Sex & Romance
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I miss sex....

I know I have seen a post similar to this on here one of these days, but I can't find it anymore. I'd really appreciate your advice. I have been with my husband for about 7 years now (and lived together for about 4 of those) and we used to have very passionate sex maybe 4 or 5 times a week. But since we got married, I am lucky if we have sex twice a month! He is still very affectionate with me, maybe even more so than before. But just no sex... and I'm getting a bit frustrated. I've tried everything (or at least it feels that way). It's even gotten me feeling unattractive, undesirable. I've talked to him several times about it, he just says he doesn't feel like it. I know it's nothing wrong with him medically since I've seen that he watches porn sometimes (I don't normally have a problem with that, unless it gets in the way of our own intimacy... which I'm starting to think it is). I don't want to forbid him from watching or doing something he wants... but I miss sex! :( 

 Any advice? 

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Re: I miss sex....

  • What has he said when you talk about it?

  • He just says he is tired, stressed, or that I just don't catch him when he's in the mood or I always want to at the wrong time. And then he makes the point to remind me I'm beautiful, and tells me how sexy I am and that he loves me.... but still no sex!
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  • Research the Madonna/Whore complex.  It?s a problem some men develop after marriage where they love their wives or girlfriends too much and see them as too virginal to taint with sex.  It?s a very common problem best solved with couples counseling.

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  • How about he makes an effort to catch you when he is in the mood?

    He could also have fallen into a nice deep sexual rut - at any rate, he has to work on this with you.

    I always suggest jumping into the shower when he's in there. Let nature take its course.:)

  • Is he really stressed, with school or work? That can have a huge impact on someone's libido. I for one think 4 or 5 times a week would be hard to maintain over time, once life gets in the way, and everyone says that frequency slows down over time, but that seems to be a pretty dramatic change. What else is going on with him?
  • image LittleLady77:

    Research the Madonna/Whore complex.  It?s a problem some men develop after marriage where they love their wives or girlfriends too much and see them as too virginal to taint with sex.  It?s a very common problem best solved with couples counseling.

    Well, I feel a little bad for MH. . .when he does not give me any the game begins. That happened this weekend, being too scared to pretending to be tired. I got your tired!

  • I swear I'm starting to feel like some crazed sex addict ... I even dram about it now. The sex count so far this month: zero!... and there are just a few days left in my "month". This morning's response to my sharing the fact that I had a sex dream: "are you going to start again?" ... I'm sorry, it got me in a bad mood and I had to vent. Thanks for listening ;)
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  •   If human nature prevails as it usually does. People tend to hoard and/or become fixated on what is in limited supply. Thus driving up interest in the product or activity to abnormal levels.

      If DH was "on the job" every time you wanted action. Your need and frequency would gradually drop from your current "demands".

      While not a popularly accepted theory, the following one still clings to life. And don't blame me because I'm just the messenger.

       Men get bored with what they have. It's about another conquest and new "victories". Being long term and in particular married, the excitement and novelty can wain.  

       Of course do not rule out depression, stress, natural aging process, blood sugar, weight (yours and his) etc. 

  • Reading your posts is like reading my own thoughts - I've felt like a sex addict too! MH and I have definitely been at the 'twice a month' point before, and if I didn't practically force myself on him at times, we still would be. And that's why I feel like a sex addict. I totally understand your feelings. Don't you love when you try to be sexy or get things going and it's met with the biggest turn-off comment ever? MH is GREAT at that. I come on to him and he 'playfully' blames me for all his problems. Uhh thanks babe, that really gets me going.

    I posted a few days ago about my frustration of getting things going, and I got a lot of great responses. The post was "I need help from the bedroom pros". I got a lot of encouragement and ideas and me and DH are at 3 times in 6 days. I still feel awkward and like I'm the sexual deviant, but I figure it's just something we have to work through.

    Good luck, honey - I hope things improve!

  • Thanks! Just got back from reading the responses to your post. I too have tried to "spice things up", only to have him ruin the moment (hm, hug, you look sexy but not tonight...) and then end up just cuddling, grrrr. 

     But I'm not giving up! I will definitely try some of the advice they gave you and hopefully things will pick up. I've already tried a few with one success, hehe. So now I just have to keep things going ;)

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