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Is This Rude?

My FIL lives on the East Coast and is coming to visit us (on the West Coast) this weekend. FIL is a hugger.  He doesn't just hug you at the beginning of a visit and then when he leaves, he hugs you when he gets up in the morning, and before he goes to bed, and maybe a few times in between, whenever the mood strikes him.  He'll also put his arm around you if he's sitting next to you on the couch.  He does this to everyone, including me.  I don't love it, but I'm usually ok with it.

 But, DH just called him to make sure his flight leaving the East Coast was on time, and he said he had a very bad cold and offered not to come in case he gets us sick.  My husband told him he should still come and it will be fine.  I think its ok he is coming, but I really don't want to get constant hugs from a sick person, especially because I had to miss work two days this week due to a medical issue with DH, and then I'm traveling for work (flying) next week for a few days as well. 

 I told DH that I want to ask FIL nicely not to hug me when he gets here, explaining that because of work, I can't afford to get sick, but DH says that it would be rude to ask him that and that if I get sick, I get sick.  I think that is BS.  Am I out of line here?

Re: Is This Rude?

  • No, but you can ask him yourself too.  When he gets there and tries to hug you just say "FIL, I heard that you are sick and am really glad you are here but am going to skip the hugging because I have a really important thing for work next week."  
  • I think it's a little rude personally...and I don't blame your husband for not wanting to say it...

    perhaps say "one hub but then I"m going to keep my distance, I can't afford to get sick withe the week I'm expecting"

  • image piccolouno:
    When he gets there and tries to hug you just say "FIL, I heard that you are sick and am really glad you are here but am going to skip the hugging because I have a really important thing for work next week."  
    This is exactly what I would say.

    And no, it's not rude to say something. What would be rude is your FIL trying to hug everyone when he knows he's sick.

  • image casmgn:

    image piccolouno:
    When he gets there and tries to hug you just say "FIL, I heard that you are sick and am really glad you are here but am going to skip the hugging because I have a really important thing for work next week."  
    This is exactly what I would say.

    And no, it's not rude to say something. What would be rude is your FIL trying to hug everyone when he knows he's sick.

    Ditto. I don't think it's rude. 

  • image casmgn:

    image piccolouno:
    When he gets there and tries to hug you just say "FIL, I heard that you are sick and am really glad you are here but am going to skip the hugging because I have a really important thing for work next week."  
    This is exactly what I would say.

    And no, it's not rude to say something. What would be rude is your FIL trying to hug everyone when he knows he's sick.

    Ditto this.  Your FIL is already aware that he has germs that can spread.  Asking him to not touch you when he is sick is common sense. 

    Your DH needs to grow a pair.

  • I'm creeped out by the constant hugging.    When FIL visits, I give him a hug hello and a hug goodbye.   It'd give me the heeby jeebies to get a hug for just being me, all the time.   And an arm around me on the couch?   Eek! 

    I agree with PPs.   "hey dad!  OK, just this one hug until you're feeling better.  I can't afford to take any time off work!"    That's not rude.    I don't shake  people's hands when I'm sick.   It's just a common courtesy.

  • I can't imagine flying with a bad cold and your DH was pretty insensitive to tell his dad to come while he was sick and to tell you that your health is not important. Since when is it good sense to have a sick person visit? Your DH is out of line and it would make me pretty annoyed it my DH told me to risk getting sick because his Dad would be hurt he couldn't spread his germs on me.

    The constant hugging is creepy and I wouldn't appreciate them even from a healthy person.

  • Not if it is approached correctly.

    And FIL might be avoiding it too - it was really something for him to say he didn't want to come because eh didn't want to get anyone sick.  (I wish he weren't going to be around the others traveling in the same direction spreading his illness - it would have been nice to say, let's post pone for a week to make sure you're good.)

    Stock your home with things for him to make him more comfortable - I would get some great chicken soup, cough drops, plush tissues, some meeds and maybe a little something that you know FIL would love as a "just because" treat.  When you meet him, do the "Oh, Air-hugs! Kiss-kiss" hug-avoidance dance and then immediately ask how he's feeling...no matter how he responds, you be uber friendly and reply with "Well, I'm going to make sure you get some great rest/relaxation and TLC, I've gotten you XYZ (the basket items) to help make sure you are comfy."  

    The balancing out the obvious "I don't want to hug" with "here's what I've done especially for your enjoyment" will make it plain that you are not being rude.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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