My little brother got a job this summer working construction downtown, about 20 minutes from our house. He is 20 and still lives with my parents, who live about 1 hour from us, so that means his work commute is almost an hour and a half each way. He is a responsible kid and he's trying to work his way through school, and about a month ago he asked if he could stay with DH & I "a few nights a week" so that his commute would be much shorter. The understanding at the time was that this would only last until he went back to school in the fall, so we said yes. I also assumed that he would basically just be sleeping at our house but not really 'living' here.
However...he has decided not to go back to school full time this fall (money issues). Since then he has continued to stay with us pretty much every weeknight. Not only that, but he is doing a lot more than just sleeping here - he eats our food, uses my computer (he doesn't have his own), does laundry here and generally makes himself at home in our house. He's pretty much a roommate. I feel obligated to include him in our family dinner.
There are lots of problems with this...we are in a small house, he eats a LOT (20 year old guy, manual labor, do the math) and he's not the cleanest/neatest guy ever. I have a 4 month old son and have recently gone back to work full time, leaving me with very little time to cook and clean for him. We have recently hired a nanny which has basically cut our living budget in half, so money is tight.
To be fair, he buys about half the groceries he consumes and he often plays with DS while I do things around the house (DH travels a lot). He mows the lawn occasionally and will happily offer any assistance I ask for. He knows how to cook and will cook for himself if he has to.
However, I never wanted a roommate...and I feel like the gig is up. But I don't feel right about kicking him out, I care about him a lot and he's a great kid. The struggle for me is that I feel like we need to make some adjustments to the arrangement if he's going to be here through the fall and I'm not sure how to talk to him about it. I want him to buy all of his own groceries, do a better job cleaning up after himself, and take responsibility for a few household chores. I would prefer that he not monopolize my computer (he generally messes around on FB or whatever when he's not studying, but sometimes I would like to use it too, after all it is mine!). I want him to have an "exit plan" - some target of getting his own place or doing something about the commute so he's not staying with us indefinitely. I want to be able to ask these things of him without hurting his feelings or making him feel like we don't want to do everything we can to help him during a tough time (my dad lost his job recently so my parents can't offer him any help).
I guess I partly just need to vent but I would love to hear any advice. Thanks!