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SIL and me...not compatible

My husband's sister, i love her to bits, we just have nothing in common. She's always very quiet when i'm over.

 What can I do? I'd like to have a "girls' day out" but i'm not sure what we'd do! lol. 

Re: SIL and me...not compatible

  • Discuss something in the news or celebrity news. Maybe that'll put you on common ground.

    What does she do for a living? ask her questions about her job or workplace.
  • my SIL is the same way. I asked her to be one of my bridesmaids because both of my sisters were going to be my bridesmaids too. We didn't have anything in common, but what girl doesn't like to be pampered? We went to a day spa and got manis and pedis and had a nice time. Commenting on the celebrity gossip in the magazines we were reading, just random chit-chat. It was nice.
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  • She may just be a reserved person.  Try taking her out to a movie and then drinks--you'll instantly have something to talk about.  Or ask her over for dinner and cook it together to get to know each other.  A cocktail wouldn't hurt.
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  • There's no rule that says you have to be BFFs with your SIL. Don't try to force anything. If a friendship happens, it happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't. The world won't stop spinning.
    fiizzlee = vag ** fiizzle = peen ** Babies shouldn't be born wit thangs ** **They're called first luddz fo' a reason -- mo' is supposed ta come after. Yo Ass don't git a medal fo' marryin yo' prom date. Unless yo ass is imoan. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Then yo ass git a all-expenses paid cruise ta tha Mediterranean n' yo ass git ta hook up Jared Padalecki on tha flight over while bustin yo' jammies. But still no medal.
  • I'm reserved. It takes me awhile to really be comfortable. Just let the relationship evolve over time.

    What does she like to do? If you want, suggest participating in an activity she enjoys.

    imageLilypie Fourth Birthday tickers
  • I'm w/ ziti and suzie on this.  Let it evolve over time. don't try to force a relationship w/ her just because she's your SIL. You can love her to bits, enjoy seeing her, etc, but that doesn't mean you have to be BFFs. 

    I'm not saying don't make an effort to draw her out, to learn about her - but if you don't feel a "girls day out" would really work right now, then don't push it. 

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • Well, she's only 18 so I can't take her out for a drink. LOL.

     She's very beatnik, thriftstore kind of personality, that's the only way i can describe it! LOL. 

    She's very quiet. She works at forever 21, so I pretty much know everything about her job, because i've had a million retail jobs. lol. 

     

  • she doesn't really watch TV or is interested in celebrities. lol.
  • Maybe a flea market? It's my idea of hell, but might be something she'd like.

    She's only 18. You're at different places in your life. Give her time.

    imageLilypie Fourth Birthday tickers
  • My SIL is 8 years younger than I am and we have very little in common.  We are pleasant to each other and we get along fine but we're not BFF or anything.  Initially I was sad b/c I wanted a sister but I got used to it and just let the relationship be what it is.
  • Just be happy you and SIL are civil with one another.  Some people are not that fortunate.  So if you two become close down the road possibly, just see it as a bonus but not a requirement. 
  • Be pleasant to her and continue to speak to her and otherwise engage her when you're around her.

    She's 18 -- right now she isn't going to have much in common with her older brother's wife.  The 18 year olds I know (and I teach high school, so I know quite a few) would not be into hanging out with their siblings' spouses at all.  Heck, my youngest sister was 18 when I got married and she didn't want to hang out with me very much.  I was in my 20s with a master's degree, a job, and a husband, and we just didn't have very much in common at all from her perspective.  With your SIL, there's also the teenage squick factor of "she's having sex with my brother."

    Give it a few years before you try hanging out and having girl time.  Once you have more in common and can meet on adult ground, things like girls' days out might go a bit more smoothly.

    "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
  • At 18, she's a completely different person than she will be at, say, 25. Just continue to be nice to her and let things happen naturally. She will probably come out of her shell as she gets older and gets a better feel for her personality and learns more about general social skills.

     

    I think it's nice to include her in things, but I also wouldn't set up a specific "girls' day out" or event just to get to know her better. Your heart is absolutely in the right place, but I think that she'd find a special outing to be awkward. Not because of you, but because it seems like that's just her personality right now. 

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  • I get along with my SIL and I think that if we lived closer, we would hang out.  She is difficult to reach and doesn't respond frequently to emails, texts, calls.  I used to get upset and now I realize that is just her.  She does it to everyone.  Its frustrating. 

    You just have to take the relationships for what they are. 

  • I am in the same boat with mine.  She is much younger then I am, in a completely different time in her life right now.  We don't really talk much, I am not going to push much.  I tried at one point and I was told by my bro that it creeped her out i was trying to make conversation.  After that I gave up.
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