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what is the one thing...

that you and your sig. other and yourself never agree on?

fi and i are fighting about compromise with socialize. im a people person and hes not so i feel the need to go out and socalize and he hates it but doesnt want me going alone because other guys can be pigs.

[IMG]http://i54.tinypic.com/1zpqz4h.jpg[/IMG]

Re: what is the one thing...

  • image sncbride:

    that you and your sig. other and yourself never agree on?

    fi and i are fighting about compromise with socialize. im a people person and hes not so i feel the need to go out and socalize and he hates it but doesnt want me going alone because other guys can be pigs.

    This isn't a very good excuse for not wanting someone to go out. Does he not think you can handle yourself? What if you were going out with strictly girlfriends? Or a mix of guy and girl friends? What's the difference?

    image

    "If you wanna win then you shoulda put a hat on it. Don't be mad when you see a knit cap won it. If you wanna win then you shoulda put a hat on it."- Fenton

  • salimoosalimoo member
    ATM.
    image

    Husbands should be like Kleenex: Soft, strong, and disposable.
  • That sounds less like a normal disagreement over how much time to spend together vs separate, and more like he may have some issues with jealousy, insecurity, and control. Him not wanting you to go out "alone" (when presumably you'll be with friends) b/c "other guys can be pigs" is a bit of a red flag to me. How long have you guys been together? Does he show other signs of jealousy?
    image
    Mucho likes purple nails and purple cupcakes
  • image salimoo:
    ATM.
    but not PTM
    image
    Mucho likes purple nails and purple cupcakes
  • salimoosalimoo member

    image lindsayll:
    image salimoo:
    ATM.
    but not PTM

    Ewww, no, that's gross!!!!

    image

    Husbands should be like Kleenex: Soft, strong, and disposable.
  • image salimoo:

    image lindsayll:
    image salimoo:
    ATM.
    but not PTM

    Ewww, no, that's gross!!!!

    I don't know what these mean. And weve been together 3.5 years. He's always been this way, all my exs live in this small college town with us and we run into them all the time. He's been cheated on before and is scared it'll happen again. He's afraid ill drink too much and won't be able to handle myself. (ill ne fine) but I just keep telling him he can't control me. Hr can have an input but he doesn't get to choose my life for me. We broke up for awhile about a year ago over the same fight. I'm just angry that some how the compromises we made no longer mean anything.
    [IMG]http://i54.tinypic.com/1zpqz4h.jpg[/IMG]
  • image salimoo:

    image lindsayll:
    image salimoo:
    ATM.
    but not PTM

    Ewww, no, that's gross!!!!

    I don't know what these mean. And weve been together 3.5 years. He's always been this way, all my exs live in this small college town with us and we run into them all the time. He's been cheated on before and is scared it'll happen again. He's afraid ill drink too much and won't be able to handle myself. (ill ne fine) but I just keep telling him he can't control me. Hr can have an input but he doesn't get to choose my life for me. We broke up for awhile about a year ago over the same fight. I'm just angry that some how the compromises we made no longer mean anything.
    [IMG]http://i54.tinypic.com/1zpqz4h.jpg[/IMG]
  • Sorry for the double posts and the spelling I'm on my phone.
    [IMG]http://i54.tinypic.com/1zpqz4h.jpg[/IMG]
  • I just think if this has been a point of contention in the past, so much so that you broke up over it and it's again rearing it's ugly head, then maybe you should re-evaluate your relationship.

    The feelings he is feeling are rooted in something bad that happened to him, the only way for him to even try to get over them is by getting some sort of therapy to work through his trust issues. If he refuses, I just don't know why you'd want to commit the rest of your life to being with someone who doesn't trust you and sulks when you go out. Because you WILL have this same fight over and over until something changes.

    image

    "If you wanna win then you shoulda put a hat on it. Don't be mad when you see a knit cap won it. If you wanna win then you shoulda put a hat on it."- Fenton

  • Aren't you pregnant/TTC? Why are you arguing about going out and partying?
  • we tried therapy and we couldnt afford it. :( i honestly dont know what to think, he hasnt talked to me all day and when i try to talk to him he just tells me im wrong.
    [IMG]http://i54.tinypic.com/1zpqz4h.jpg[/IMG]
  • we werent trying to concieve, i was a week late on my period but finally got it.
    [IMG]http://i54.tinypic.com/1zpqz4h.jpg[/IMG]
  • TSDTSD member

    People cannot exist inside of a bubble. He obviously can control you of you've been having this fight for years, you broke up & went back still not having this resolved. This is not a case of whether the walls should be white or a color- this is a serious fundamental issue. Mh is a homebody with 3 friends he never hangs out with. I have lots of friends & acquaintances. He almost never goes out. I go out with friends at least once a week. I can't imagine him ever telling me I can't go, fighting with me about it, or not speaking to me. That sounds like high school.

