Grand Rapids Nesties
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Update on me

I had surgery last Thursday and it went well.  I'm still really sore and still taking a lot of pain meds, but I'm hoping that slows down soon.  Went home Friday around noon and people started showing up for BIL's memorial a few hours later.  We had a huge turnout and it was just a really nice time.  I was really happy with the way everything came together.

One thing that really stood out to us was that none of H's cousins, aunts or uncles came.  Only immediate family members and friends were present.  That was extremely disheartening for us.  We go out of our way to keep in touch with these people by phone calls, texts, and emails, and we plan get together's in Chicago for everyone, just to try to keep the family together.  My H loves his cousins and family - so the lack of support angered me and broke his heart.  One aunt/uncle pair had a good excuse (uncle was scheduled to have a colonoscopy the same day.)  No one else gave an excuse, or they gave multiple excuses (one said to me that he had no one to watch his dogs, while he told H he couldn't get a half day off of work...well..which is it?)  Regardless if they all had good excuses, we didn't recieve any condolence cards or flowers or any recognition that BIL had passed or that they were sorry.  I'm sure part of our heartbreak was maybe due to overreaction because our emotions were running high as well.

We had a long discussion on Sunday night about how to deal with the heartbreak, lack of support from people we love and trust, if we should say anything to them or just move on, how we'd handle any future Chicago get together's, etc.  We decided we'd be the "bigger people" forgive them for their lack of support and move on.

Then on Monday, we find out that H's uncle passed away (he was the father of the cousin who gave multiple excuses of why he couldn't be at BIL's memorial and also MIL's little brother.)  He was only 54.  So....now we are gearing up for yet another memorial this weekend.  :(

I just can't believe we cannot catch a break.  Hopefully this is the last of it for us for a while. 

Sorry to be a debbie downer - I just really need to vent somewhere.  H and I got into a fight last night and I ended up leaving the bedroom and went downstairs to watch TV for a few hours to cool off.  When I got back upstairs, H was still awake.  We talked and came to the conclusion that we are dealing with a ton of stress all at once, when most other couples usually only have to deal with things like this one at a time.  We just need to realize this is going to be extremely rough to get through and we need to focus on us and stick together and fight through it as a team.  But lately it seems like everytime we get through one tough situation, another is thrown in our face.  Sigh.  I'm tired!  And I just spilled my guts...haha. 

I am going to go home and get some more pain meds and take a nap.  :)  On a positive note, my work sent me a gift card to one of my favorite restaurants AND I found a coupon for buy one meal get one free for Tuesdays only, so H and I are going out for a totally free meal tonight.  :)

Re: Update on me

  • Sorry to hear about the rough times you guys are going through.  I hope things get better from here on out.  Rest up and take care of yourself.
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  • I'm glad to see you here, and that your recovering well.

    Sorry to read about the lack of support from extended family.  When there's a crisis or grief, it's always nice to be surrounded by people you care about. 

    You guys are going through a lot at once, and that's difficult.  Good that you're both building the skills together.

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  • Yikes, that is a lot of stuff to deal with. I think that is great that you and your husband talked about it after the fight. That sounds like good progress.
  • Hang in there. I am glad that you all are communicating even though if it's rough and all. You will come out stronger out of all of this as a person and as a couple. Hope that things will get better for you and your family.
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  • TheWopTheWop member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary
    ((hugs)) I'm glad you're here.  Sorry about your IL's.  I hope things get better for you guys and the rest of the year is a breeze. 
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  • So glad to hear that your surgery went well and that you are onto the healing process.  This is an incredible stressful time for you guys and I hope things start getting easier for you.  Enjoy your dinner with your H.
  • (((hugs)))

    I'm a glad your surgery went well and you are recovering.  You and your DH have a lot on your hands right now, and it is only normal to be stressed out.  Its good you guys recognized it and can depend on heach other.

    I will keep you and your H in my thoughts.  

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  • I'm sorry things have been so rough for you and your family, hoping things start to look up!
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  • You guys really do have a lot of high-stress situations going on.  So sorry that you're dealing with all of this, let alone at once.  It sounds rough.  Hope things improve for you and your family very soon.
  • I'm sorry you've had such a rough go of it lately. :-(  It sounds like you're dealing as well as you can given everything though - sending continued thoughts and strength your way.

  • I'm so sorry you're going through such a rough time.  Maybe your DH's uncle passing away will make the rest of his family realize how nice that support is.  I think its great you and your DH are going out alone.  You guys need to focus on yourselves a bit in the midst of all this.
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  • aW!  I'm so sorry for everything that has happened.  Sometimes it is easier to forgive but just set some reasonable boundaries for yourself.  I'm glad you are done with the surgery and on the road to recovery.  And a nice meal sounds like heaven right now!
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