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this is far away but what do you think!?

My husband came home from the IL's the other night (he went to borrow a Wii remote since we have company) and announces to me that they would like to go on a cruise...like the whole family will come... sometime next year.

My thoughts... I went on a short cruise last year and really didn't "love it" like some people do...so to go on a full week or so cruise with people i simply "get along with" isn't appealing.  I asked if this suggestion of theirs came with, "and since its our idea we will help with some expenses" (not that that is what you SHOULD expect, but with an idea like that....and wanting everyone to go..you would think maybe?!) well of course the answer was no, they just want everyone to go. 

I'm not sure how to approach this...

on one hand this is far from an immediate thing so, who knows where we will be at in our lives in a year!? and maybe we cannot go anyway due to jobs, finances, what have you. 

Also, I'm sure, like everything else, DH will want to go without hesitation...I think he already suggested to his parents that he look up cruises and stuff. yikes!

Thirdly, my IL's live possibly as little as 10 miles away from us, we see them whenever we want, and often. My parents/family live 10 and 14 hours away, rarely do I see them. I'm going to be very selfish with this and say that to go on this cruise, I will have to take vacation time for it, which I would always prefer to be used for a vacation to either see MY family or to go away with just my husband. I know that is terrible, but it's how I feel at the moment!

I do believe that even though my negativity is projecting, that if we end up going on the trip it could still be nice and I'm sure we would still have fun. But right now I'm clouded with pessimism. 

thanks ladies! advice, thoughts!? am i being irrational!? 

Re: this is far away but what do you think!?

  • I don't understand why you can't just tell your husband that you aren't interested on going on a week-long cruise with his parents.
  • duplicate post.

    image
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  • image casmgn:
    I don't understand why you can't just tell your husband that you aren't interested on going on a week-long cruise with his parents.

    And then tell him while he's cruising with his family, you'll be spending some much anticipated time with yours.

    image
    Don't worry, I'm working on it.
    Get it on!
  • I think all your reasons for not wanting to go are fair and valid.

    Have you told DH how you feel?

    Is there any reason why he can't go on his own? 

    For what it's worth, hell would freeze over before I would go on another holiday with my in-laws. Played that game once, never again. 

    [IMG]http://i55.tinypic.com/213pzit.jpg[/IMG]
    Elizabeth 3yrs old Jane 1yr old
  • The sooner you deal w/ this, the better. Sounds like your DH likes the idea and wants to go. The longer you stay silent, the more upset he'll probably be when you do tell him. But you need to be open minded. Is this just one time? You living far from your family isn't reason to NEVER vacation w/ his.
    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

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    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • Why not tell all of this to your husband? 

    I would also think of things that might make the vacation more of a "go."  For example, what if the "family trip" were at a resort or city, possibly one where your parents could go, too?   Or if the cruise were for a long weekend? 

    I don't think it's unfair to say "I only have 3 weeks of vacation a year, and I don't want to spend a whole week with your parents, when we get to see them several times a month as it is.  I would much rather we spend our vacation doing something with just the two of us, and I would rather spend a week vacation with with you and me seeing my family."

  • I was going to suggest what SueBear did--could you suggest a shorter cruise? I only get 10 vacation days a year so I would feel the same as you, I would not want to spend half of that time doing something I don't really enjoy (cruising) with people I see all the time and might not want to vacation with.

    OTOH, cruises ARE a great vacation option for larger groups in that you can all do your own thing. Some of you can lounge by the pool and read all day while others can use the gym, rock climbing wall, go to the spa, etc. Then you meet up for dinner and drinks. 

    [IMG]http://i39.tinypic.com/rkd75g.jpg[/IMG][IMG]http://i41.tinypic.com/23r1e34.jpg[/IMG]
  • image Skadilynd:

    Also, I'm sure, like everything else, DH will want to go without hesitation...I think he already suggested to his parents that he look up cruises and stuff. yikes!

    This is what jumped out at me.  Based on this, it seems like you are already going, it's just a matter of working out the details.

