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Just found out oldest daughter will be going over there!

Talk about even hurting more.  I feel like my heart has been ripped out and stepped on.

My oldest daughter is going over there instead of being with us because she was invited.

Makes me hate my mother even more for ripping my family apart.

Re: Just found out oldest daughter will be going over there!

  • Is your mom the one who said things about your DD on facebook over a picture? I know you hate your mom right now but unless your mom is chloroforming your daughter and hogtieing her, some of your anger and hurt really needs to be aimed at your daughter.

    Im sorry that this time of the year is bringing you so much pain. I hope you can find some peace in your life and things at least between you and your daughter will heal.

  • Yes, she is the one that said crap about my youngest.  She has written my youngest and myself out of her life.  She is a f'ing b!tch.  Her and I have always had a difficult relationship, but it has gotten worse the last year.  My SIL is also the worse women you would ever want to get involved with.  She wrote off her parents and has now become my mother's best friend.  JUST because she wants money when she dies.  Because she won't be getting anything from her parents.  And my mother is too stupid to see that is the only reason she is best friends with her.

    I know my oldest daughter has her own mind and I should not be angry that she wants to go over there.  She says because she asked first.  It just really really hurts.  Especially when I see the hurt in my youngest daughter's face because her sister is wanted, but not her.

    What also makes me angry is... I miss my father so much.  And would love to see my aunt and uncle.

    I am so hurt and so damn angry.  I am just trying to keep it together because I am at work.  Otherwise, I know I would be crying like a baby right now.

  • I have a problem with your older daughter.  If my grandmother signed off my little sister, I'd tell my grandmother to go f*ck herself and never talk to her again; I'd side with my sister.  WTH is your daughter's problem, and why doesn't she have her sister's back?
  • I have issues right now with my mom too.  There are fewer issues with my dad.  (They are still married.)  I am just wondering, though, is there any way to see your dad without seeing your mom?  I am sorry this is so hard for you.
  • image LarissaAnn:
    I have a problem with your older daughter.  If my grandmother signed off my little sister, I'd tell my grandmother to go f*ck herself and never talk to her again; I'd side with my sister.  WTH is your daughter's problem, and why doesn't she have her sister's back?

    That is a damn good question.  And I have asked her, "How can you continue to talk and have anything to do with your grandmother knowing what she has done to your sister?"  And her answer was, "She hasn't done anything to me, and I don't want to get in the middle of it."  Trust me, this pisses me off very very much.  And it hurts my youngest so much.

    And I know for a fact my b!tch of a mother invites my oldest because she knows she will go.  And she also invites her over a month before.  For example, I told my oldest I really was hoping she was going to be with us for Thanksgiving, and I was told, "Grandma asked me first."

    I feel so sorry for my DH.  Because I get so depressed and emotional, and he is there for me.  He knows how much this is hurting me.  The pain I see on my youngest daughter's face just kills me.  And she has even told me, "Mom, grandma only disowned you because you are my mom." 

    I never thought I could hate my own mother as much as I do.  And I feel so guilty for hating!

  • So sorry to hear about the stress and pain you are going through with your family.  It cannot be easy to be managing your own relationship with your family and then trying to help your younger daughter deal with the hurt as well.

    I understand your daughter not wanting to get in the middle of things, that is admirable. And I'm not sure how old your daughters are, but has your younger daughter told your older daughter how upset she is about the issue with Grandma?  Perhaps they could have a sister-sister talk?

  • image BellaPteris:

    So sorry to hear about the stress and pain you are going through with your family.  It cannot be easy to be managing your own relationship with your family and then trying to help your younger daughter deal with the hurt as well.

    I understand your daughter not wanting to get in the middle of things, that is admirable. And I'm not sure how old your daughters are, but has your younger daughter told your older daughter how upset she is about the issue with Grandma?  Perhaps they could have a sister-sister talk?

    My oldest is 22 and my youngest is 14.  Yeah, I know... Kinda gives you an idea of my age. "sigh"  Wink

    My youngest just made the comment to oldest.  "Grandma is a b!tch."  Which I usually yell at her if she swears, but not this time. 

    I think I need to have another talk with oldest just to tell her again how shitty it is how youngest is being treated.  I mean... what grandma in the world writes off their own grandchild.  Oh, and my mother has two more granddaughters on my brother's side.  So she is loving and close to ALL of them, except for my youngest.  Just because of a stupid picture on facebook.

