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Sister-In-Law Issue

When my parents-in-law decided to pay down payment for a house as soon as we got married, one condition was to have my husband's younger sister (one year apart) on the title and live with us. I was not happy with the condition and got into countless fights with my husband because he did not see anything wrong with living with his sister when we got married but due to financial reasons, I accepted it.  It's been three years and today my husband finally asked his mom what we should do.  My mother-in-law called her daughter and asked when she was going to move out.  My sister-in-law got very upset and started yelling/crying at my husband for talking to her mom about the living situation.  I'm very upset that she does not feel bad at all about the situation and even worse she blamed us for everything. 

 To make the matter worse, my mother-in-law suggested that we pay half of the down payment amount she helped us with to my sister-in-law so she could move out. We don't have enough money to pay her out like that and I honestly don't understand why it's our responsiblity to pay her out.

 I see everything wrong with the situation but I need advice on how I deal with this situation.

 What can I do?

Re: Sister-In-Law Issue

  • What you can do is not take houses from your MIL with conditions. You agreed to these terms and conditions and now you're unhappy with it.

    Given that all of this is already done:you can move out of the house and pay your own down payment for your own house with your husband that i guarantee will not be saddled with any kind of conditions.

  • Her name is on the title, right?  So she is an owner as well?  You cannot kick someone out of the house that they partially own.

    Oh, and that was pretty sh*tty of your DH to run to mommy rather than talking to his sister directly. 

  • Sell the house and move on.

  • image Bison1376:

    Her name is on the title, right?  So she is an owner as well?  You cannot kick someone out of the house that they partially own.

    Oh, and that was pretty sh*tty of your DH to run to mommy rather than talking to his sister directly. 

    Her name is on the title so she's entitled to 1/3 of the profits if you sell or a buyout if you her want off the title. That's what happens when somebody's name is on the title. You agreed to this when you accepted your MIL's money, now suck it up, buttercup.

    And yes, her H is a douchebag momma's boy, which she knew before she married him. Him rolling over for mommy regarding the sister and the house downpayment couldn't have been her first clue to this but if it was, well, she still chose accept the money and still chose to say "I do." That's not mommy's fault or the SIL's fault, or even her H's fault.

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  • I'm sure this is MUD, but I'll play.

    Why on earth is your SIL supposed to feel bad?  She has done absolutley nothing wrong.  Nothing. 

    As said, sell and split the profits between those people on the title.

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
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  • Sell the house and give your MIL 100% of the downpayment back.  Then move into an apt. or condo that you can afford on your own, with no handouts. 
  • image magsugar13:
    Sell the house and move on.

    This and I wanted to add that maybe you shouldn't have purchased a house that you couldn't afford (downpayment wise and mortgage payment wise).

    I can't believe you married someone who saw nothing wrong with putting his SIL on the title of your house and letting her live there.

  • well what's done is done, at least you saw something wrong with putting your SIL on the title, however you husband did not, that's a red flag. I would never put a family member on a title of a house, a car, etc. I understand that you couldn't afford to buy the house on your own, but there are different options rather than resort to having your SIL be on the house title. All this makes me think that you are both young and immature, a responsive adult wouldn't buy a house if they couldn't afford it.

    Other than that, its not gonna be easy to get out of this situation since SIL obviously is entitled to live there and sees nothing wrong with living with her brother and his wife for a long term period of time. Also, your DH is a momma's boy. 

    You need to have a serious conversation with him, I see how this could cause fights in your marriage, ask him if its worth it

  • image s2ekk:

    My sister-in-law got very upset and started yelling/crying at my husband for talking to her mom about the living situation.  I'm very upset that she does not feel bad at all about the situation and even worse she blamed us for everything. 

    I fail to understand how your sister should have reacted when your husband went tattling to his Mommy to have her kicked out of a home she owns. What does she have to feel bad about exactly?

    2 IVFs & 1 FET. Welcome home baby girl!
  • Sell the house and move into an apt. or condo you can afford on your own.
  • A shared house? I think that this is terrible situation and either buying her out or selling the house is your only option. I would also talk to your husband and be more vocal/not agree to things that you know deep down are not a good idea!
  • Your main problem here is that your husband doesn't care how you feel and doesn't see the two of you as a team that needs to be making joint decisions. Also, your husband lacks communication and problem-solving skills. If the two of you have an issue with his sister living there, you both need to have an adult conversation with her to find a fair solution instead of running to mommy. Don't bring this issue up with the parents ever again. Mom isn't on the title and she gave the money away, so she doesn't get a say in what happens to it anymore.

    As far as your living situation, you and your husband are no more entitled to the house than your SIL. You're all on the title and none of you paid a damn penny toward the downpayment. You can't kick her out anymore than she could kick you out. In the eyes of the law and the court of public opinion, your interest in the house does not take precedence over hers. It sounds like his parents gave this money to help BOTH of their children get a good start in life, which is why the notion that she should leave and you should get to keep her share of the gift is ludicrous.

    As others have suggested, the only equitable options here are to sell the house and give her one-third of the profit, if there is any profit to be had in this market, or to buy her out. If it turns out that you have to take a loss, she would be responsible for one-third of that. Otherwise, you'll just have to suck it up and continue living with the perfectly natural and logical consequences of your choices. Since it doesn't sound like you currently have the money necessary to end this situation fairly, I guess you'll have to readjust your lifestyle and start saving up until you do.

  • Are you on the title too, or is it just your DH and your SIL? If it's just the two of them, which might make sense 'cause their Mommy paid then actually I think she's entitled to half the proceeds from the house sale as well or half the downpayment + any market appreciation to buy her out.
    2 IVFs & 1 FET. Welcome home baby girl!
  • Happier news for you: so long as your SIL is on the title with you and your DH, then she's entitled to 1/3 of all equity in the house.  That's why it's your obligation to buy her out.  Work out a fair price, considering her portion of the down payment and the amount she's saved in rent, and start charging her a portion of the mortgage if she's going to continue living there.
  • I assumed SIL was already contributing to the mortgage. If she's not, she definitely should be. In any case, this is all stuff that should have been worked out when you accepted the in-laws' offer: who was going to pay what, how long you planned to continue this arrangement, what would happen if someone left, etc.
  • Unfortunately it sounds like you are stuck.  Next time, if you dont have a down payment for a house, move into an apartment until you do.  That way you can buy it yourself and not have any conditions. 

    I can't even believe MIL would so much as think that it's ok for her newlywed son to even WANT his little sister move in with them in the first place!  I see a whole lot wrong with this picture!

  • Captain Hindsight here to give you the answer!

    You should never have agreed to this.  In fact, you should have reconsidered marrying a guy who thought this was okay.  You had misgivings all along..  Why didn't you say no?

  • I don't think it's fair to just kick your SIL out when you agreed she could live with you. Plus, she owns the house, too.

    I also think it's not fair that your H ran crying to mom instead of talking to his sister beforehand.

    I think it's only fair that you should pay your SIL her half, since she owns half the house.

    Either let her live there, pay her a fair share, or move to a place you can afford.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Thank you! I know! I was so surprised to hear that my MIL thought it would be ok but I understand I made a bad decision to let my SIL live with us.  (Yes, my SIL is contributing so more reason why I can't just ask her to move out....)
  • Yes, bad decision on my part.  I completely agree... but my SIL is not the easiest person to talk to so quite honestly I asked my H to ask his mom if she knew of her daughter's (my SIL's) plan.. regardless i should've never been ok with the idea of my SIL moving in with us when we got married and it's definitely hard to understand that my H and my MIL thought it would be ok... sigh... thanks for the feedback anyways.
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