    And that's an awful position to be put in.

    It means that you are Debbie Downer, strambling against a tide of inevitability saying "whoa, wait a minute ... what about costs, time, hey -is anybody listening to me?" All the while getting the message that you are the wet blanket to everyone else's dream vacation. Finally ending in 'So what's YOUR problem.  Why do you always have to be so negative?"

    Yeah, not a great position to be in.

    Here's this for a strategy .... what would it take to get you to yes, both of you?  Instead of feeling that this decision, the "yes" decision has already been made for you, why not approach your DH with something like:

    * "Yesterday, you mentioned a family vacation with your parents.  A cruise.  What do you think it would take to agree to go?  You know, as far as expenses and time off from work and vacation preferences and balancing our vacation time to spend time together and with my family?" 

    * "It seems like a lot to take on.  What do you think it would take to say yes?"

    In this way, you aren't assuming that this is a "go" and you are the Debbbie Downer.  You assume that this is a BIG decision with a lot of moving parts.  Even if that isn't naturally where your DH leaps when an idea like this pops up. It is a great place to start for discussion.

    And not mention discussing when you can go to such lengths and expense with a family vacation with YOUR parents. You know, the ones you don't get to see so much. After all, would they even be invited?

    Lots to discuss before DH says yes ... without hesitation

    My darling daughter just turned 4 years old.
  • hey! thank you all for your thoughts. I have already briefly told my husband my concerns or thoughts that I shared with you all.  As the last poster said...I do sort of feel like I'm in a position of debbie downer, mentioning, reminding him to be thinking about cost and time and everything....let alone not wanting to go. 

    Cruises CAN be nice, but like I said, they just aren't for me. I'd be willing to try one more time, and I do like one of the poster's ideas of seeing about shortening the trip rather than making it about a week. On a bright side my husband mentioned if we were the ones who planned it, then we would also let our friends know in advance so they could go, which i translated as, at least you wouldn't have to constantly hang out with my family! haha so he is trying, but he does want to go...I can tell. Like I said, who knows what will happen....but I will keep you all posted!

  • I was on my BB earlier so I didn't elaborate.

    Is this a "one time" thing?  As in, they arent' going to expect you all to start vacationing w/ them every year?  This is kind of what I was trying to get at before. 

    Luckily my DH has no more desire to vacation w/ his parents than I do, but I know if we did - it would be a RARE thing.  While they would lvoe to vacation w/ us every year, there is no way that is happening.

    If this were a special trip they want to take and it really will be a rare thing, I'd be more likely to suck it up and go.  But if it were the start of what they would expect to be a regular thing, i'd be having a longer talk w/ my DH about it! 

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • image EastCoastBride:

    I was on my BB earlier so I didn't elaborate.

    Is this a "one time" thing?  As in, they arent' going to expect you all to start vacationing w/ them every year?  This is kind of what I was trying to get at before. 

    Luckily my DH has no more desire to vacation w/ his parents than I do, but I know if we did - it would be a RARE thing.  While they would lvoe to vacation w/ us every year, there is no way that is happening.

    If this were a special trip they want to take and it really will be a rare thing, I'd be more likely to suck it up and go.  But if it were the start of what they would expect to be a regular thing, i'd be having a longer talk w/ my DH about it! 

    This is a good point and to be honest, I'm not sure what their intentions are (besides a nice family get together).  At this point it seems like it is only a once in every few years kinda deal....but I do have sneaking suspicions that it could possibly turn into a something more than that because that is the type of people they are....they love get togethers.  another reason i would be inclined to believe the latter, is that FINALLY all their kids are out of their house and pretty much on their own or married....which means no one kid is living with them, making them feel for the first time,  like empty nesters, which could get ugly with increased family time! haha (for example, they had two of 4 children still in their house not that long ago....and yet still...my husband would receive the infamous call about every 3-4 months asking why we don't come over...how come they never see us...yet they saw us plenty!?!) who knows what will happen, but an excellent point that I will consider ECB :)  

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