  • image Mrs D in May:

    That is a damn good question.  And I have asked her, "How can you continue to talk and have anything to do with your grandmother knowing what she has done to your sister?"  And her answer was, "She hasn't done anything to me, and I don't want to get in the middle of it."  Trust me, this pisses me off very very much.  And it hurts my youngest so much.

     

    This is kind of to repeat what I said last time, but I can't remember if you responded.  

    Have you pointed out to your older daughter that she is putting herself in the middle of drama?  She's upsetting you, your younger daughter, and your Mother will probably try to use their relationship to get information about you or vent about the situation etc.  

    It really makes me call into question why she needs this relationship with your mom.  She's young.  Does she think that she's going to be the miracle worker and bring the family back together?  I hope she doesn't try to assume the responsibility of being a mediator.  That's not her place, and it's a little disrespectful to your decision to separate ties. 

    In any case, f you want to say something to your daughter, you might want to request that you would appreciate her not discussing this situation with her grandmother.  "If grandma asks about us or starts talking negatively about us, I would appreciate it if you not engage her in that conversation."  In the same way, don't ask about grandma either, or what she's saying. Be the model. 

  • image Karen2905:
    image Mrs D in May:

    That is a damn good question.  And I have asked her, "How can you continue to talk and have anything to do with your grandmother knowing what she has done to your sister?"  And her answer was, "She hasn't done anything to me, and I don't want to get in the middle of it."  Trust me, this pisses me off very very much.  And it hurts my youngest so much.

     

    This is kind of to repeat what I said last time, but I can't remember if you responded.  

    Have you pointed out to your older daughter that she is putting herself in the middle of drama?  She's upsetting you, your younger daughter, and your Mother will probably try to use their relationship to get information about you or vent about the situation etc.  

    It really makes me call into question why she needs this relationship with your mom.  She's young.  Does she think that she's going to be the miracle worker and bring the family back together?  I hope she doesn't try to assume the responsibility of being a mediator.  That's not her place, and it's a little disrespectful to your decision to separate ties. 

    In any case, f you want to say something to your daughter, you might want to request that you would appreciate her not discussing this situation with her grandmother.  "If grandma asks about us or starts talking negatively about us, I would appreciate it if you not engage her in that conversation."  In the same way, don't ask about grandma either, or what she's saying. Be the model. 

    When she is with her grandmother, they do not discuss the situation.  And my oldest has told her that she won't be in the middle.  Which I give her credit for doing.

    My oldest is the oldest out of all 4 of the granddaughters by 7 1/2 years.  She had a very close relationship with my mother since day one, and I know she feels she shouldn't have to give up her relationship with her because of my youngest and myself.  Sucks, but I can honestly understand also.

    I just wish she would say to her, "I can not believe you can disown my sister like that." "What kind of grandmother does that." 

     

  • Bullsh!t.  What your daughter told you is a total copout and I don't believe it at all. 

    I'm sorry, someone messes with my sister, they're lucky if they walk away still breathing.  That "she didn't do anything to me" stuff is crap.  SHE HURT HER SISTER.  That really doesn't matter?  Seriously?

    And "grandma asked me first"?  Again, bull.  Did she seriously not expect that you'd ask too?  She couldn't have said to your mother, "Thanks, but I'll probably be with my mom, dad & sis"?  She couldn't have said, "Thanks, let me check with my mom and see what their plans are, and I'll let you know"?  Really?

    She's not in the middle, she's made a choice.  She's siding with your mother and has deserted her little sister.

    I hate to say this to a mom, but your older daughter is a heartless b!tch.

  • image LarissaAnn:

    Bullsh!t.  What your daughter told you is a total copout and I don't believe it at all. 

    I'm sorry, someone messes with my sister, they're lucky if they walk away still breathing.  That "she didn't do anything to me" stuff is crap.  SHE HURT HER SISTER.  That really doesn't matter?  Seriously?

    And "grandma asked me first"?  Again, bull.  Did she seriously not expect that you'd ask too?  She couldn't have said to your mother, "Thanks, but I'll probably be with my mom, dad & sis"?  She couldn't have said, "Thanks, let me check with my mom and see what their plans are, and I'll let you know"?  Really?

    She's not in the middle, she's made a choice.  She's siding with your mother and has deserted her little sister.

    I hate to say this to a mom, but your older daughter is a heartless b!tch.

