Family Matters
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email [email protected]

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

Mixed Family

I was adopted at the age of 7 after being shuffled between biological father, biological mom, and grandparents. 2 years ago I was reunited with my biological father's side of the family who I hadn't seen in over 20 years when he died. Unfortunately I was never able to actually reconnect with him before his sudden death. His family grew up poor and never really had the ambition to really do anything with their lives except for one uncle. I have been back there a few times to visit and have become close with my cousin who does have ambition and wants to be nothing like her mother or anyone else in the family. My aunt, grandparents, and hubby have voiced their opinions about being in contact with that family again. They still think that the are good for nothings and I shouldn't associate with them. I am not trying to be like them, but I want to stay close with my cousin. How do I do this and can it be done?
image

Re: Mixed Family

  • It's very simple:

    Do as you wish.

    If you want to keep your cousin in your life, that's your decision --- and if they don't like it, too bad.

     

  • Do what you want and stop telling your family about it!  Seriously, the less they know, the less they can comment.
    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • Stay in contact with her and tell your family as little about it as possible.

    I am curious as to why your H doesn't want you to have a relationship with her?

    Hope is not a strategy.
  • imageZestofLime:

    Stay in contact with her and tell your family as little about it as possible.

    I am curious as to why your H doesn't want you to have a relationship with her?

     

    He thinks I shouldn't have contact with any of the family because most of them aren't ambitious and are kinda low lifes I guess is how you would put it. But by cousin nor her hubby and their family is.

    image
  • Do you do everything your H tells you to do?

    Why does he get any say in your relationship with YOUR family?



  • imagemagsugar13:

    Do you do everything your H tells you to do?

    Why does he get any say in your relationship with YOUR family?

     

    Nope dont' do everything he ask me do, etc. He just voiced his opinion like other family members have done. And he doesn't have a say - I can take his opinion but it doesn't mean I have to use it,

    image
  • You are old enough to make decisions on your own about what family members you allow in your life.

    Everybody will have an opinion if you allow them to have one.  Heck, my mom tried to tell me to get involved in DH's family mess (people speaking to each other, then not - my mom told me it was my job to keep my DH connected with his family).  Simply refrain from sharing about your relationship with your cousin, it's none of their business.  If you invite cousin to a family gathering at your place, they have to learn to be polite.  If they ask you about it, tell them it is not up for discussion.

    Are you sure they are only concerned about your bio-family's socio-economic status?  There could be other issues involved, such as the fact that you haven't seen these people in 20 years, what kind of "family" could they be (how convenient that now you don't need any love or support from them).

     

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
  • imageWahoo:

    You are old enough to make decisions on your own about what family members you allow in your life.

    Everybody will have an opinion if you allow them to have one.  Heck, my mom tried to tell me to get involved in DH's family mess (people speaking to each other, then not - my mom told me it was my job to keep my DH connected with his family).  Simply refrain from sharing about your relationship with your cousin, it's none of their business.  If you invite cousin to a family gathering at your place, they have to learn to be polite.  If they ask you about it, tell them it is not up for discussion.

    Are you sure they are only concerned about your bio-family's socio-economic status?  There could be other issues involved, such as the fact that you haven't seen these people in 20 years, what kind of "family" could they be (how convenient that now you don't need any love or support from them).

     

     

    I had never given much though to that perspective. Thank you. I think that they think I have nothing to gain of any time of relationship with that family. Hmm I can understand some of the reasoning now.

    image
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards