March 2009 Weddings
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update on the pay-to-attend wedding

So, DH called his cousin to verify that we needed to pay to attend and his cousin said yes. When DH asked why his cousin just said, " because it costs too much." What? REALLY!? DH didn't tell him how he really felt (I was surprised because DH doesn't usually hold back), but he told him that he might now be able to make it.  I know DH feels really conflicted because his cousin was one of the few family members of his that came from NJ to TX for our wedding.

I emailed DH's aunt (cousin's mom) to see where they were registered so that I could send a gift in case we don't attend (which we're probably not). Aunt emailed back, "they're not registering since they're not having a reception (more on that later), so you can send a monetary gift to him and his fiancee. It needs to be check or money order." Thoughts on that????? 

Oh and about the non-reception reception. Apparently, the venue has a banquet hall and restaurant. They're just renting out a private room in the restaurant. To me that still seems like a reception, but I guess since their isn't a DJ or band, they don't consider it a reception....maybe that's why they're charging everyone to attend. 

baby joel 5.22.11

Re: update on the pay-to-attend wedding

  • WTF!?!?!?

    So you're paying for dinner. And a gift for them.

    Uggghhh...Ms. Emily Post would NOT like this.

     

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  • I feel like it just keeps getting worse....

    Why don't people have etiquette or common sense. Even my DH and BIL (who are clueless about weddings) were appalled.

    baby joel 5.22.11
  • This is so bizarre. It must be costing them big bucks if they're not even having dancing, just dinner. It's just so nutty.
  • image ajdubya126:

    I feel like it just keeps getting worse....

    Why don't people have etiquette or common sense. Even my DH and BIL (who are clueless about weddings) were appalled.

    My thoughts exactly 

    ETA: the non-reception reception: LOL 

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  • Decline in invitation and send them a crystal vase with no receipt so that they can't return it for cash. 

    They're going to end up making a profit on charging per head for the non-reception. If they're renting out a room, what is going to happen in said room? Are they going to have everyone order their own meal and drinks and pay their own tabs?

    I wonder how many people were invited.

    I'm sorry your DH is conflicted, I would be too but my DH would smack some sense into me. 

    image image image
  • image Five_letter:

    Decline in invitation and send them a crystal vase with no receipt so that they can't return it for cash. 

    They're going to end up making a profit on charging per head for the non-reception. If they're renting out a room, what is going to happen in said room? Are they going to have everyone order their own meal and drinks and pay their own tabs?

    I wonder how many people were invited.

    I'm sorry your DH is conflicted, I would be too but my DH would smack some sense into me. 

    I'm so sending a crystal vase or something personalized. The whole reason I asked the aunt where they were registered was because I wanted to send a gift that if they did return they would only get store credit. Is that passive aggressive of me? 

    I guess everyone is just going to eat dinner after the reception. To me that would still be a reception (minus having to pay part). They said there would be no place to put gifts, so that's why they're not registered. If you're renting out a private room, I'm pretty sure they could wheel in a small table for gifts. 

    I think they're doing a set menu. I looked at their private room menu and it's between $20-$50 per person.

    DH is conflicted, but I think he is more pissed off than anything. 

    baby joel 5.22.11
  • You can totally do a gift table in a restaurant room.  You can do it even if you don't rent out a private room; we did it with my sister's baby shower.  They don't want gifits; these leeches want cash.  They want you to pay for yourself to eat and then pay them to live.  Or maybe for their honeymoon.

    It's outright disgusting.

    And btw, they're from NJ?  People here do not do this.  Please don't think poorly of us.

    Get them a Mikasa picture frame.

  • I can't believe people are actually like this. I wonder how many people will actually go to their wedding...

    I would totally send something personalized. And if they give you crap for it, I'd go off. Holy moly. 

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  • I'm really at a lost for words, I think a vase and no receipt is your best bet.
  • image LarissaAnn:

    You can totally do a gift table in a restaurant room.  You can do it even if you don't rent out a private room; we did it with my sister's baby shower.  They don't want gifits; these leeches want cash.  They want you to pay for yourself to eat and then pay them to live.  Or maybe for their honeymoon.

    It's outright disgusting.

    And btw, they're from NJ?  People here do not do this.  Please don't think poorly of us.

    Get them a Mikasa picture frame.

    Don't worry, Larissa, I know!  I've been to a few weddings there and never had to pay my way! Y'all throw big bashes! I was amazed by the amount of food!

    baby joel 5.22.11
  • I love the vase or picture frame is a great idea.
  • A check or money order???  Did she seriously say that? 

    ALRIGHT-I can see her responding saying, "The couple did not register because there wasn't anything they needed.  I know they are trying to save for xyz (home, baby, whatever) so they'd be more than happy to receive a monetary gift if there isn't anything that comes to mind."

    That is a more polite way of "asking" for money.  A check or money order?  Did they think that you thought they'd have a credit card machine in attendance as well???

     

    I can't wait to hear the continuation of this story!!!!

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  • OH BTW-I'd consider sending something really inappropriate at this point.

    Kama Sutra book all the way-LOL!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • image alyssa44:

    A check or money order???  Did she seriously say that? 

    ALRIGHT-I can see her responding saying, "The couple did not register because there wasn't anything they needed.  I know they are trying to save for xyz (home, baby, whatever) so they'd be more than happy to receive a monetary gift if there isn't anything that comes to mind."

    That is a more polite way of "asking" for money.  A check or money order?  Did they think that you thought they'd have a credit card machine in attendance as well???

    Eric said that!  "What, they're not setting up a merchant account for this?"

    I can't wait to hear the continuation of this story!!!!

  • Wow!!! That is so far beyond rude! I would definitley be sending something that they cannot return. This really irritates me!
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  • So DH decided he's not going to the wedding at all. He's going to be in the area for an awards ceremony (about an hour or 2 a way), but he doesn't want to go to it. He said when he called, his cousin's first response was, "are you asking why you have to pay to attend? You're paying for your spot at the reception." DH was furious and he was even more upset by the email response I got from the aunt. He wanted to call and demand answers (why not push the date back to the original Sept. date? why not have a cake and punch wedding or one you can afford?), but I told him that nothing his cousin says will make him feel better about having to pay to attend a wedding.. He knows most of his family won't attend. He even said, "Ash, I know I was clueless about weddings, but I knew this. I would like to think that you, as the bride, would not let me do this." And he's right. What bride doesn't know this? Unless she just really wants that fancy wedding and will do anything to get it.

    When his cousin came to our wedding, the only expense he really had was his flight and some meals. He stayed at our apartment with some of the groomsmen (I stayed with a friend and at a hotel). Some of the local groomsmen drove him around. Even though he wasn't officially in the wedding party (he offered to cut all the guys' hair and my husband paid him, plus he received tips from all of them), he still came to the rehearsal dinner and, of course, he was a guest at the wedding and reception. I feel like my husband went out of his way to make sure he was comfortable and involved without having to spend a lot of money!  I know part of it is that my DH is hurt and feels like his cousin's actions show that he doesn't want him there.

    baby joel 5.22.11
  • image ajdubya126:
    He said when he called, his cousin's first response was, "are you asking why you have to pay to attend? You're paying for your spot at the reception.
    Which just means they know it's wrong because everyone is questioning it!
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