September 2009 Weddings
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I have a vent (maybe TMI?)

I'm starting to think that H doesn't want to have sex with me. Ever. It's really beginning to annoy me. We decided - together - at the end of summer that we'd start TTC. H said he was more than ready, and I'm ready too. No problem there.

Well, it seems like I practically have to throw myself at him all the time. He never initiates anything. I can't even remember the last time he initiated it. He almost seems annoyed with me sometimes. It's not like I want to do it everyday, but it's more often since we're TTC.

I'm just getting sick of being the one to initiate sex all the time. Sometimes by the time we get to it, I'm not even in the mood anymore because it was so much work to get to that point in the first place.

Last night I sort of blew up at him and said "you do realize in order to knock me up, you need to have sex with me, right?" The a$s just sighed and nodded.Angry WTF.

I don't know what to do anymore. Not only am I annoyed, but I'm starting to think he doesn't find me attractive or something. Talk about a self-esteem killer.

/vent.

<a target="_blank" href=http://tinyurl.com/4npsg2m/>Blog</a> [] <a target="_blank" href=http://tinyurl.com/4om2o84/>Planning</a> [] <a target="_blank" href=http://tinyurl.com/4t8xhr3/>Married</a>



Charlie ? 12/11/2011



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2012 Book Count: 16

Re: I have a vent (maybe TMI?)

  • Maybe he's scared to knock you up? So he thinks by abstaining it can't happen. Although it's not the best way to tell you, maybe that's the true root and not that he no longer finds you attractive. Even though he says he's on board, he could be too scared to start that phase. Just a thought.
    Baby, you've got the sort of eyes that tell me tales...
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    :Blog:
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  • I kind of thought that too. But then why does he keep telling me he's ready?

    If he wants to wait, all he has to do it say so. Instead he keeps blowing me off.

    <a target="_blank" href=http://tinyurl.com/4npsg2m/>Blog</a> [] <a target="_blank" href=http://tinyurl.com/4om2o84/>Planning</a> [] <a target="_blank" href=http://tinyurl.com/4t8xhr3/>Married</a>



    Charlie ? 12/11/2011



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    2012 Book Count: 16
  • Idk why he'd say he is If he isn't. I just think men have a really hard time with this. Kev and I did the "whatever happens happens" approach and we knew (thought ) we were ready but after we would have sex, he'd be like "there's not much of a chance you could get pregnant right now right?" I would be like ummmmm seriously?!?! Then once we found out, he freaked out for about 4 days. It wasn't a fairy-tale story like most people have lol. Now he's happy and onboard and at first I just thought it proved he wasn't ready but I realized we'd never be 110% ready. I don't think anyone truly is. Doesn't mean we didn't or don't want him. KWIM? I think you should ask him. Is it me or are you scared that this might lead to me being pregnant sooner than you planned?
    Baby, you've got the sort of eyes that tell me tales...
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  • I KWYM. I guess I'll just have to ask him. I just wish he'd come out and be honest with me so I wouldn't have to ask....
    <a target="_blank" href=http://tinyurl.com/4npsg2m/>Blog</a> [] <a target="_blank" href=http://tinyurl.com/4om2o84/>Planning</a> [] <a target="_blank" href=http://tinyurl.com/4t8xhr3/>Married</a>



    Charlie ? 12/11/2011



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    <a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="http://lb2f.lilypie.com/8SVtm6.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie Second Birthday tickers" /></a>



    2012 Book Count: 16
  • Yea I understand. And it's hard to think about when you thought you made this decision together. Maybe he's afraid to disappoint you BC you did already make this big decision and now he's having second thoughts. (Possibly ) But to be honest, I'd rather that be the reason than him no longer attracted to me etc. The TTC can wait until you're both comfortable.
    Baby, you've got the sort of eyes that tell me tales...
    image
    :Blog:
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I think tgoff is right, he's probably just feeling anxious now that it's an actual possibility. Before, when you were talking about when to start TTC, it's still not really real.

    I also think you should tell him how his reactions (or lack thereof) are making you feel, that it sometimes seems like he's not attracted to you. Odds are, he isn't even aware of that and it might help him respond better in the future. Men are so obtuse sometimes. They really are like a different species.

  • image mcd11:

    Men are so obtuse sometimes. They really are like a different species.

    I couldn't agree with you more on this.

    I'm going to try and talk to him about everything tonight.

