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Are you for or against spanking??

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Re: Are you for or against spanking??

  • Dude, don't post on a public message board if you don't want honest opinions. We aren't required to agree with you or blow smoke up your ass.
    Hope is not a strategy.
  • I don't want everyone to agree with me and I do realize there are other options.... but depending on our child it will determine what method we use and spanking is not off the table for us I can't even count the number of times in here that  I have said "whatever works for you and your family is what you should use everyone is different".
    Anniversary
    "A women who can kneel before the Lord can stand up to anything"
  • According the OP I'm a total "brat" b/c my parents didn't spank me. I guess I better get to crackin' on the stealing, boozing while driving, killing, etc. - whatever OP thinks happens to kids who don't get spanked. ::insert massive eyeroll::

    Look, you are young. Believe it or not, you will grow up one day (the brain does not stop significantly developing/maturing until in your MID-THIRTIES - oh wait, that's research, nevermind) and you will probably think a LOT differently about things than you do at a young 20/21. Every single woman on here will tell you the SAME THING. I was 20/21 once - and that version of DW was not the best at long-term decision making. 

    Please reconsider whatever forms of punishment you plan to use with your kids.  

    And please learn to argue logically. Take a rhetoric class. Something. Your arguments and logic are faulty. 

  • image lisa2008boo:
    I don't want everyone to agree with me and I do realize there are other options.... but depending on our child it will determine what method we use and spanking is not off the table for us I can't even count the number of times in here that  I have said "whatever works for you and your family is what you should use everyone is different".

    Yes, kids are different. But I don't believe that the differences are such that some kids need to be hit.

    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • The same theories that allow parents to hit their children today were used to justify men hitting their wives a generation or two ago. If you can't legally hit someone else's kid why should you be able to hit your own?

     

  • I am against spanking for lots of reasons.  There's the research, of course, as well as the idea that it teaches kids to fear punishment, not consequences.  Thus, many children fear getting caught and spanked, rather than connecting their behavior with logical consequences.  I'm a huge fan of Love and Logic (I'd highly recommend their books and website) because it teaches children that there are consequences for their behavior in a way that prepares them for the consequences they'll face in the real world.  It's what I used in my elementary classroom and the principles (love the kids enough to let them experience the consequences of their actions, basically) really get the kids thinking. 

    I think the main thing is to be consistent.  Another problem with spanking is it is often (not always, but often) done in anger, so it's inconsistent... one day talking back could mean a time out, another a spanking.  Kids need consistency in order to learn what is okay and what isn't.  


    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Natural miscarriage @ 5w2d 5/25/11 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Never. I'll never spank my child. I'm better than that. And, if I can't figure out a punishment that works better than assaulting my kid, I don't deserve to be a parent.
  • People go on a tangent about spanking and it drives me up the wall.

    I knew a family who had two daughters.  Their mother was a teacher, so of course felt educated on child disciplinary measures to take that don't involve corporal punishment.

    Their first daughter, S, responded well to time-outs and simply listening to direct, succinct orders.  She was calm and quiet, and almost always obeyed and did what she was told.  When they did have to punish her, they never had to raise their voice, much less spank her.  They were confident in their abilities and had many anti-spanking tangents like half the posts on this board. 

    Then, T was born.  She was completely different from S.  Despite being raised the same way, with the same methods, with the same psychologist-recommended parenting tactics - nothing EVER worked to get T to behave.  She never listened, never obeyed, and threw loud fits.  All the proper disciplinary tactics that they had been educated in were completely worthless with T.  And no, she had nothing wrong with her other than a rebellious streak.  So finally, they gave in and spanked her - and it was often the ONLY way to get her to respond.

    The idea that these proper pop-psychology disciplinary measures work for every child are laughable.  Every child is DIFFERENT.  I will use whatever methods work best with mine.  If that's spanking, fine.  If it's not, even better.  I don't prefer spanking.  Kids don't come with a damn instruction manual and they CERTAINLY do not 100% adhere to the guidelines and rules set forth by today's awful psychology holier-than-thou BS - and this is coming from someone who completely respects and loves psychology, having had to use it to work through my own issues.

    I love how people let books tell them how to raise their children as if they were robots who all work and get "fixed" the same way, rather than figure out which actions work best on them individually. 

  • once again, I don't believe that the differences in children are such that some kids need to be hit. Basic human rights apply to kids too.
    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • image lisa2008boo:
     Look at kids today who weren't spanked they are drinking young having sex doing drugs running all over the place have no respect for their elders. Now compare that to the older generations who were spanked they would never even think of doing or saying half the things kids today do.

     

    But you were spanked. And you lost your virginity at "a young age" and lost a pregnancy during the "tough high school years" at the tender age of 17. 

     

    You just lost your own argument.  

