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SIL WR - are we being unreasonable?

So, my SIL is getting married in CA in about a month. The ceremony & reception are at a hotel in Santa Monica, near where she lives. The discounted group rate for hotel rooms at the wedding hotel is $350/night. We're staying for 3 nights, so it would cost $1050+tax to stay at the wedding hotel.

There's another hotel option less than 2 blocks away that's $159/night. MIL has stayed at this hotel before and said it's nice. We decided to stay at the cheaper hotel because it will save us almost $600. It's not that we don't have $600, it's just that it seems like a waste. There's so much planned over the weekend that we'll barely be spending any time in our hotel room anyway.

SIL & her FI are freaking out and really mad that we're not staying at the wedding hotel. I don't understand why it matters to them. Why do they care where we sleep? We're not going to skip any wedding activities because we're staying at a different hotel, we'll still attend all the planned activities, we're only staying 2 blocks away.

Are we wrong to stay at a hotel other than the wedding hotel when it means saving $600?

Did you care which hotel your guests stayed at for your wedding?

 

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Mr. Sammy Dog

Re: SIL WR - are we being unreasonable?

  • Save the $600! i wouldn't spend $350 a night either. Between travel costs and hotel costs, I'm sure you are already spending a lot. You are 2 blocks away and not missing a thing. She will get over it.
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  • I would definitely stay at the cheaper hotel and your SIL has no reason to be mad. 
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  • I agree with JosiePosy.  No way in heck would I spend $350/night when I could go two blocks away and save $600.  I think that is ridiculous that they are making an issue about it.  I would just let them know that you are really excited about being involved in all of the wedding activities, but you will not be staying at the wedding hotel.  They can get over it.
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  • I should add that the rest of SIL/H's family is also staying at the cheaper hotel, with the exception of their mom & stepdad. All the aunts, uncles and cousins chose the cheaper option too. In fact, SIL emailed info on the cheaper hotel to us and reserved a block of rooms there for their wedding guests.

    SIL doesn't care that the rest of the family chose the cheaper option, she just cares that WE are staying there because Andy is in the wedding party and they want everyone in the wedding party to stay at the wedding hotel. Again, I don't understand why it matters.

    All of the other wedding party members are local to the wedding, so they don't have airfare costs, and they are only staying in the hotel for the wedding night instead of 3 nights.

    I think that if they want to require that the wedding party members stay at the wedding hotel, they should pay for it. :-)

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  • Save the $600! I couldn't even tell you who stayed at the Hotel we booked. The only people I remember are those who sat with us in the breakfast area when we opened cards and had breakfast.

    I can't believe they're freaking out about that. How silly.

    Maybe just reassure them that you're still planning on participating in the wedding activities?!

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  • Wowsa, I would definitely stay in the cheaper hotel.  Even the cheap hotel price seems really expensive to me, but then I'm a pretty big cheapskate when it comes to hotel!!!  I much rather spend money on food and activities than sleeping accomodations! 
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  • imageLauree1183:
    Wowsa, I would definitely stay in the cheaper hotel.  Even the cheap hotel price seems really expensive to me, but then I'm a pretty big cheapskate when it comes to hotel!!!  I much rather spend money on food and activities than sleeping accomodations! 

    Yeah, $159/night isn't usually considered "cheap" to me either, but it really is the cheapest option in the area. Santa Monica hotels are expensive. We could get a cheaper hotel further away, but then we'd have to rent a car or pay for taxi rides, which would negate the savings. By staying close to the wedding hotel, we can walk to everything we need to get to.

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    Mr. Sammy Dog
  • if it's that important to her that you stay at that hotel, she can fork over the extra $600.

    i think she's being 100% unreasonable.

  • I don't think you're being unreasonable at all - I wouldn't want to pay that much for a hotel! I think it's unreasonable that they expect you to stay at such an expensive hotel when you have a cheaper option.
  • You are completely justified and right to stay at the less expensive hotel ($350 is ridonkulous!). I cannot understand why SIL would be upset about it - - - unless she has a deal with the hotel that if a certain number of rooms get booked, she gets a discount??

    Our wedding hotel did that and since all of our guests stayed at the host hotel (which, oddly, was the most expensive option - but not by much) - and I ended up giving the free night to my sister to help cover her expenses. It was a nice perk and I'm glad it could use to help her out, but I never would have guilted my guests into staying at that hotel just so I could get a bonus! 

    As a guest  (wedding party or not), unless the host is paying, you have the right to do whatever you want - especially to sleep where you want!

  • She is a bride and she is over thinking things.  Stay in your cheap hotel go to all the wedding stuff she had planned and when the wedding is over she will see so many things she thought mattered that did not.
  • It sounds like her anxiety is talking... her anxiety is that if she has all the men under one roof (or maybe, the entire wedding party?) then that's one less worry of "WHERE IS SO AND SO?"

    Does your DH know the guys in the wedding party?  If so, maybe he packs a "wedding day bag" and has a home-base in one of the guys rooms and is there until he's ready to sleep....then he picks up his belongings and walks the two blocks.

