Family Matters
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Are you not supposed to tell people that a family member has passed away?

My really nice MIL passed away in December, and it's been really strange.  We haven't told that many people, but we're often getting no response from people.  Is it bad manners that I'm telling some of my friends my MIL has passed away?  Or is it just awkward, and they don't know what to say?  I'm not looking for sympathy, but when someone asks what's new, it seems strange to leave out that a major part of our lives is gone.  But maybe I shouldn't mention it?

 What do you think? 

image image
...............the papeete blog...............

"Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone." - Tommy Cooper

Re: Are you not supposed to tell people that a family member has passed away?

  • I don't know... I do know that if you were my friend I would want you to tell me, even if it felt awkward.  Left Hug
  • Thanks, jesmadi-- that's what I thought, too.  Oh, well.

    (shrug) 

    image image
    ...............the papeete blog...............

    "Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone." - Tommy Cooper
  • If you were my friend, I'd want you to tell me.  Not telling a friend seems like you are assuming that they really wouldn't care.

    Now, if they didn't know MIL, there isn't much you can expect them to say except for "I'm very sorry."  Sometimes I don't ask any additional questions ("Was she ill?") b/c it seems like prying - not b/c I don't care.

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
  • No response at all?  Not even, "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that"?

    Very strange. Some people are weird about death.

    But no, it's not bad manners to share that news.   

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Thanks, Wahoo and Liza. Glad to know I didn't unintentionally commit some major etiquette faux pas.  Good point on if people didn't know her, but still, I thought no response was strange, too.  I'm relieved to know I'm not the weird one in this situation.  Thanks, ladies! :-)
    image image
    ...............the papeete blog...............

    "Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone." - Tommy Cooper
  • I think that's a very normal thing to share with friends. I'd be hurt if someone close to my friend died and they felt like they shouldn't tell me. I'm sorry for your loss. 
    [IMG]http://i40.tinypic.com/rka6nk.jpg[/IMG]
    6/50
  • image blueshirt2003:
    I think that's a very normal thing to share with friends. I'd be hurt if someone close to my friend died and they felt like they shouldn't tell me. I'm sorry for your loss. 

    I agree. And I'm also sorry for your loss.

    My darling daughter just turned 4 years old.
  • It's very normal to share, but it seems strange to me that the people you are close with are finding out two months after the fact.

     

    If, in fact, you are not close to these people, and you are answering a casual "what's new?" with "MIL died" -- well, that seems awkward to me.

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