  • I was spanked as a child, I learned real quick. I was not abused. I was put in time out, I was given a stern talking too, it all depends on the situation.

     

    I think it is a great thing to talk about before having kids, how do you plan to handle them and what are you both comfortable with.

    good luck=)

  • image rochella:

    People go on a tangent about spanking and it drives me up the wall.

    I knew a family who had two daughters.  Their mother was a teacher, so of course felt educated on child disciplinary measures to take that don't involve corporal punishment.

    Their first daughter, S, responded well to time-outs and simply listening to direct, succinct orders.  She was calm and quiet, and almost always obeyed and did what she was told.  When they did have to punish her, they never had to raise their voice, much less spank her.  They were confident in their abilities and had many anti-spanking tangents like half the posts on this board. 

    Then, T was born.  She was completely different from S.  Despite being raised the same way, with the same methods, with the same psychologist-recommended parenting tactics - nothing EVER worked to get T to behave.  She never listened, never obeyed, and threw loud fits.  All the proper disciplinary tactics that they had been educated in were completely worthless with T.  And no, she had nothing wrong with her other than a rebellious streak.  So finally, they gave in and spanked her - and it was often the ONLY way to get her to respond.

    The idea that these proper pop-psychology disciplinary measures work for every child are laughable.  Every child is DIFFERENT.  I will use whatever methods work best with mine.  If that's spanking, fine.  If it's not, even better.  I don't prefer spanking.  Kids don't come with a damn instruction manual and they CERTAINLY do not 100% adhere to the guidelines and rules set forth by today's awful psychology holier-than-thou BS - and this is coming from someone who completely respects and loves psychology, having had to use it to work through my own issues.

    I love how people let books tell them how to raise their children as if they were robots who all work and get "fixed" the same way, rather than figure out which actions work best on them individually. 

     

    Thank you you have summed up everything I have been trying to get across this whole time. I agree with this 100%. All children are not the same and all need different methods.Parents need to do what works for their situation. Books and research are great but they only get you so far the real human experience/being in the moment of it is a little bit different and much more reliable in my opinion.

    Anniversary
    "A women who can kneel before the Lord can stand up to anything"
  • image lisa2008boo:

    Books and research are great but they only get you so far the real human experience/being in the moment of it is a little bit different and much more reliable in my opinion.

    So you are admitting that all of us who've replied to you, who actually HAVE children and ARE parents, who have that "real human experience," might actually know a thing or two, even when we disagree with you?

    "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
  • FWIW, my children know darn well to stay out of the street and away from traffic without my hitting them.  I taught DD "hands on the car" from the time she could walk.  She stands with both hands on the back quarter panel of the car (think somebody getting patted down by a police officer posture) and doesn't move until I take her hand.

    And if she tried to dart, I used a very serious tone of voice that stopped her in her tracks and let her know that I Meant Business -- without laying a hand on her.

    She says "hands on the car" when I take her out of her carseat, and she says "no street" when we're playing outside.  She understands it.

    But since I don't spank her to drive the message home, I guess I'll be scraping her off the street someday...

    "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
  • Exactly and no one knows your child or your situation better than you. So no one knows what method of discipline your child needs more than you. So therefore no one can tell you what should work because you are the only one who knows what's best.
    Anniversary
    "A women who can kneel before the Lord can stand up to anything"
  • Actually the brain stops developing at 25 just thought I would throw that out there.
    Anniversary
    "A women who can kneel before the Lord can stand up to anything"
  • image lisa2008boo:
    Exactly and no one knows your child or your situation better than you. So no one knows what method of discipline your child needs more than you. So therefore no one can tell you what should work because you are the only one who knows what's best.

    Are you familiar with the term "syllogistic fallacy"?

    "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
  • I am against spanking.  I think it sets a poor example to use physical threat when you are upset by something.
    image
  • Everyone is going to have a completely different outlook on this.  20 years ago people would have no problem with this, and suddenly people now have an issue with it.  I wouldn't use it as a first resort, but if I had to I would spank.  My brother and I were bother spanked when we were bad as a child, and we dont have any issues from it.  In the end, some people are against the old way to raise a child and some have this new wave, which is fine.  Whatever works for you. 
    image
  • image rochella:

    The idea that these proper pop-psychology disciplinary measures work for every child are laughable.  Every child is DIFFERENT.  I will use whatever methods work best with mine.  If that's spanking, fine.  If it's not, even better.  I don't prefer spanking.  Kids don't come with a damn instruction manual and they CERTAINLY do not 100% adhere to the guidelines and rules set forth by today's awful psychology holier-than-thou BS - and this is coming from someone who completely respects and loves psychology, having had to use it to work through my own issues.

