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Things to do with Stepdaughter

I have been in my stepdaughters life since she was almost 2, and my stepson's since he was born (Reader's Digest version - DH and his ex-wife married while they were still in highschool because she was pregnant; he was a year ahead, graduated and went off to the Army; came back they tried to make it work, it didn't, they separated, found out she was prego again, he met me, we have a great relationship with his ex and her husband, I promise I'm not a homewrecker).  My stepson is very active in sports and rides ATVs with his dad and stepdad.  My stepdaughter shows no interest in anything.  DH and I want to make sure she gets equal attention and opportunity to do the things she wants, but she just is not interested. 

This last year she asked to go to the aquarium for her birthday, which we happily did as a family.  She has asked to start coming with me to get our nails done or our hair done at the salon.  We have girl movie nights with her cousins and aunts, whom we are very close to.  It is just that she goes to all of her brother's games and goes and hangs out at the track with her dad when they go four-wheeling, we just want to make sure we are not sacrificing time with her doing something she wants to do so that she feels she is not getting her fair share.

We have awesome communication and I really do feel that she would tell one of us if she felt slighted in any way, I am just worried that she doesn't know her "options".  So ladies, what do you do with your 11 year old daughters that we can try?  Her mom is struggling with this too, so any advice is welcomed and doubly-appreciated!  Big Smile

IAmPregnant Ticker

Re: Things to do with Stepdaughter

  • Just keep listening to her about what she wants to do - hair & nails, aquarium.  Maybe ask her if she wants to go to museums, keep an ear open for anything she mentions when watching t.v., try seeing if she'd like to cook with you (about 11 is when I really got into cooking with my mom).  As long as you keep giving her some attention and listen to her, she won't feel any more slighted than another pre-teen.
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  • You two could join a ceramics group, and paint greenware and have it fired; it's so cheap, and really fun. There are ceramics places that let you come in on a one day basis, pick your ceramics and paint them, and come back in a few days and pick up the fired pieces.

    You could sign her up for a dance class; you two could do the museum seminar route, there are lots of one day seminars and classes for kids at museums and art galleries. Also, at most local zoos, there are children's classes and special tours. Aquariums also have children's special programs; and various sports events have children's nights etc. You could take her to musicals, shows, that kind of thing as well; if there's a children's museum or a special science museum near you, check out their childrens events as well.

    I am so happy for her that she has such a loving stepmother, and that her two parents and stepparents all get along; its nearly impossible to find this kind of cooperation amongst blended families like this.

    SO SINGS MY SOUL *WHAM!* MY SAVIOR GOD TO THEE *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!*
  • We have my SDs for the.whole summer. We put them in daycamp through parks and rec. They do so many different things it gives the girls the opportunity to try a whole bunch of new things. We now know that SDs like fishing and tennis. Maybe you can try that? Good luck!
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    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I'd also suggest some one on one with dad. If he spends a lot of time going to sports things with the son, he should also spend time with the daughter doing one on one things.
    SO SINGS MY SOUL *WHAM!* MY SAVIOR GOD TO THEE *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!*
  • When I was about that age my dad would take turns taking my sisters and I out for breakfast on Saturdays one-on-one.

     

     

  • All great ideas!  Thanks so much guys!!!
    IAmPregnant Ticker
  • image ukyankee:
    Just keep listening to her about what she wants to do - hair & nails, aquarium.  Maybe ask her if she wants to go to museums, keep an ear open for anything she mentions when watching t.v., try seeing if she'd like to cook with you (about 11 is when I really got into cooking with my mom).  As long as you keep giving her some attention and listen to her, she won't feel any more slighted than another pre-teen.

    I was in 3rd grade when I got really interested in cooking.  I used to watch "Great Chef's of America" on PBS...anyway...my mom and dad used to pretend we were making a cooking show and we would pretend film a show, talk out all of the steps, etc.  Well, thanks to web-cams, cheap videp-ca,s etc., you guys could actually really make a cooking show with her.  Cupcakes are always really easy to start out with, use a boxed mix and add in some special fixins to her liking (yes I said fixins) such as peanut butter, chocolate chips, rasberry jam, sprinkles, etc. and then let her go crazy decorating them...if thats what she likes.  I know I had SOOOOOO much fun with both of my parents (and my little sisters) making fake cooking shows. Just thought I would share!

  • I have step daughters who are 8 and 11. I basically play games with them and kinda go with the flow. If there is something they want to do, I ask them and go from there. Sometimes their requests are unrealistic so we cannot do those. And it's hard sometimes because they live over 100 miles away (due to their mother and their mother won't meet half way) and we don't get them a lot.
    image
  • Baking is BIG for us... Other things... going to the playground, bike riding as a family, making cards on the computer for bdays, etc, for family... making holiday decorations and/or decorating the house for other holidays (non homemade or homemade).

    Almost any craft stuff.  Regular board games. 

    As far as outside the home stuff... movies or renting dvd's.  Seeing old tv sitcoms that I used to watch as a kid...

    HTH!

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