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help!

my husband of 5 months just admitted to talking to other women online in a sexual manner, he said he views it like regular porn on the internet and that its only talking. I have a huge issue with this, i know its not physically cheating, but i feel like its damn close. idk what to do, i need advice asap please

Re: help!

  • I would definitely have an issue with that as well. It's not the same as just viewing porn. IMO it's a form of cheating, just on a different level.

    I would definitely talk to him about and let him know how you feel about it. You have a right to define that as a boundary and if he doesn't respect that, then you have other issues to deal with.

  • your kidding right? if you really need advice on what to do with this douche you are perfect together.


  • I would have a HUGE problem with this and definitely consider it cheating in an emotional manner. I think you have a lot to talk about with your husband.
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  • Chatting with someone is about developing a connection, which is way beyond watching porn.  It'd be the same as hiring a prostitute while married, so obviously this wouldn't fly in my household.  If you want phone sex or dirty Skype time, you talk to me, not a fvcking stranger.
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  • Annulment.

    It's a sure fire guarantee, too, that this mess went on long before you were married.

    Sorry but there is no reassurance that all he's done is have these women as a basis for phone sex.

    It's only talking? The hell it's not -- and that has zero to do with viewing porn on the internet. Don't let him take you for a ride.

  • Watch the documentary talhotblond and then let me know if it's something you can ignore.  Seriously.  It's not ok on so many levels.
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  • image ehostilo:
    Chatting with someone is about developing a connection, which is way beyond watching porn.  It'd be the same as hiring a prostitute while married, so obviously this wouldn't fly in my household.  If you want phone sex or dirty Skype time, you talk to me, not a fvcking stranger.

    ITA.  There's no way in hell this would be okay with me.  When you're watching porn, you have absolutely no interaction with those people.  IMO, it would be the same as if he were having phone sex with someone he works with, a friend, some chick he met and wants to know better, etc. 

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  • It is not the same thing. He is not being faithful to you and honoring his marriage promises! I would tell him that this needs to stop immediately and if he thinks he can't, or has an addiction or a problem with that etc. confront it from there. But i would strongly tell him that I will not be staying in a marriage where this is going on (and mean every word of it)
  • Well, I think he just gave you the go-ahead to talk to other men online. Since it's no different than watching porn, surely he won't have a problem with it. Enjoy!
  • image renegade gaucho:
    Well, I think he just gave you the go-ahead to talk to other men online. Since it's no different than watching porn, surely he won't have a problem with it. Enjoy!

    Yep, just make sure you know the screen name(s) he uses so you don't end up chatting with him--that would be awkward.

  • I think this is doomed.  Even if he stops today, you just found out that your ideas for what's appropriate behavior in a relationship are so drastically different that things you wouldn't even think you'd have to discuss are an issue.  And you can never talk about EVERYTHING, cover ALL your bases.  This is going to rear its head again and again and again.
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  • This would be 100% unacceptable for me... definitely some sort of cheating.

    If you're willing to work on the issue, maybe you could try watching porn together during sexy time or something, so that he can focus more on you.

    If it's become a kind of addiction (which I would guess it has), then I'd say get some counseling.

    Good luck!

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  • This is absolutely NOT ok and to me it's cheating. You need to sit him down and talk with him about it. Tell him point blank he can not continue to do this. You should probably go ahead and go over any other online activities you don't want him to participate in, even if you think it's common sense. Obviously he has no common sense with regards to what's appropriate conduct for a married man.
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  • You could also install a key log monitor thing on his computer and track what he's doing. He very well could be doing more than just talking to women online.
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