morning I had to pay my internet bill and went to the atm. When I came back to her house after 30 mins, to finish helping with the cake, she demands me to give her R$100 reais (my money here), to pay somebody that she owed... I said no, because I just had the money to pay my bill and until next week I wouldn't get paid at work, so there's no way I'd give her that money. And I mean, come on.. she owed the money, not me, after paying my bill I had only R$14 reais left, to handle more 2 days until I get paid again.. I DIDN'T have the money and we weren't that close for her to ask me or DEMAND such a thing.

    Well, she said fine... and it seemed that things were ok, we finished the cake and delivered it, the next day I went to my aunt's house (my cousin's mother, very close to where I stayed) to lunch with them, and before I got there my mom calls me, crying.. saying that my cousin (the one I helped with the cake) called her saying that I didn't help her at all, went to a club friday night, and came back to her house drunk and with 2 men. Pretty much told my mom that I was a sl*t. 

    I thought.. wtf!!! and wanted to go there and beat the sh!t out of her for saying such a thing about me, when I DID HELP HER the whole day and even went with her to deliver that thing!!! I do believe it was because I didn't give her the money she wanted and she turned my whole family against me. Well, my dad got on the phone with me and begged me to go home and don't do anything, that we'd talk and solve that, so I just went back home. Even though I could prove she was lying, even my mother prefered to believe her.. my mom and her sister and my cousins has a weird relationship... they hurted my mom in so many ways and she's crazy about them. After this lie, she started to spread many other lies about me until the day I went to my aunt's house and told them all to f*ck off and leave me alone, or I'd search for a lawyer and they'd see me only in the court. They stopped.. but my mom still believes them and keep this ''torture'' everyday.. Sorry 'bout the long post. Had to give the details to be understood. 

    [url=http://daisypath.com][img]http://davf.daisypath.com/6WqUm4.png[/img][/url]
  • Wow, that is messed up! I'd definitely keep my interactions with her to a minimum.  

    Sorry you are going through so much grief right now. Hopefully things will get better.  

  • Wow, your entire family sounds cracked. I understand waiting for the visa, but can't you find a room to rent somewhere? I think you need to get away from them ASAFP.
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  • imageMrs.Rad888:
    Wow, your entire family sounds cracked. I understand waiting for the visa, but can't you find a room to rent somewhere? I think you need to get away from them ASAFP.

     

    Well, since I'm waiting for the visa.. to help me stay away from it, I'm applying for a job, so I could move in with a friend of mine for at least 3/4 months the most. I'm really hopeful that I'll get this job, so I can just leave!

     Thankyou girls for the input.  

    [url=http://daisypath.com][img]http://davf.daisypath.com/6WqUm4.png[/img][/url]
  • kelnyckelnyc member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    imageMattNCarol:

    Well, I am planning on moving out, but I have no job yet.. I'm applying for one this week and hoping I'll get it. About me staying with them is, when I broke up with my ex, they asked me to go back home because THEY were having problems and needed my help dealing with a process against their neighbor (the guy tried to sell part of my parents property all of sudden without making a deal with them lol crazy), and I was at law college, and could get them a good lawyer asking my friends and teachers, which I did and they're now close to solve this issue. 

    I do want to move out, but with no money for now I can't, few more weeks hopefully and yea, I can plan and just go. The only financial support I have comes from my fianc?, that lives far away from me. But as I said before, my mother is dramatic.. she WANTS me with them, to keep me trapped in her sh!t, know what I mean? She never told me to leave and just the thought of me leaving to marry, for her its a threat.. because she thinks that I wanna leave because ''I hate them''... it's insane. I didn't overstay, they needed me here for a while and itwas a good option to me, at the time. I appreciate your input 

    Worst excuse I've ever heard. You needed to live with them when you and your ex broke up, just as much as they wanted you to come home, so please don't try to make it seem like they begged you to come and live with them and just admit that once you couldn't live off of your ex, you had no choice but to go home. I have a hard time believing that you are innocent in all of this, and frankly, I think you need to grow up a little and learn to stand on your own two feet before getting married as means of being saved from a bad situation. How old are you and when did you break up with the ex? Sorry, but none of this is sitting well with me.

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