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what do you think?

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Re: what do you think?

  • GBCKGBCK member
    Ancient Membership Combo Breaker
    image Moi9296:

    BunMom... you really enlightened me.. you're right, we never said porn was not allowed it was just something that was understood between us (whatever that means)..

    when i told him how disrespected i felt, i did tell him that him seeing any type of porn was a deal breaker that i would leave him... he said he understood me loud and clear...

    i will take your advise to heart and move forward and enjoy him...

    but i still dont think it's ok... :-) lol...

    THe thing is...it obviously was either 1) NOT UNDERSTOOD, or it wouldn't be happening OR 2)He knows it's understood/problematic and he is prioritizing looking at porn over your 'understanding' which is prioritizing it over you.   (and possibly option 3--he has always thought porn was OK and was submitting to your 'rule' and has chafed under it for years--which is it's own set of issues)

    I think some soul searching to determine if it's option 1 or 2 is important and greatly affects WHAT the problem is.

  • MH works at a body shop and you should see what these guys send him!  His co-workers, father, brother and friends all send MH stupid little forwards like that, I couldn't care less. I'll give an example of one that he showed me just last night..theres a picture of woman as if someone was lying on the floor taking a picture..so its up her skirt and of course she has no panties on..and the line says.."when life gets you down-always remember to look up"..haha soo funny (insert saracasm).  The only thing that annoyed me was that he was ALWAYS forwarding them to me! I asked him to stop b/c they're obnoxious and unless they're really good, I don't need 'em.

    BUTTTT-its about what you are comfortable with and if you and YH haven't had that talk OR if he is disregarding how you talk, its time to sit him down and revisit the issue.

    Also-may I ask why no porn in th house? religious issues, just not comfortable with it?!

  • I'm a little bit confused. Is it the typical cell porno that guys will send to each other (which is annoying but honestly its just pictures) or is it a specific couple of women sending him nude photos of themselves? If it were the same women over & over I would be more concerned. 

    I think that since you have voiced your discomfort with those type of pix being on his phone that he could at least respect your wishes & delete them. I find the fact that he is knowingly disregarding your requests about the photos more disturbing than the photos themselves. 

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  • image Moi9296:
    ...After i caught him looking at porn, we did sit down and i told him that it was unacceptable hehavior that i felt disrespected and we agreed that him visiting such site was a deal breaker...

    This is a fact of life: Every man will look at porn. It is part of a healthy sexual life. Most men see sex as the full 12-course meal. Sometimes they just want a snack so they'll masturbate to porn. It is completely normal and healthy to do this. I am betting that he has not admitted to utilizing adult materials by himself to you. He may like the added thrill of it being off limits in your world so it turns him on to use it on the sly. The thrill of getting caught etc. 

    There is another issue with regards to how you feel about porn. He doesn't sound like he is neglecting his family. Is he meeting your sexual needs? Your husband doesn't sound like he is a sex addict or porn addict or anything. It sounds like he just likes to wank off to the occasional naked lady. You don't like it so ask him to keep it to himself. He needs to be considerate of your wishes.

    Rather than "No-No"-ing him about it (that made me cringe because it makes you sound like his mother) just let him know that you don't care for it & you don't want to see it. I don't think expressing your disgust or discomfort with porn is going to make him go cold turkey. It is part of his private sexual life with himself. I don't think it is necessarily fair to make him give it up all together if it gives him pleasure. Get yourself a dildo, vibrator & some dirty magazines. Get busy with yourself occasionally and you'll see what I mean. What is good for the Gander is good for the Goose. 

    The nake photo thing on the phone needs to be taken care of or he needs to change the lock on the phone. If you don't want to see it don't go looking for it. If you are confident that he is not cheating on you, your STD tests come back clean, & he's not smelling funky then you have no business snooping on his phone. 

    Either let him have his private wank-fests (porn) and stay out of it.
    OR
    Watch porn with him and get into it. Integrate it into your sex life. It may not be as bad as you think.

    Can't fight the Naked Ladies. Its a losing battle!

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