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Sister's boyfriend is financial irresponsible!!!

My sister has been dating this guy for quite a while. She has recently been talking about marriage a lot and he appears to want the same, but not pushing for it. She is very hard working and is trying to save all her money for a down payment on a house or for a wedding. He works a full time minimal wage job, as his college degree is in "fine art". Unfortunately, he never actually does any art, or tries to bring in any extra cash. Last week he decided he wanted to rent the apartment above them so he could use it as "an art studio". This will add $420 dollars to there rent bringing there rent to $950 a month. My sister is totally upset by this since she will have no extra money to save. Plus she is anxious now all the time that there bills will start to be delinquent. He doesn't seem to care about her worries and is going ahead with this regardless of what she says. I really don't know what to tell her. She complains all the time that he is a child and just doesn't think clearly. What should I tell her to do??

Re: Sister's boyfriend is financial irresponsible!!!

  • If this isn't MUD, then tell her to DTMFA
    Natural m/c @ 6 weeks - 3/1/2013 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • You can tell her to leave him and find a grown up man who won't mooch off her, but if she hasn't figured that out on her own, she probably won't listen.
  • I am guessing this is MUD since no one has responded but your sister is a grown woman, butt out! Her problem, she knows he is irresponsible, if she wants to deal with that that's on her.
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  • voice your opinions but thats you can do. If it was me i voice it quietly and then stay out of it..Has she even asked you advice or are just being overly sisterly??? How would you feel it she got overly involved in your life? Im not trying to say that you don't have a reason to worry but shes an adult and she sounds really smart she will figure it out. :) Just be there for her as shoulder to lean on and not "mom" telling her what to do. :)?
  • Is he getting the studio space so that he can make art and bring in more money? Is there any financial benefits to him renting out the space? 
  • What is MUD? Is there a glossary of posting abbreviations? I get most of them but not all. I but out most of the time, but she is miserable and asking for advice. She is one of those people that need a consensus to make any changes. What i mean is she needs proof, and being sisters its hard for her to take what i say seriously!
  • MUD= Made Up Drama

    She needs to dump this guy.  She's never going to get ahead financially if she stays with him.  Has he actually proposed?

  • MUD = Made Up Drama

    If your sister is asking for your advice you need to tell her that this boy is mooching off of her and she needs to get rid of him. He is not motivated right now and that will not change with marriage or a baby, which is the direction your sister is headed here. 

    Further, she SHOULD NOT sign the lease for the studio space. If he wants it, he can sign for it and put the deposit down for it and pay for it. You sister does not need to be involved. 

    Please please tell me they have not combined finances yet!?!?! 

    Once you tell her all of this, and she doesn't listen (which I think she probably won't), you have done all you can do, and you stay out of the rest of it. 

    GL.

  • Thanks for letting me know! i really appreciate it. That's kinda funny, MUD. If I was gonna make up a story i think it would be a lot more interesting, LOL. He hasn't actually proposed, but told her he wants to marry her and they have looked at rings.
  • Your sister is an adult; MYOB.
    Hope is not a strategy.
  • Thanks MKESweetie!! That's exactly what I have been saying. I plan on showing her these posts. We are very close and know she wont react too terribly. She needs to know the situation is absurd. Thanks for all the post. Appreciated by all. 
  • The boyfriend doesn't want to get married.  He is using the studio as an excuse to eat up the extra money so they will never have enough saved up.  It will also give him a place to live once she gets fed up with him. 

  • I've been in the bay area for too long.  My first thought was "$420 a month for rent! Take it, Take It, TAKE IT!"

    But I digress.  Obviously you know that you can't make your sister dump the guy.  I know that's really frustrating.  I think the best thing you can do is ask her open ended questions when she complains to you.  So, she's upset about the added expense of rent - ask her questions like, "Have you guys set a budget?  How do you feel when he blows it?" or "Did he talk to you about renting the apartment first?  How do you feel when he makes a major fiscal decision without you?  Do you think he'd continue to do this when you're married?" 

    At least this will get her thinking.  Either she will realize that he's not the man she thinks he is, or she will realize she loves him despite him being a screw up (and therefore shouldn't complain about it).   

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Both my DH and I have fine art degrees, but decided to put art on the backburner because we wanted to establish ourself financially first and $ from art is usually something that is built up over time.  (not something I planned in college, but when I met my now-DH right after I graduated, my priorities shifted)

    DH and I both started off temping and led to other more secured jobs the past four years.  We just bought a house in the spring, and we now have room to do our art and also raise a family one day. 

    We're artists who want to start a family and enjoy other things in life too.

    I'm sharing this because there are rational ways to accomplish goals.  Your sister should ask him to at least get a job that covers his apartment rent because $ from art is not a guaranteed income monthly.  He needs to pull his weight *right now*.  (In his head he's thinking he'll eventually make money from the art, but what about *right now*?)  If your sister sees herself buying a house down the road, does he?  Maybe he is more interested in art than establishing a life with his possible future wife.  He needs to prioritize.  (Not give up art for good, but to help build a foundation for BOTH his future family/house AND for art.  It sounds like his only priority is art right now and he's letting his girlfriend figure out the rest.)

    Good luck.

  • Not to Marry Him
  • I concur with the DTMFA.
  • if your sister allows him to make choices about what to do with her money then let her sleep in the bed she makes.

    short of kidnapping her and locking her away-you can't do anything. she's aware of the situation.

    honestly i'd have to say stay out of it. it's their relationship and they can do with her money whatever she allows.

    Friday, December 28 2012. The day I had emergency appendix surgery in Mexico and quit smoking. Proof that everything has a good side!! DH and I are happily child-free!! No due date or toddler tickers here!! my read shelf:
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