Sex & Romance
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Just not into it

hi all...

anyone experience the issue of just not being into it at all?  And by it I mean sex.  Like, I couldnt possibly desire it less.  My DH is a wonderful man, but I just don't find myself attracted to him in the least anymore.  

As far as other stressors that are going on, we have a toddler, we both work full time, I work 60+ hours a week and commute 10, we have some financial stress but nothing too crazy, and we can both stand to lose several pounds (say 40lbs).  This has been occuring pretty much since I had DD, and hasn't been a big deal until recently when we started discussing TTC #2.

I do love him very much, but don't know how to handle this.  Obviously, this isnt good for us short term or long term.

Any help, suggestions?

TIA 

Re: Just not into it

  • I certainly won't claim to be an expert, but I do know from experience that when one or both partners are experiencing a lot of stress, the sex drive takes a huge dive. It's really hard to think about getting turned on when you've worked a ten hour day and are worried about financial issues.

    As far as TTC, if you are experiencing financial stress right now, do you really think it's a good idea to get pregnant? It will only make your financial problems and stress worse.

    With regards to the weight, what about suggesting to DH that you two join a gym together and keep each other motivated? Or what about investing in some work out videos or a treadmill if you aren't fond of working out in front of people? 

    At the very least, I would definitely suggest sitting your DH down and letting him know how you're feeling. He's your partner and he deserves to have you communicate with him. Explain that you're overwhelmed and discuss ways to improve the situation with him. Let him help you, you aren't in this marriage alone and you don't have to solve this on your own.

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  • It doesn't sound like it's a physical thing but incase you might want to mention your sex drive to the doctor.

    Do you have date nights, great time to destress, focus on each other and not have to worry about your kid.  It sounds like a lot of the problem is the fact that your life is so hectic, you feel stressed and don't have down time together.  A date might could help.

     As for the weight, this could be an issue too. Lack of energy comes with being overweight and it could lead to less of a sex drive.  Why not try to figure out 2 nights or mornings (or even lunch times during work) that you could put in work outs, either together or separate)....a lot of gyms even have daycare so you could bring your kid with you.  Working out is great for your sex life, helps reduce stress and gives you energy, strength, flexibility and boosts your libido:)

  • imagesoxvyanks:

      My DH is a wonderful man, but I just don't find myself attracted to him in the least anymore.  

    This kind of strikes me as a red flag. I'm kind of getting the, "He's a great provider, husband & friend. I have a lot of respect for him, but it's really not a romantic type of love" vibe from this statement.

     I think it's totally normal to have periods of time where your interest in sex wanes....especially with all of the stuff that you mentioned. But to say that you're not attracted to him in the least anymore seems to be a pretty bold statement.

    Are there other things in the marriage that you're not happy with? Are there things in your sex life (even before when things were better) that you're not satisfied with?

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  • imageLil'BlackDress:
    Do you have date nights, great time to destress, focus on each other and not have to worry about your kid.  It sounds like a lot of the problem is the fact that your life is so hectic, you feel stressed and don't have down time together.  A date might could help.

    I was also thinking that a date night would be a good idea. Get a sitter and go out for a nice dinner with your DH. Don't talk about work or children, just focus on reconnecting with eachother. You never know where a date night might lead! You could take it a step farther and go away for a weekend, just the 2 of you. Then you would be away from the stress of everyday life.

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  • I've been having the same problems and cannot for the life of me figure it out. I know it's not DH because I just have no desire period. I've been to the doctor and she said my testosterone was low and gave me a script. However, that didn't do a thing for me. AND it was the highest dosage! I just finished reading the Orgasmic Diet so hopefully that'll help. I really miss that "I need it now or I'm gonna die" feeling. It's frustrating and I've tried to fix this to no avail.
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