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So instead of feeling wonderful and full and happy this Thanksgiving night, I feel sick to my stomach and ashamed of my family. Here's the vent....

Backstory: H and I got married in July. His parents are divorced, and his dad has been dating a wonderful woman for the past 5 years. They had 1 break in there, but have been tight. This woman would do anything for my H and his brother, is fiercely protective of him and has been more of a mother to him over the last few years than his own mother has.

My family, my mom's siblings and their kids, etc. always do a name exchange for whose going to buy who a christmas gift. I asked H's mom and his dad and his dad's gf to join it. Okay...

I started getting a lot of flack from my mom about it. I asked her what the problem was and she said she didn't know if people  from our family knew them. I asked her when our family became so stuck up because they do know them, from last Tday and the wedding, and other events we've all gone to together.

Now tonight, everything is fine, I had called each and every family member and they all said that they would love to have my inlaws in the drawing. Done. EXCEPT, I get pulled away by one of my aunts who then proceeds to tell me that she is okay with H's mom and dad in the drawing, but NOT his GF. She said people either had to be engaged or married to enter. WHAT! I know I excluded H the first year we were dating from it, but we were young and it wasn't so serious yet. But he's been in it ever since. And his dad and the GF aren't getting married any time soon. FIL doesn't ever want to marry again. So my aunt said that it can slide this year since she said I didn't have to go back in the house and dismiss her from the drawing, but next year she can't be in it.

I guess I'm just so angry and shocked that that is the whole reason there was a fuss to begin with. I don't think it's fair. And now H is really upset because she is his family and he feels like it's a personal attack against her. I do too. What do you guys think? Does this seem weird? H has said if this happens again next Tday, he's backing out of the drawing himself. I just think my aunt has made a mess of things. I understand if FIL and GF had only been together 1 yr, or even 2. But 5 yrs and they live together. I think she qualifies. I never thought my family would be like this.

Ah, vent over, just sad.


  • I am so sorry... That sucks that they put you in that position. I would try to talk to the family over the year when your husband is not around and see why (not that I am saying they are right!). Maybe you can show them how important she is in you and your husbands life.


    Good luck - and if you get her name.... Give her COAL!

  • image therickson:

    Good luck - and if you get her name.... Give her COAL!


    Yeah, I don't get it.  It's like people totally forget what the holidays are supposed to mean, and instead of including people and filling the world with warmth it becomes exclusionary and mean.

    And it puts you in a really stupid position.   :(  I am sorry that you have to deal with this drama.

  • and tell me that the gifts are not opened during a big family Christmas gathering.  Please tell me that she wouldn't be sitting there during a gift exchange, totally excluded?  Cuz that would be hurtful and rude and mean.

    LOL  I think I've jumped on your annoyed bandwagon.

  • No we all open them in front of each other! So this year she'll have something to open, but if it's next year, how horrible! I am still fuming today and it just doesn't make sense to me. Oh well, I think next Christmas Eve H and I will be attending hers instead of my families. Till they can be nice I'm staying away!

    And yeah, I thought holidays were about being fun and including everyone?

  • that's the strangest thing I've heard and it's a pretty lame excuse to not include her - I'm guessing they just don't want her in and that was the best reason they could think of.   I will say that I have learned one thing since being married (we've been dealing with a little of this for Christmas): it's not as easy or desirable for the families to integrate as it is for the couple.  As the couple, it makes sense for everyone to be included, but everyone else is being forced to share their bubble and change.  It's childish, but I'm guessing that's how your family might feel, even if they've had a while to get used to it.  I think you'd just need to remind them of the big picture (and to grow up!).  Good luck :)
  • It sounds to me like your aunt needs to be excluded, not the gf.  Can someone talk to your aunt and explain to her what an important part of the family the gf is?  Then, if she can't play nice, imo it's her that shouldn't play at all.
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