    <a target="_blank" href=http://tinyurl.com/4npsg2m/>Blog</a> [] <a target="_blank" href=http://tinyurl.com/4om2o84/>Planning</a> [] <a target="_blank" href=http://tinyurl.com/4t8xhr3/>Married</a>



    Charlie ? 12/11/2011



    <img src="http://i50.tinypic.com/idf6si.jpg">



    <a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="http://lb2f.lilypie.com/8SVtm6.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie Second Birthday tickers" /></a>



    2012 Book Count: 16
  • Totally agree with the ladies above. Mark wanted to TTC earlier this year and then he kind of backed off- I didnt know what to think, and it causes you to have an emotional roller coaster. We actually sat down and had the talk about when the "perfect" time was to have a baby and I can say it really came down to the fact that we were both ready, just scared for the next step. I cant imagine things different now, but if we would have waited it wouldn't have been a huge deal. Talk to him-  hopefully he will open up. There are times that mark will say he wishes we would have found a house first (which we would have never been motivated if it wasn't for the baby) or gone back to Europe again- but again, it just depends on you. Good luck and hopefully it will turn around.
  • I'm sorry he's being weird Michelle. Hopefully he'll be open and honest tonight when you guys talk. {{hugs}}

    Kari & Jesse 09.26.09
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  • i think that you should talk to him about how it makes you feel and maybe explore why he is being that way. maybe he doesnt even realize it. i went through a similar situation (obviously without the TTC part) but in the end when i talked to him about it, it was because he had felt that he had gained a lot of weight and didnt feel attractive himself and not at all that he didnt find me attractive. good luck!
    [IMG]http://i39.tinypic.com/2pzxst3.jpg[/IMG]
  • When H and I were TTC there was a point where H was acting similar to yours. When we talked about it he said he didn't want to feel like we were just having sex to get pregnant. He said he knew we needed to do it at specific times but he didn't want it to become a chore.

    I was able to see where he was coming from and tried to sit back and let it happen and on the days I thought I could be ovulating I would just say in the morning, "Hey its that time: and then he would do the rest and then during the rest of the month I would try and be the one who would initiate. I didn't want him to think I was initiating because I only wanted him for his little men.

    The best way to figure it out is to probably talk about it ans see where he stands. Even though we were ready to get pregnant when we finally did H was a little nervous for a few days until it sunk in.

    GLLeft Hug

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  • Floyd admitted to me that he felt the same way as some said above.  He wasn't obtaining, but he didn't want sex to be something we had to do.  He wan't scared of the fact that we were TTC, but because he feared that he wouldn't be able to get me pregnant and felt a lot of pressure in that way.
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    #1Suspected CP{9/11}


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  • image kmo630:
    Floyd admitted to me that he felt the same way as some said above.  He wasn't obtaining, but he didn't want sex to be something we had to do.  He wan't scared of the fact that we were TTC, but because he feared that he wouldn't be able to get me pregnant and felt a lot of pressure in that way.

    A lot of guys go through this. Almost all of the guy friends that I have, that are now married with children say that they feared this when they started to TTC.

    I know that a lot of the reason that my H and I aren't TTCing is because he fears that I won't get PG because of PCOS and Endo and he doesn't want me to feel that type of disappointment.

    I say just openly ask him what he is really thinking. Be calm and don't blow up at him. You may find out that he has a load of insecurities about TTC and that it's not that he doesn't want to TTC. Possibly share some of the things that scare you about TTCing with him in the conversation. The both of you will feel better after you talk openly.

    Dave and Kathleen - 09.12.09:

    image 

  • I'm really sorry you're going through this, Michelle. If there's one thing I've learned about men it's that you can't be subtle. So I think sitting him down and asking him point blank why he won't initiate is probably your best bet. I think the other ladies had some good insights too if his behavior has radically changed since you started TTC. I hope you guys work something out soon.

    BFP 9/22/10, missed m/c 11/1/10 at 9w3d, D&C 11/3/10, diagnosis: trophoblastic hyperplasia
    BFP 6/18/11, missed m/c 8/16/11 at 11w2d, D&C 8/17/11, diagnosis: baby girl with Trisomy 21
    BFP 5/29/12, healthy baby boy born 2/12/13 at 40w5d :)
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    Congrats to both my TTC buddies, Amberley18 and sb2006 on their beautiful babies!
  • Thanks for all the insight ladies. You've made me feel a bit better about the situation.
    <a target="_blank" href=http://tinyurl.com/4npsg2m/>Blog</a> [] <a target="_blank" href=http://tinyurl.com/4om2o84/>Planning</a> [] <a target="_blank" href=http://tinyurl.com/4t8xhr3/>Married</a>



    Charlie ? 12/11/2011



    <img src="http://i50.tinypic.com/idf6si.jpg">



    <a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="http://lb2f.lilypie.com/8SVtm6.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie Second Birthday tickers" /></a>



    2012 Book Count: 16
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