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Would you go?

I may DD this later.

My sister is graduating in June. My parents and siblings are all going to be attending. I wasn't even thinking about going and I have told them that until a friend told me that she thinks I should go. Now I feel guilty about not going and seriously trying to consider going. Although I now have my own family, they are still my family and now feel guilty about missing out on this get-together.

My DD will be 17mos old in June. If I do go, that would be the first time I'll be apart from her for more than 1 day. The longest time has just been when she's at daycare. I won't take her with me since the flight is more than 6hrs. I can't imagine traveling that far alone with a toddler.

What do you think? Am I silly for feeling guilty if I don't go and be the only one missing in the family?

Re: Would you go?

  • I would go.

    Why wouldn't you be able to leave your 1.5 year-old with her dad (or whoever) for a day or two?

    image
  • I would go, and I'd even try to take a flight that coincides with DDs nap/bedtime so that she could come with you since you seem to not want to leave her behind.
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  • As someone who has flown transatlantic flights ON MY OWN with a 13 month old, then a 20 month old and lastly a 25 month old, it is doable.

    However, I am not quite sure why you cannot go without her either?  Hell, I ADORE my child, but since she has been 6 months old and off the boob, I get a weekend trip away from her every 6 months.  Daddy needs to bond (read understand what its like being the full time parent) and I need a break.

     

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  • More info, I was never invited to go. All I knew was my parents will be attending the graduation. I didn't know my siblings were attending too. I just found out while talking to family that all of them are actually going to be attending the graduation. I didn't really think about it much until my friend said something. She asked how my family is doing and I told her that they will all be in CA in June.

    When I told H that I'm considering to go. He said it's just a graduation and it's not like any of them will attend mine. H an I are graduating this Spring and Summer semester.

    I know my parents are going because of the graduation. They could not say no when my sis asked if they are attending. With my siblings, they are going to mainly have fun, I think anyway, since they will be there for a week sightseeing, etc.

    Do these additional info make any difference? I'm confused. lol. I guess if I go it's probably mainly to have fun and get a break, but may end up constantly thinking or worrying about DD.

  • I think I'm not understanding something. Is your family not that close with each other? Or have a bad relationship? Why would you NOT go? It's a pretty big accomplishment to graduate, so I don't get why you wouldn't want to be there for your sis. And seeing that you will be graduating yourself, I'd think you would see the importance in it. Is it a money issue? Or do you have obligations that you can't get out of (aside from your DD,which I think some other posters had some good solutions for)?
    [IMG]http://i1118.photobucket.com/albums/k613/nycartist/16755_197219638704_518460_n.jpg[/IMG]
  • image TNpuffs:
    Do these additional info make any difference? I'm confused. lol. I guess if I go it's probably mainly to have fun and get a break, but may end up constantly thinking or worrying about DD.

    If you think any of them would be hurt that you weren't there, I would go. It's nice to show support for your family.

    As for your daughter, you can't stay glued to her for your entire life. I'm honestly finding it odd that you haven't spent ANY time apart from her. She'll survive without you for a day or two.

    image
  • image nyc artist:
    I think I'm not understanding something. Is your family not that close with each other? Or have a bad relationship? Why would you NOT go? It's a pretty big accomplishment to graduate, so I don't get why you wouldn't want to be there for your sis. And seeing that you will be graduating yourself, I'd think you would see the importance in it. Is it a money issue? Or do you have obligations that you can't get out of (aside from your DD,which I think some other posters had some good solutions for)?
    I think my family is close, but I live far from everybody. And I guess the distance has been the reason why no one would attend my graduation or any significant life event. Or maybe because mine is just a MS. lol. My sis who is graduating is actually the closest to me. My parents and other siblings are 15-16 hr flight away.

    I just asked when the graduation is and now I'm asked about bringing DD. Sad My siblings have not met DD. We have a 3-wk vacation planned in August to fly 15-16hrs so everyone can meet her.

  • So you were never invited? I think it is weird to go under those circumstances, unless you talk to your sister first. 


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  • image TNpuffs:
    image nyc artist:
    I think I'm not understanding something. Is your family not that close with each other? Or have a bad relationship? Why would you NOT go? It's a pretty big accomplishment to graduate, so I don't get why you wouldn't want to be there for your sis. And seeing that you will be graduating yourself, I'd think you would see the importance in it. Is it a money issue? Or do you have obligations that you can't get out of (aside from your DD,which I think some other posters had some good solutions for)?
    I think my family is close, but I live far from everybody. And I guess the distance has been the reason why no one would attend my graduation or any significant life event. Or maybe because mine is just a MS. lol. My sis who is graduating is actually the closest to me. My parents and other siblings are 15-16 hr flight away.

     

    I just asked when the graduation is and now I'm asked about bringing DD. Sad My siblings have not met DD. We have a 3-wk vacation planned in August to fly 15-16hrs so everyone can meet her.

    Wow, that is very far! I'd think if money and time weren't an issue, then you should try to go. But it's pretty reasonable if it's too much for you to make it. Maybe just send a nice gift or something to acknowledge your sister's accomplishment if you can't make it in person. :)

    [IMG]http://i1118.photobucket.com/albums/k613/nycartist/16755_197219638704_518460_n.jpg[/IMG]
  • image nyc artist:
    Wow, that is very far! I'd think if money and time weren't an issue, then you should try to go. But it's pretty reasonable if it's too much for you to make it. Maybe just send a nice gift or something to acknowledge your sister's accomplishment if you can't make it in person. :)
    My graduating sis is 6-hr flight away.

