Family Matters
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Hello Nesters!

I keep having mixed emotions about starting a family. Let me give you a little information about me and my DH. We met in 1999, dated for a about 5 years and got married in 2005. I am 26 and my DH is turning 29. We owned a one bedroom condo that we lived in for 2 years and sold. We brought a brand new 4 bedroom 2 bath home, aprox 2300 living sq feet. We painted, and just furnished the last room (other than one bedroom we are leaving empty). We both have decent jobs and are ok financially.

We always knew we wanted children so that is not an issue. When we were in the condo I knew we didn't have room for a baby. Now that we have this home, have had time to have time for ourselves (married almost 4 years), and are not to young, I guess its time to have a baby. I mean I want one, always wanted to be a mother. I always talked with DH and asked him when. He was like maybe next year. Well that has come and now he says to me ok we will try this month. But for some reason I am still scared. I don't know why but I just am!! Its really weird. I just wish it could just happen and that we don't try to have one.

Have any mothers out there just scared about having a baby? I am sure everything will be fine and I am just worring over nothing!!

How did you get over those fears?

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  • Now that we have this home, have had time to have time for ourselves (married almost 4 years), and are not to young, I guess its time to have a baby.

    Stop right here.  This is NOT a reason to start having kids.  Just because "Oh- it's what we should do next....". 

    Now- I feel fear is normal.  Having kids is a HUGE step and I think any normal person should feel SOME apprehension, SOME fear.  So that's not a reason NOT to have kids.

    However, you should WANT to have kids, you should feel ready on some level, you should be able to say "o.k.- it's time. This feels right".

    It's just not something you do because it's the next logical step in life.

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

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  • I didn't mean it that way. I want children. I love children. Actually I was pretty upset that we brought the one bedroom condo because I wanted children right away.But I guess now that its time I am frightfull.
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  • Frightened about what?  Your ability to care for a baby?  The disruption in your lives?

    When I was pregnant with our 2nd, I was a little bit frightened about "how are we going to manage this" even though I wanted 2 (at least) kids.  I was afraid of how dd was going to adjust to a younger sibling, etc.  It was already hard being a working mom of one - what was 2 going to be like, etc. This was AFTER I was already pg, so there was no going back (lol) but everyone adjusted fine.

  • I guess how I am going to care for a newborn. I have always been around babies and children. I have my CDA and been in a daycare as a teacher. That I am fine with. I guess its the newborn factor. Never really been around them much.


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  • A baby is a huge commitment and a choice that can totally change your life in ways you can't anticipate. Only a fool wouldn't be a little wary.
  • Of course it's normal to be afraid of something this life-altering.  And make no mistake - having a child will be the single most life-altering event in your life.  It obviously changes your lifestyle, but the changes go so much deeper than that - it changes the way that you think and the way that you feel about just about everything. 

    It's not so much that you "get over" the fear - that never really goes away, I'm still afraid on some level every single day about my ability as a parent.

    But I knew that I was truly ready for a child when the feeling of fear was quickly followed with a calmness, and a feeling of "you can do this". 

    If you're not there yet, now is not the time for you to TTC.  It doesn't matter how old you are or how big of a house you have or when you and your DH said you would start TTC.  If you're not ready yet, you're not..................pushing yourself to be ready before you truly are is a tragedy - to you, your DH, and your future children.


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