It's been 2.5 years since he passed and I relive those horrible four days every week. The thoughts just hit at random times...nothing seems to trigger them but wonder if this is normal years later. If you have lost a parent or someone special does this happen to you?
It's not really the loss of my dad that has made it so hard. Don't get me wrong...I miss him dearly. He had cancer for eight years and was a functioning workaholic up until he retired. While waiting for a new treatment...it just invading his entire body except his brain! That's been the hard part I keep reliving. While his body was giving out...he was very much aware of what was happening and the decision that needed to be made. The only thing that was keeping him alive was the oxygen machine...and you can't live on that. I hear the doctor asking him over and over in my head if he ( my dad ) would like to make the decision when to turn it off or if he wanted his family too. I can't imagine what it would be like to have someone ask you when do you want to die? In some ways, I am thankful my dads mental state was not affected in the end...we were able to exchange a very special goodbye before he passed but having the intact mental state has also made it very hard.