    This thinking just grates. There is a difference between research and pop psychology. The data about spanking wasn't conceived by someone typing up a parenting book. It's based on studying thousands of children over decades. It's not holier-than-thou BS. It's data.

    image Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers
  • I think it is a good thing that you are discussing how you will discipline your children before having them.  What couple wouldn't discuss how they are going to raise their children?  It comes along with couples discussing if they even want children or not. I don't think she is saying that she is going to spank them for every little thing, but for the more serious things.  If my child was to run out into the street and a time out or taking things away didn't work, I would spank them and if spanking didn't work I would have to find some other way to discipline them.  I am not saying that you should hit your child for every little thing because I don't think that is right, but if they are doing something that could hurt them, then a spanking might be what I would do. I also think that Lisa is listening to other posters opinions, but obviously she isn't going to be swayed by others and she is going to defend her beliefs just like everyone else is doing.
  • When the situation warrants, yes, we do spank. Lots of people speak of studies that show this and that, like all studies, you have the pros and cons on each side. I was spanked, my husband was spanked, we turned out fine. Using spanking as your first and only way to discipline is ridiculious. Spanking is a last resort in our house.
  • image susiederkins:
    image rochella:

    The idea that these proper pop-psychology disciplinary measures work for every child are laughable.  Every child is DIFFERENT.  I will use whatever methods work best with mine.  If that's spanking, fine.  If it's not, even better.  I don't prefer spanking.  Kids don't come with a damn instruction manual and they CERTAINLY do not 100% adhere to the guidelines and rules set forth by today's awful psychology holier-than-thou BS - and this is coming from someone who completely respects and loves psychology, having had to use it to work through my own issues.

    This thinking just grates. There is a difference between research and pop psychology. The data about spanking wasn't conceived by someone typing up a parenting book. It's based on studying thousands of children over decades. It's not holier-than-thou BS. It's data.

    The "data" goes both ways depending on who is writing the book.  There's no universal rule, and if there was, it would be highly publicized and spanking would be made illegal.  You can't say it's proven scientific fact. It's absolutely not. 

  • image rochella:
    image susiederkins:
    image rochella:

    The idea that these proper pop-psychology disciplinary measures work for every child are laughable.  Every child is DIFFERENT.  I will use whatever methods work best with mine.  If that's spanking, fine.  If it's not, even better.  I don't prefer spanking.  Kids don't come with a damn instruction manual and they CERTAINLY do not 100% adhere to the guidelines and rules set forth by today's awful psychology holier-than-thou BS - and this is coming from someone who completely respects and loves psychology, having had to use it to work through my own issues.

    This thinking just grates. There is a difference between research and pop psychology. The data about spanking wasn't conceived by someone typing up a parenting book. It's based on studying thousands of children over decades. It's not holier-than-thou BS. It's data.

    The "data" goes both ways depending on who is writing the book.  There's no universal rule, and if there was, it would be highly publicized and spanking would be made illegal.  You can't say it's proven scientific fact. It's absolutely not. 

    since when is everything that is known to be bad made illegal? I guess where you live cigarettes, vehicle and industrial emissions, obesity, clear cutting, drinking during pregnancy, etc are all illegal?

    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • image annabelle.27:
    image rochella:
    image susiederkins:
    image rochella:

    The idea that these proper pop-psychology disciplinary measures work for every child are laughable.  Every child is DIFFERENT.  I will use whatever methods work best with mine.  If that's spanking, fine.  If it's not, even better.  I don't prefer spanking.  Kids don't come with a damn instruction manual and they CERTAINLY do not 100% adhere to the guidelines and rules set forth by today's awful psychology holier-than-thou BS - and this is coming from someone who completely respects and loves psychology, having had to use it to work through my own issues.

    This thinking just grates. There is a difference between research and pop psychology. The data about spanking wasn't conceived by someone typing up a parenting book. It's based on studying thousands of children over decades. It's not holier-than-thou BS. It's data.

    The "data" goes both ways depending on who is writing the book.  There's no universal rule, and if there was, it would be highly publicized and spanking would be made illegal.  You can't say it's proven scientific fact. It's absolutely not. 

    since when is everything that is known to be bad made illegal? I guess where you live cigarettes, vehicle and industrial emissions, obesity, clear cutting, drinking during pregnancy, etc are all illegal?

    Yes, but discuss it with a doctor, not necessarily an authority figure like a cop.  A doctor would say all those things are terrible, because it's common sense and accepted as legitimate logic.  I'm pregnant, and I received cigarette smoking and drinking pamphlets even after I told the doctor I didn't engage in either of those activities anyway.  That's how seriously bad the effects are.

    I've never once heard a pediatrician come out against spanking, only low-rate psychologists, in it to write books, or "parenting experts" - it's faulty science, and I've recently interviewed a lot of pediatricians looking for LO's future doctor.  Doctors don't have to be popular.  They have NO PROBLEM telling someone "You know, spanking your child will be harmful to his/her development, so please don't do it," - if this was the case, they absolutely would.  They would harp on and on about it. They'd pass out pamphlets and keep them in the lobby.  