    At PP, i guess I can ask my sis if I'm invited if I ended up deciding to go. Hmmm.. That sounds weird asking to be invited. lol. I think we're close enough that I can do that. I have been reviewing her resumes, cover letters, etc.

  • She may have not invited you because she didn't want you to feel pressured given that you clearly are not comfortable spending more than a few hours away from your DD. Since you say you are close, I would doubt that the lack of an invite was a dig at you.

     

  • Do you want to go? Graduations don't happen to be a "must attend" event in my family.

    Can you have a heart to heart with your sister and ask her if she'd like you to be there? That's definitely the kind of conversation I can have with my brother, but I understand if that's not how your relationship with her works.

    I could even see it being a thing "Of course I would like to be there, but I don't want DD's meeting family to overshadow it or attending our graduation to feel obligatory."

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    jbelle

  • image jbelle:

    Do you want to go? Graduations don't happen to be a "must attend" event in my family.

    Can you have a heart to heart with your sister and ask her if she'd like you to be there? That's definitely the kind of conversation I can have with my brother, but I understand if that's not how your relationship with her works.

    I could even see it being a thing "Of course I would like to be there, but I don't want DD's meeting family to overshadow it or attending our graduation to feel obligatory."

    Thinking about it, I guess we're the same. Graduation is not a must-attend event. Smile
  • image casmgn:

    She may have not invited you because she didn't want you to feel pressured given that you clearly are not comfortable spending more than a few hours away from your DD. Since you say you are close, I would doubt that the lack of an invite was a dig at you.

    This is what I was wondering.  Also, did she flat out invite your other siblings?  Is it possible that she thought an invite was assumed since you said you're close?  I would say that if you can go, you should.  Not just for your sister, but to be able to spend time with your family.  Don't stress about taking DD.  If they ask why you're not bringing her (if you go), just explain that you wanted some time away, and thought it would be nice for her and daddy to spend that time together.  Also, you could just say that you thought 2 big trips that close together might be a little much for her.

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  • I just wanted to add, since you weren't invited you might want to make sure it is okay for you to go. I know that most graduations have a limited number of tickets per student (Usually 5-8 depending on the size of the school/location). If you weren't invited, they might not have a ticket for you to go. 

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  • I wouldn't go. But I would send a gift. Or you can do something special with her when you see them in August.

    I wouldn't expect my sister to do a six hour flight, especially when I'm going to see her on an extended visit in August.

    Family expectations and relationships are different for families. Some families would never think about not attending a grad ceremony, but others are okay if there is a distance. Do what makes sense for your family.

  • image SeaTea02:
    I just wanted to add, since you weren't invited you might want to make sure it is okay for you to go. I know that most graduations have a limited number of tickets per student (Usually 5-8 depending on the size of the school/location). If you weren't invited, they might not have a ticket for you to go. 
    This. If you weren't invited, and you think that they'd otherwise want you there (hence your plans to maybe-go), I'm wondering if this isn't the reason. Some school auditoriums are very limited size-wise and only allow a certain number of guests per graduate. If that's the case here, I'm thinking that your sister decided to invite your parents and that's how she's running it. To me, that makes perfect sense. Look into that part of it before you decide.

    Also, before you invite yourself along, make sure that you're a wanted guest. Never make assumptions about other peoples' events.

  • This is a teen-highschool girl, correct?  The maturity level (not being derogatory) of a graduating teen is not going to include mailing invitations or even specialized phone calls.  They still figure Mom & Dad are taking care of the details.  Also, a high-school graduation is a transition period, unlike an adult college-graduation which is more or less a step/completion of a task that an adult is pursuing.  I would not consider attending a college-graduation in the same sphere.  So the exchange of who will come to what function, for me, is moot.  You knew about the graduation for your younger sis - don't know how - but it is reasonable to then call your sis and/or your parents and say, "Here's the deal - I don't get the impression that this is something I'm expected to show up for.  I really don't want to disappoint lil sis if when the day comes she wonders if I just didn't care.  Is my original impression correct, or should I start making traveling plans?"  

     

    If you do not go, be sure to send something for her to unwrap or to arrive when she gets home from the ceremony. 

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  • No, not a HS graduation. It's a residency graduation. And I already picked a gift, a spa gift certificate as recommended in MM.

    She was so happy and excited when I told her I'm considering to attend. She said not to worry about the ticket; she can easily get an extra one. Yeah, everyone seems excited of me going. lol. Now, I just have to deal with parting from DD. I try not to think how DH and DD's day would go without me because I end up worrying. Uggh! I know I have to go through this at some point. Smile

  • Either way is fine. It probably depends on how much the graduation matters to your sister. I didn't go to my own BS or MBA graduation, so in itself it isn't the end of the world.
  • If you were not invited, then I would say, pressure is off. If nothing else, talk to your sister. She may not have invited you since she knows you have a little one at home and that you are not close by. 
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