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Is it too late?

I  found out that my future sil (bil's fi) was talking poop about my wedding during the weekend and was disrespectful to my relatives while we were taking pictures. My wedding have you, was five months ago. I would like to confront her about it because I find it hurtful to me.  She confronted me a while back about something she was annoyed about and I told her how I was feeling about some of her actions that I never got off my chest in a mature way.( this was also many months later) Well that blew up in my face because she went and blew it out of proportion and made my BIL call me and stick it to me. I honestly want have a healthy relationship with her where we can talk to each other like normal mature people if there is an issue, but due to past circumstances, I have been putting this off.  Honestly, I get along well with my BIL, not close, but cordial, but I know in reality, this is a catch 22 and I shouldn't really care what happens at least if she's goes running to him again, I'll be prepared!

Re: Is it too late?

  • You want a relationship w/ her?  Then put all this aside. Bringing up stuff form 5 months ago is only going ot make thing worse.  So - either "confront" her so you "feel good" about sticking it to her, or put it behind you and move forward.

    As far as trying to get on good terms w/ her, my advice is to just start being nice and cordial w/ her.  Don't push to be friends - it's too soon.

    But realize you may never get there either.  "Nice and cordial" may be all you ever have.  You married brothers - there is no requirement that you all have to be buddies yourselves.

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

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  • If you want to move forward with a positive relationship, then you have to leave the past in the past.  Your need to confront her with what happened five months ago does not jive with your desire to have a healthy relationship with her.

  • Both my SILs, my MIL, and my DH's female adult cousins talked poop about my wedding for months before AND during the weekend.  I just told people who brought it to my attention (or to them if they said it to me) that everything is done and it is the way DH and I want it.  They do not have to like it, but we hope they have a good time.

    Yes, I am still hurt that they talk(ed) like that about my wedding, but I loved every moment of the weekend and they cannot change that!  Just keep a positive attitude and move forward.  Be bigger than her nasty mouth! 

  • I agree with PPs, leave it in the past. If you do want to have a healthy relationship with her, it sounds like you need to be the bigger person. Calling her out now, and probably at any time, will result in a big blow out and her twisting things. It's not worth it! You also don't want to get in a situation where your DH and his brother feel caught in the middle. This issue sounds like it's mostly between you and her.

    I would leave it be at this point, and if other family members keep bringing it to your attention, you can just say; "I'm sorry to hear that she felt that way, or was doing those things at the wedding. However, DH and I are happy with how everything turned out and that's all that matters." Or just leave it be and just say, "That's too bad, but there's nothing I can do about that now." Either way people will get the hint that you aren't wanting to feed into it and will start leaving it be.

    As far as you and your SIL, at this point just move forward and be the cordial, polite person. I would minimize alone time with her, and make sure that someone else is with you when you are around her. That way if anything does happen later, then she can't try to play the, "But she did this, or said that" game.

  • You can't control what other people think, like, say or do. They're entitled to their opinion and how they act shows everything about them, nothing at all about you. Whether they "talked poop" about the wedding because they really hated it, or because they were jealous/angry/sad/upset or whatever, they have the right to do it. Look at it as their way of showing you who they are, what they're like.

    You, however, have the right to determine what your relationship is going to look like as a result of those behaviors of theirs. I don't think you're ever really going to be Bestest Buddies, but you can be civil and polite and ignore the inevitable jabs. At times, the kindergarten saying, "I'm rubber and you're glue - whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you" is a good one to remember. Keep in mind, what a person says or does shows everything about them and NOTHING AT ALL about you. Only what YOU say or do shows who you are.

    If I were you, I'd just ignore it. Seriously. Not let it bother me. The wedding day is about your husband and you, and if people don't like it or love it or have whatever opinions they might have, the point is that you got married to your husband and (hopefully) you're happy together. Nothing else really matters, in the grand scheme of things.

  • perhaps, since it was your DH's wedding too and it's his brother's fiancee that he should do the talking. it wasn't only YOUR wedding, he was there too.

     

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