    I do know that rounding up wedding party members can be like herding cats.  I had 6 people coming from I think 5 different states so it was a VERY stressful deal to ensure everyone got where they had to be.  :)

    That is the only logic I can see in her overreaction.  Or, as someone else said, the idea that maybe all the guests lose the group rate if there aren't enough rooms reserved and she assumed you guys were on her "guarantee" list of who would be there?

    Good luck!  Sounds like a posh hotel if the GROUP rate is $350! :o

  • As an aside - at least she had the courtesy to provide a less expensive option for the guests!

    We went to a wedding once where the only hotel option offered (where the reception was held) was over $250 a night and you had to book at least 2 nights - and that was the discounted rate!   No one stayed there and everyone grumbled at the reception about the ridiculous cost (even other hotels in the area required a 2 night booking) and how dififcult it was to get there and get home if you didn't have a hotel.  To top it off, the reception was at least 30 miles and a 45 minute drive from anyone's home so at the end of a LOOOONG busy day we all had to chase down cabs (or sober drivers) and drive ages just to get home. 

    But still - in your case, if you are provided with a less expensive option then the bride has no right to demand you not use it.

  • imagerazamataz:

    You are completely justified and right to stay at the less expensive hotel ($350 is ridonkulous!). I cannot understand why SIL would be upset about it - - - unless she has a deal with the hotel that if a certain number of rooms get booked, she gets a discount??

    Our wedding hotel did that and since all of our guests stayed at the host hotel (which, oddly, was the most expensive option - but not by much) - and I ended up giving the free night to my sister to help cover her expenses. It was a nice perk and I'm glad it could use to help her out, but I never would have guilted my guests into staying at that hotel just so I could get a bonus! 

    As a guest  (wedding party or not), unless the host is paying, you have the right to do whatever you want - especially to sleep where you want!

    I love the word ridonkulous. 

    I was wondering about this too - maybe the bride & groom get their room free if a minimum number of wedding guests stay at that hotel? Maybe they're a room or 2 short, so they're trying to convince more people to book at the wedding hotel in order to get their own room free, but they don't want to admit that's the reason they're trying to get us to stay there?

    Or maybe they had to guarantee a minimum # of rooms to get the discounted rate? We had to do that for our wedding, but we made our guarantee really low so we were sure we'd cover it. 

    I can just imagine what all their relatives said when they saw the wedding hotel rate is $350/night. Some of them complained about the hotel we booked for our wedding in St. Paul, which was $99/night!

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    Mr. Sammy Dog
  • imagestrength:

    if it's that important to her that you stay at that hotel, she can fork over the extra $600.

    i think she's being 100% unreasonable.

    This. times a bajillion.
  • Your SIL is being RIDICULOUS.

     

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  • I think its very smart to find a less expensive hotel.  If they were paying for you room it would be a totally different situation.  I guess I wouldn't worry much about it.  We booked blocks of rooms at several different hotels and didn't care where our guests stayed.  We wanted to give them several options. 
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  • imagemrsdawnmarie:
    imagestrength:

    if it's that important to her that you stay at that hotel, she can fork over the extra $600.

    i think she's being 100% unreasonable.

    This. times a bajillion.

     

    AGREED!

  • If it was a difference of $100 or so it would be one thing, but half the price?  It sounds like one of those things that bride focus on that is dumb to focus on when you have other bigger things to worry about.  I'd let it go and just stay where you want. 
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  • imagesjb&apa:
    imagerazamataz:

    You are completely justified and right to stay at the less expensive hotel ($350 is ridonkulous!). I cannot understand why SIL would be upset about it - - - unless she has a deal with the hotel that if a certain number of rooms get booked, she gets a discount??

    Our wedding hotel did that and since all of our guests stayed at the host hotel (which, oddly, was the most expensive option - but not by much) - and I ended up giving the free night to my sister to help cover her expenses. It was a nice perk and I'm glad it could use to help her out, but I never would have guilted my guests into staying at that hotel just so I could get a bonus! 

    As a guest  (wedding party or not), unless the host is paying, you have the right to do whatever you want - especially to sleep where you want!

    I love the word ridonkulous. 

    I was wondering about this too - maybe the bride & groom get their room free if a minimum number of wedding guests stay at that hotel? Maybe they're a room or 2 short, so they're trying to convince more people to book at the wedding hotel in order to get their own room free, but they don't want to admit that's the reason they're trying to get us to stay there?

    Or maybe they had to guarantee a minimum # of rooms to get the discounted rate? We had to do that for our wedding, but we made our guarantee really low so we were sure we'd cover it. 

    I can just imagine what all their relatives said when they saw the wedding hotel rate is $350/night. Some of them complained about the hotel we booked for our wedding in St. Paul, which was $99/night!

    This is what I was thinking as well. She might have some minimum to make, or pay extra, etc. I don't think that should be your problem or priority in this case. Airfare, plus hotel, plus food, etc. It is an expensive trip, and saving $600 could be a night out for you two and have quite a bit of change left over. haha.

    Santa Monica is beautiful though. I hope you have a great time!



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