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Would this make me a giant B?

For Christmas I wanted to take out my closest friends and their SOs to dinner. There is 1 other person (we'll call her Jane for the sake of simplifying things) that is also close with my close friends.

I've know Jane for 20ish years, but some stuff has happened within the last 4-5 years that has made us not as close, but we were never really close to begin with either.

Then Jane did something about a year and a half ago that I'm morally against and I'm really trying to cut my ties with her.

I haven't contacted Jane in a few months, but we have been at 2 of the same parties within the last few months- so I have seen her.

Would it make me a huge b!tch to invite all of the other friends to dinner and not invite Jane, knowing full well that Jane will probably find out that she's not invited? 

 

Re: Would this make me a giant B?

  • depends...how many people are you taking out? 1 or 2? no, jane will be fine if she doesn't go. 9 or 10? jane will probably feel excluded.....how do the others in the group feel about jane?

    regardless...you don't have to take her out to dinner if you don't like her.

    p.s. can i come?

    ♥ bfp2 02/15/2012 ♥ edd 10/23/2013 ♥
    ♥ bfp1 06/14/2011 ♥ edd 02/22/2012 ♥
    ♥ baby jennlin born on 02/15/2012 ♥

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    who says you can only wear your wedding dress once?

    honeymoon biomarried bioplanning bio
    jumped ship to the new and improved nest. back to TB for baby boards.
  • I would be taking 8 people including me and H.

    1 person in the group feels the same way about Jane that I do (trying to cut ties)

    1 person is BFF with Jane, but also understands my stance on Jane (she happens to be BFF with both of us) 

    the rest of the group is friends with Jane, but I don't think anyone else knows the full story about Jane.

    LOL. Do you really want to come?

    Oh, btw, I'm going to be in Everett on Friday. I'm going to email you. 

  • image jennlin:

    p.s. can i come?

    This. Can we get a how-to guide on becoming one amongst UWHusky's closest friends? :)

    That's really generous of you to take your friends plus SOs to dinner! Obviously, if you're "hosting", you should be able to call the shots. I'd just ask, how do the rest of the friends feel about Jane? Do they understand the situation enough that you can ask them gently to avoid telling Jane that you are taking them to dinner? If your friends are understanding of your side and won't make a huge deal about it Jane, I think there's no problem. However, if your friends might turn this against you to make you LOOK like a giant B, there might be an issue.

    But regardless, I don't think it would make you a B. I don't think anyone who treats their friends to dinner out could really be called a B.


    2012 Racing Plans:
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    ...more to come!
  • image MerrileeKate:

    I'd just ask, how do the rest of the friends feel about Jane? I'm pretty sure the majority of the group likes her and has no problems with her.

    Do they understand the situation enough that you can ask them gently to avoid telling Jane that you are taking them to dinner? There's only 3 of us that knows the full situation and we all found out by mistake. So, the 3 of us have agreed not to say anything to anyone else in our circle of friends about it. 

    If your friends are understanding of your side and won't make a huge deal about it Jane, I think there's no problem. However, if your friends might turn this against you to make you LOOK like a giant B, there might be an issue. I'm pretty certain that my friends wouldn't turn it against me, but they might feel uncomfortable that I wasn't inviting Jane. Our group of friends is normally pretty open, so I'm also afraid that someone might say something accidentally.

  • I don't think so at all! You say you weren't that close, and have been more distant over the years, and it sounds like you'd rather be acquaintances than friends, so why bother with an obligatory invite?
    image
  • I dont think it makes you a B to not invite her. Its your gift to your friends for the holidays she should know she doesnt fit in that category. I dont think just because you have known her for such an amount of time and because she is friends with the others that are going should mean anything. If she isnt one of your close friends then it shouldnt even be something you worry about.
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers Photobucket Even babies love the hounds
  • I think it's just fine for you to not invite her. I woould make it a point to avoid discussing it around her and to make her absence from the guestlist know to the extent tactfully possible so others don't ask her if she's going, etc.
    EDD 9/24/13 BabyFetus Ticker
    Best sound ever: baby's heartbeat! (Heard @ 10w1d)
  • image uwhuskygirl:

    So, the 3 of us have agreed not to say anything to anyone else in our circle of friends about it. 

    dang, i want to know what it is.

    do the other people (not the 3 that know the story) know that you and jane aren't very close? if they know, i would hope they understand.... are you taking them somewhere *nice*? i.e. if it's pizza, then it might be awkward for jane to not go, since it's more casual, but if you're taking them even somewhere remotely nicer..say olive garden? then it would be just fine to exclude certain people.

    ♥ bfp2 02/15/2012 ♥ edd 10/23/2013 ♥
    ♥ bfp1 06/14/2011 ♥ edd 02/22/2012 ♥
    ♥ baby jennlin born on 02/15/2012 ♥

    image
    who says you can only wear your wedding dress once?

    honeymoon biomarried bioplanning bio
    jumped ship to the new and improved nest. back to TB for baby boards.
  • image jennlin:
    image uwhuskygirl:

    So, the 3 of us have agreed not to say anything to anyone else in our circle of friends about it. 

    dang, i want to know what it is.

    Wait, this is the beauty of the interwebs. None of you know Jane. :) 

    So, long story short Jane cheated on her FI (they were together 7 or 8 years, living together. Her FI moved to Seattle for Jane even.)  Jane sees nothing wrong with what she did. Her defense is that things "weren't working out with FI any more" and that's the story she told to everyone.

    The kicker is that the person that Jane cheated on her FI with turned around and cheated on Jane and Jane had this super mellow-dramatic (almost) breakdown.... all broadcast-ed on FB. Jane's an AW if I've ever seen one.

    Thanks everyone for your responses. I'm not going to invite Jane. 

  • where's janes ex-fi now? i hope he's engaged to a super model that rescues homeless animals.

    ♥ bfp2 02/15/2012 ♥ edd 10/23/2013 ♥
    ♥ bfp1 06/14/2011 ♥ edd 02/22/2012 ♥
    ♥ baby jennlin born on 02/15/2012 ♥

    image
    who says you can only wear your wedding dress once?

    honeymoon biomarried bioplanning bio
    jumped ship to the new and improved nest. back to TB for baby boards.
  • Jane's exFI moved back to NYC and went back to school at FIT.  Her work has also been written about in some awesome design blogs, featured on Nate Burkus's new show and her career is really starting to take off. She's doing amazingly well and I've never seen her look so happy.

    Jane's exFI is currently seeing someone else who seems like a good fit. (Jane is not with anyone and pretty jealous of the relationship.) 

  • if this is your xmas gift to some of your friends, i absolutely think that you don't need to invite her. i wouldn't even ask the other friends about it.. since this is your gift. no need to feel bad about it.
    image"I've always followed my father's advice: he told me, first to always keep my word and, second, to never insult anybody unintentionally. If I insult you, you can be goddamn sure I intend to. And, third, he told me not to go around looking for trouble." -John Wayne
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