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Is this a normal guy?

Can somebody tell me if this is normal? I am 21 and my FI is 24 (turning 25 this sept) .. We are both in college.. have been together almost 2 years. We have a very good sex life... but he ALWAYS talks about wanting a threesome. I mean would I mind it? I don't think so.. if it were with the right person... But I mean does anybody elses SO ever talk about wanting a threesome? How would you feel?

Re: Is this a normal guy?

  • Some guys fantasize about it, some don't.. I have been with older men (40's) who talked about it all the time  - midlife crisis much?  Other guys in their mid 20's with no interest at all.

     So it really comes down to him either looking to do some sexual experimentation and exploration.. or he is wanting to step out.

     If you're into the idea, i'm not sure it's a big deal if it is normal or not. What is normal anyways?

    Only advice I have is don't do it with anyone you know. At all. Just creates a bad situation in the future. And enjoy it. If you are even a little hesitant, explain that to him and don't go through with it until you are 100% on board.

    ;)

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  • I think the more important question is how YOU feel about it.  If it makes you uncomfortable and yet he badgers you about it incessantly, something is amiss.

    Does my DH talk about threesomes?  No.  Then again, he knows it's off limits for me.  We're both pretty adamant that our relationship would not survive it.  But does he fantasize about it?  Probably.  There is a difference between fantasizing and doing.  What, exactly, is your BF trying to evoke out of you? 

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  • Like other posters have mentioned, how do you feel about this? If you have said no and he keeps badgering you about it I would say this is a problem. I'm sure most men fantasize about threesomes. DH knows to not even bring up that discussion. He has had one in the past so I hope he enjoyed it because it's not going down over here! 
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  • image RasberryBrainstorm:

    I think the more important question is how YOU feel about it.  If it makes you uncomfortable and yet he badgers you about it incessantly, something is amiss.

    ITA.

    MH had talked/joked about having a threesome.  I would NOT have one with him because I can't stand the thought of another woman touching him.  He may still joke about it occasionally, but he definitely doesn't try to pressure or talk me into it.

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  • How to say this...

    I think everyone fantasizes.  And I don't even necessarily mean about sex.  About a lot of stuff.  We all have fantasies about "whatever".  I'm sure most of us have voiced those fantasies in some way or another - but did it knowing it's a fantasy. 

    On that front, I'm sure many people have voiced sexual fantasies in that same way.  "oh, it would be cool to do ____" but know it probably won't happen.

    From this perspective, eh, whatever.  If you know it's done in that way, it's not a big deal to me.

    But from the way you describe it- it sounds like your FI isn't really joking, isn't really "fantasizing".  It sounds like he WANTS this and he's going to push and push and push for it. 

    Is THIS "normal" guy behavior?  No.  It's not.  Respecting you and what you are comfortable with plays a role in this too.  If you've said "no, this isn't something I am interested in" and he won't drop it, then I don't think he's all that great of a guy.

    However, you say you don't know if you'd mind it.  From that perspective, you need to figure out if you're up for it or not.  But honestly - I dont' think it takes just the right 3rd person, I think it takes the right couple and the right relationship.  And I don't think that many people are genuinely in relationships that could really handle something like that. 

    To add- I'm going to be totally stereotypical here, but a 24 year old guy who's engaged and "always"talking about this ....  eh, I personally question his maturity and his readiness to get married, or even really ready to be in a committed relationship.  I'd say that I think this (having a 3-some) is something he should have done before you, w/ 2 people who don't mean much to him. 

     

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
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  • It depends on how you feel about it.  DH only brings up the topic jokingly, though.
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  • THe question is not "Is this a normal guy?"  The question is do you want a lifetime with a guy like this? 

    How would I feel?  I would feel disgusted and feel that our sex life is not adequate for him and I could not remain in a situation like that.

     

     

  • This is not a "is this normal?" issue. This is a "My fi wants a threesome and I don't; and he keeps pressuring me to have one' issue.

    Ask the right question. And ask yourself if you can live with a man who wants to bang another woman in front of you and have you applaud while he does it. If you can, yahoo. If you can't, time to run.

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  • I think he's horny and pretentious -- if he's always talking about it and it annoys you, find another boyfriend.

    It's a common male fantasy. But if every other topic is the threesome, consider saying goodbye to him.

  • I'd say "Sure, honey, but first I want you and me to both f** my hot ex BF. I've been having fantasies about you and him kissing."

    My guess is you won't hear from him again.

  • My XH talked about this ALL.THE.TIME. Even after I told him that there was no way I was doing it. I guess he figured he would eventually wear me down if he kept talking about it. He even went so far as to put ads in the local swingers classifieds.

    If your FI won't take no for an answer, I'd seriously consider postponing the wedding. It's not only about the sex, it's more about him respecting your wishes about something that can destroy your relationship.

    At one point I thought XH had let the idea of a 3-way go, because he didn't really bring it up any more. Turns out he was just doing his own "auditioning" for the 3rd member on the side. One of the big reasons he the X.

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  • Mrs.H.Mrs.H. member
    Ancient Membership 2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker

    I think all men fantasize  about it.

    My DH mentions it but knows it is never gonna be a reality so it is more of a joke now.  I sometimes say , okay, what guy are we gonna pick to do it with us? He always shuts up then!

     

  • I think your biggest issue is you like attention: you post on Relationships about threesomes & open marriages, you post on Pets about declawing a cat and you ask about diet pills on Health & Fitness. 
  • image BunMom90:
    I think your biggest issue is you like attention: you post on Relationships about threesomes & open marriages, you post on Pets about declawing a cat and you ask about diet pills on Health & Fitness. 

    LOL! Busted. 

    I was going to post my thoughts, but after this I don't find it necessary.

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  • BunMom- she also posted, maybe on F&B, that her FI should pay for her boob job because he makes good money and he will get to 'enjoy' them. 

    Then there was a post about starting her own business, though she had no actual ideas for said business and was hoping someone else could tell her what she could do to make great money working for herself, LOLZ

  • Thanks, MrsMammay -- I missed those. I felt really badly for the folks on Pets because they got reallly upset (understandably) about the post. Reported as a Troll.

  • image Sue_sue:

    This is not a "is this normal?" issue. This is a "My fi wants a threesome and I don't; and he keeps pressuring me to have one' issue.

    Ask the right question. And ask yourself if you can live with a man who wants to bang another woman in front of you and have you applaud while he does it. If you can, yahoo. If you can't, time to run.

    I totally agree

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  • Offended.  Insecure.  Belittled.  Suspicious.  Not good enough.

    That's how I would feel. 

  • Im the one that brings up a 3some. He doesnt and doesnt want to do it. I think its perfectly fine to have fantasies both dirty and normal.
  • No, I don't. It's one thing to fantasize, but he's pushing for it. You should have told him pointblank the answer was no and he should have left it alone.
  • I'd dump a guy like this in a heartbeat.  If you want a monogomous marriage, this isn't the guy for the job.  He also sounds like the type who will cheat one day...  or who will expect an "open marriage" meaning you can both bang other people if you want.

    Good luck.

  • Eh.  What's normal?  If it's not normal to you and you think he's serious, I would not stay in a relationship with him.  It's not my cup of tea, but situations like that require that ALL parties are 100% on board.  IMO
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