    Being pregnant, I've literally heard about folic acid nonstop from every doctor, licensed specialist, book, and random person who's been pregnant before to the point that it's starting to get irritating.  If spanking were as traumatic as pop psychologists claim it is, then trust me, it would be getting the same exact treatment from doctors and scientists everywhere.  

    If the science was so groundbreaking and the data was so powerful, do you really think that spanking would continue in this logos-driven society?  No, doctors and scientists and government agencies in every field would come out against it.

  • This is a very touchy subject!

    I spank my son. I have tried time outs and everything so I started spanking him and it does work for us. I DO NOT abuse my children I simply smack him on the butt. Now my 1 year old is still learning and I will smack her hand if I have to but I dont spank her.

  • image rochella:
    image annabelle.27:
    image rochella:
    image susiederkins:
    image rochella:

    The idea that these proper pop-psychology disciplinary measures work for every child are laughable.  Every child is DIFFERENT.  I will use whatever methods work best with mine.  If that's spanking, fine.  If it's not, even better.  I don't prefer spanking.  Kids don't come with a damn instruction manual and they CERTAINLY do not 100% adhere to the guidelines and rules set forth by today's awful psychology holier-than-thou BS - and this is coming from someone who completely respects and loves psychology, having had to use it to work through my own issues.

    This thinking just grates. There is a difference between research and pop psychology. The data about spanking wasn't conceived by someone typing up a parenting book. It's based on studying thousands of children over decades. It's not holier-than-thou BS. It's data.

    The "data" goes both ways depending on who is writing the book.  There's no universal rule, and if there was, it would be highly publicized and spanking would be made illegal.  You can't say it's proven scientific fact. It's absolutely not. 

    since when is everything that is known to be bad made illegal? I guess where you live cigarettes, vehicle and industrial emissions, obesity, clear cutting, drinking during pregnancy, etc are all illegal?

    Yes, but discuss it with a doctor, not necessarily an authority figure like a cop.  A doctor would say all those things are terrible, because it's common sense and accepted as legitimate logic.  I'm pregnant, and I received cigarette smoking and drinking pamphlets even after I told the doctor I didn't engage in either of those activities anyway.  That's how seriously bad the effects are.

    I've never once heard a pediatrician come out against spanking, only low-rate psychologists, in it to write books, or "parenting experts" - it's faulty science, and I've recently interviewed a lot of pediatricians looking for LO's future doctor.  Doctors don't have to be popular.  They have NO PROBLEM telling someone "You know, spanking your child will be harmful to his/her development, so please don't do it," - if this was the case, they absolutely would.  They would harp on and on about it. They'd pass out pamphlets and keep them in the lobby.  

    Being pregnant, I've literally heard about folic acid nonstop from every doctor, licensed specialist, book, and random person who's been pregnant before to the point that it's starting to get irritating.  If spanking were as traumatic as pop psychologists claim it is, then trust me, it would be getting the same exact treatment from doctors and scientists everywhere.  

    If the science was so groundbreaking and the data was so powerful, do you really think that spanking would continue in this logos-driven society?  No, doctors and scientists and government agencies in every field would come out against it.

    I don't know what doctors you're seeing, but every pediatrician I know recommends against spanking.  In writing.

    "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
  • I know of some of the Dr.'s here are against it but some say that you can do it as long as u dont leave a mark and as long as its on the butt only. Also our child and family services here says that if u spank your child to make it on the butt and not too hard and no more than 5 swats. So i guess it all depends on what state your in and what dr.'s are around.
  • I don't use spanking as my first form of punishment by an means, but I'm not going to say I've never gave my daughter a little tap on the bum. My main form of punishment that I use in Time Outs. I tell my daughter "go to your room and shut the door" (shutting the door is the mental part of it for my daughter, because she has to close herself off from all the fun going on in the rest of the house). She has to sit on her bed for 3 minutes and then I'll go get her and ask for an apology for what she did. There have been times however when the time out didn't work, and other methods of discipline didn't work (taking away a toy or book, telling her she wouldn't get to have dessert, etc etc etc) and she has been tapped on the bum. My daugher is in diapers (pullups), and i would never hit her so that it hurt, but the tap on the bum lets her know "uh oh, i really am in trouble" and it works for me. I don't believe in spanking a child to hurt them, I don't believe in spanking barebutt, I don't believe in hitting a child in any other way at all. But tapping her bum is what works for me in those few circumstances where it has happened.

    I think that any form of discipline should be discussed between the parents of the child, and if you have any questions or concerns, then they should definitely be discussed with the childs pediatrician.

     

     

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