    Well, her being my daughter I would not say that.  (but that is the mother in me talking).  But I will say she is thinking of no one but herself.  And this hurts alot.

    All I said to my daughter is... Well, Happy Thanksgiving!

    I should ask her... hummm.... should I ask you now to come over for Christmas before your grandmother asks?  But I know due to how angry I am.... I would be extremely rude and mean when I asked.

    My oldest is being extremely selfish and that makes me very angry. 

    I also would love to tell my b!tch of a mother that if she is not going to have a relationship with both of her granddaughters, then she doesn't have a relationship with either of them.  (I would like your thoughts on this - anyone).

    I will be leaving shortly for the day, need to pick up my youngest from school.

    I hope all of you have a wonderful and safe thanksgiving.

    Bless all of you!  : )

  • image Mrs D in May:
    image LarissaAnn:

    I hate to say this to a mom, but your older daughter is a heartless b!tch.

    Well, her being my daughter I would not say that.  (but that is the mother in me talking).  But I will say she is thinking of no one but herself.  And this hurts alot.

    Yeah, it's understandable that you wouldn't want to say or think that.  It's really harsh.  But looking in from the outside, I feel really harsh about this.  I just can't fathom not sticking up for my sister.

    image Mrs D in May:
     I also would love to tell my b!tch of a mother that if she is not going to have a relationship with both of her granddaughters, then she doesn't have a relationship with either of them.  (I would like your thoughts on this - anyone).I hope all of you have a wonderful and safe thanksgiving.

    I'd love for you to be able to say this too, but since the older one's an adult, you really can't control her relationships.  Saying this to your mother wouldn't help.  If anything, it'd cause more problems between you & your older daughter, who'd also likely resent her younger sister and cause more problems between them.  And if you couldn't enforce it, it'd just make you that much weaker to your mother - an empty threat is worse than no threat at all.

    Unfortunately, you can't force your older daughter to have the loyalties that she should have and you can't force your mother to love your younger daughter.  Even if she decided to tolerate your daughter, it'd always be forced, and the kid would know it.

    The whole situation sucks.  The best thing for you to do is stick by your younger daughter and let her know that YOU and your husband love her, that she's a wonderful, worthy person, and that other people are just miserable or stupid or ugly and she doesn't have to put up with that.  It's their loss.

  • Your oldest is 22? She's an adult and it's her choice so unless you pay her bills and she lives under your roof you really have no say in where she chooses to spend her holidays.

    Having been the one that was asked by my mother to choose sides between my mother and grandmother I know how much it sucks.

    Photobucket
  • What happened with the picture? 
  • I think it's pretty ridiculous that your daughter thinks it's okay to say "yes" to the first invitation that comes her way without any consideration to who else isn't invited and included.

    This isn't some innocent invitation that she is trying to push on everyone.

    My darling daughter just turned 4 years old.
  • image Mrs D in May:

    image LarissaAnn:
    I have a problem with your older daughter.  If my grandmother signed off my little sister, I'd tell my grandmother to go f*ck herself and never talk to her again; I'd side with my sister.  WTH is your daughter's problem, and why doesn't she have her sister's back?

    That is a damn good question.  And I have asked her, "How can you continue to talk and have anything to do with your grandmother knowing what she has done to your sister?"  And her answer was, "She hasn't done anything to me, and I don't want to get in the middle of it."  Trust me, this pisses me off very very much.  And it hurts my youngest so much.

    I could understand your eldest's point of view if both daughters were adults and as an adult your youngest had had a fallingout with her greadmother.

    But your youngest is just young still and this is about an old woman being mean and vindictive. 

    [IMG]http://i55.tinypic.com/213pzit.jpg[/IMG]
    Elizabeth 3yrs old Jane 1yr old
  • image Mrs D in May:

    I should ask her... hummm.... should I ask you now to come over for Christmas before your grandmother asks?  But I know due to how angry I am.... I would be extremely rude and mean when I asked.

    If you truly want to have your older daughter over for Christmas (in order to spend time with her rather than to spite your mother), then you should ask now for that reason, plus the fact that you know now that your mother will likely ask early, since it worked for her for Thanksgiving. No need to be snippy about it (after all, who wants to be invited in the way you described above?). What's wrong with saying, "D, I would really love to see you on Christmas. I hope you'll join us for brunch/dinner/whatever," leaving out any comments about her grandmother?

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I just want to thank everyone.

    I really thought hard about what each of you said.

    I appreciate it very much!  Smile

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