Sex & Romance
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Trouble with arousal and pain with sex

Ever since my husband and I have started having sex almost 2 years ago, I've had trouble even getting aroused and wanting to have sex at all and when we do, it's very painful for him to enter. I've been told by my gynecologist that my hymen was never torn (I think that's what it's called- I was never given the sex talk or learned anything about sex) and that I hold all my tension/stress there so it's very tight. I've had physical therapy to help with this but because of insurance we had to stop and it didn't really help anyway. I also have poylycystic ovarian syndrome and we've also changed birth controls to natural forms rather then hormonal since my gynecologist said they might be prohibiting me from getting aroused.It helped a little but after I stopped hormonal for a few months, it died down to nothing. Has anyone dealt with these issues? I would like to email with someone if anyone has any ideas or has dealt with this in a helpful way.



Re: Trouble with arousal and pain with sex

  • I'm struggling with nearly the exact same thing. My parents gave me "the talk," but sex still stresses me out. My gyno says everything is great down there, but I'm still having the same problem. I'm wondering if it's all psychological. I'm about to get another gyno's opinion, though. My insurance doesn't cover my old gyno, so I have to get a new one. Anyway, I don't think I'm all that helpful, but if you ever need someone to talk to about it, feel free to PM me. I know how you're feeling. My DH and I have been married 6 months, and we're in our 20s. I feel like I should want to have sex all the time. But I really just don't. :(
  • For you ladies that are struggling and got no sex ed and no education regarding your anatomy or his, I strongly suggest the book Our Bodies Ourselves and Woman's Body: an Owner's Manual -- and Man's Body: an Owner's Manual.

    Taking Charge of Your Fertility is another good one to read.

    A complete physical checkup for you is suggested -- maybe you're having hormonal problems, vaginisimus, an intact hymen or other issues that will interfere with sex and penetration.

     I also suggest masturbation. If you never have, start now -- you're sure to find out what makes you feel good.

    If you have polycystic ovarian syndrome, isn't a visit to an endocrinologist in order also?

  • Hi there!  I was bored and reading some posts on other boards (I usually post on H&F) and yours hit home...I was the same way with the whole not much sex drive and hurting when we had sex...

    so Ok so for being married over a yr we really don't have much sex but this is what I found some what helpful for me.  

    I found that when he goes down on me (sorry for TMI) and he gets me to O I am MUCH more relaxed and so then we can actually have sex...

  • I have almost your same exact issue.  I'm seeing a physical therapist about every other week.  I've been seeing her for about five months and have made a lot of progress.  My insurance doesn't cover this either, but its too important to me to discontinue (I have some credit card debt now cuz of it).  DH has started coming to the appointments with me, and we're in marriage councelling as well.  My OBGYN has me a on a few different things and I meet with her every two months to get and update and review blood results for review of hormone levels.  I haven't overcome this problem, but i feel like i'm on a clear path to sucess.  good luck, and feel free to message me if you have any questions.
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