    His fear of you cheating is his problem & he needs to find a way to deal with it. Usually, a guy that "insecure" or jealous has something to hide himself. A cheater knows cheating better than anyone else.

    You need to find your spine. You don't have to just stomp your foot & say you can't control me. But you can say hey, for this relationship to work, there has to be trust. I need to maintain my friendships & be able to go out without an attitude from you. You can't prevent cheating by keeping me in the house. Either you're going to have to learn to trust me or I'm prepared to walk away. I can't be with someone who thinks the worst of me without it even happening.

  • What TSD said.

    My Dh LOVES to be home.  He LOVES chilling out with me and watching movies.  

    This past weekend we attended a BBQ together Friday night, he was ready to leave by 11pm - so we left.  Saturday I went to an all day festival with the girls and to a bar after - I was home about 1.30am.  

    I could not imagine him telling me I could not go or demanding I stay home.  What would be the point of it, I would be miserable and we would most likely spend the time fighting? 

     Your bf is treating you like a child and exerting power, he seems to think he has, over you.  Get out now, that is what dating is for, to weed out the bed ones so we don't spend our life miserable.

     

    [IMG]http://i46.tinypic.com/5bwck7.jpg[/IMG]
  • Any guy I've ever dated or even just known who uses the "I don't want you going out because other guys will be there and guys can be pigs" line of crap, well... let's just say they know from personal experience that guys can be pigs. And it's not because they were the ones who were cheated on in the past.
    fiizzlee = vag ** fiizzle = peen ** Babies shouldn't be born wit thangs ** **They're called first luddz fo' a reason -- mo' is supposed ta come after. Yo Ass don't git a medal fo' marryin yo' prom date. Unless yo ass is imoan. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Then yo ass git a all-expenses paid cruise ta tha Mediterranean n' yo ass git ta hook up Jared Padalecki on tha flight over while bustin yo' jammies. But still no medal.
  • I can't even imagine how I would respond logically if my spouse told me not to go out because guys are pigs. I think I would laugh hysterically because I would assume it was a joke. I don't think I could be with someone for more than five minutes who tried to control me that much. In your shoes, I would just say, "You need to get over this NOW," and be forceful. I would also just leave and say, "Stop being ridiculous. Just stop it. You're embarrassing yourself."

    Somehow, I've managed to get through life this long and not be gang banged at every bar I've gone to alone. Some guys may be piggish, but most women can travel in public without being assaulted. This isn't Saudi Arabia. Some single women even GO TO THE POOL IN BIKINIS ALONE! Amazingly, this does not result in a rape 100% of the time.

    image
    "As of page 2 this might be the most boring argument ever. It's making me long for Rape Day." - Mouse
  • image zitiqueen:
    Any guy I've ever dated or even just known who uses the "I don't want you going out because other guys will be there and guys can be pigs" line of crap, well... let's just say they know from personal experience that guys can be pigs. And it's not because they were the ones who were cheated on in the past.

    oh come on. this is crap. There are tons of low self esteem jealous creepos out there that have never cheated.

  • We always argued about eating out vs cooking at home. I wanted to cook at home, he had to eat out every meal - literally!

    I also wanted to go out - outside of the house, alone or with others. He just wanted to sit home and watch tv.

    Also argued about keeping the blinds and curtains open or closed. He wanted them closed all the time ...

  • So black diamond, is he dead or did you divorce him?
  • image TSD:

    I am curious about this because I had problems with my ex over going out and don't quite know if I was being unreasonable.  I like to go out occasionally and usually leave at 10 and come back around 2:30.  If I spent the day or weekend with friends I'd let him know about what time I'd be coming back.  I also tried to pick nights when he already had something planned or was on shift.  

    He would leave at say, noon or ten o'clock at night and be gone until the wee hours of the morning/after sunrise.  I never knew when he was going to be gone until right before he left, he never knew how long he'd be gone, and he didn't come home until he felt like it.  He didn't feel like he should tell me these things, although I think it's just basic consideration.  Is it controlling/insecure to expect that?  I'm fine with giving someone their space, but isn't there a certain amount of consideration for the other person involved?

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