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For girls who don't like their in-laws

Re: For girls who don't like their in-laws

  • I'm speechless!  All I can do is laugh.  Your inlaws sound like total nuts.  They are peeping toms?!   If I were in your shoes, I'd be thankful she doesn't care for me and want to be my BFF.  Can you imagine getting phone calls from her every day, and having to spend an afternoon shopping with her? 
    Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
  • Why would girls have in-laws? Did you mean ladies or women?  Maybe if you viewed yourself as an adult, you would be able to detach from your toxic inlaws a little easier.
  • image ashleypastori:
    I'm speechless!  All I can do is laugh.  Your inlaws sound like total nuts.  They are peeping toms?!   If I were in your shoes, I'd be thankful she doesn't care for me and want to be my BFF.  Can you imagine getting phone calls from her every day, and having to spend an afternoon shopping with her? 

    lolllll....I forgot that being a peeping tom is illegal.

  • This post could have been mine five years ago, and I'm telling you...I get along great with her now.  I disowned her for about a month, and then we had a Dr. Phil like sit-down: DH, her, and I.  I laid it all out on the table.  But I had to get DH on the same page with me.  MIL is like a completely different person now.  We told her that # 1 her being passive-agressive was the biggest issue, smiling while saying something hurtful or overly critical.  What a mess.  Getting DH to see his mom's true colors (how differently she treated me vs him) was the hardest challenge.

    I feel bad I have to run but will try to come back to this topic later.  MIL issues are not fun.  But getting to the point of geniunely getting along with my MIL makes a world of difference.  I'm not having to wonder what trick she'll try to pull next and I don't have to just tolerate her.  I'm just trying to say that it can get better, and it's a battle, but the battle is worth it...  It'll just get more difficult later when/if you have kids and you don't want that.  I'm sorry you're going through this!

    gotta run~

  • I'm polite when I see them and stay out of their drama. I also don't complain about them to my DH unless I need him to help me out or back me up.

    I do think you need to step back a bit. From what you posted your in-laws sound a bit nutty and obnoxious but you really don't have it that bad. If fact, if I'm being totally honest...it comes across as if you just plain don't like them so you are looking for things to be annoyed about.

  • image Mrs.Elsie:

    I do think you need to step back a bit. From what you posted your in-laws sound a bit nutty and obnoxious but you really don't have it that bad. If fact, if I'm being totally honest...it comes across as if you just plain don't like them so you are looking for things to be annoyed about.

    I agree. They don't sound like people you would choose to spend time with, but nothing you listed is worthy of the venom you feel toward these people.
  • Your MIL is insecure. That's why she obsesses over those things and telling those stories, to make herself feel better. You don't have to see them often, she doesn't seem to really interfere in your life, so I don't see such the issue.  I get your point, I do. My MIL has a very different outlook on life than I do. My H & I will talk (privately) about this and sometimes laugh about these things. But I don't let them bother me. She wants to tell stories about her "charity work" to make herself feel better (and she only does this work so she can AW herself later), then I nod and smile during the talk. If I'm feeling generous, I will ask her about.  But really, hearing the same story at every visit isn't the end of the world. 

    She raised a fine son, right?   And my H loves his parents and my ILs are good grandparent's to my kids. That is what I focus on.   I'm sure your parents are "weird" to your husband too.

  • image SpringGal5:

     My husband thinks mommy is soo sweet sent from heaven above, but I am usually dead on with people and from the minute I met her I sensed she was a total phony and not to trust her.

    Sounds like you're husband is the problem.

  • image Mrs.Elsie:

    I'm polite when I see them and stay out of their drama. I also don't complain about them to my DH unless I need him to help me out or back me up.

    I do think you need to step back a bit. From what you posted your in-laws sound a bit nutty and obnoxious but you really don't have it that bad. If fact, if I'm being totally honest...it comes across as if you just plain don't like them so you are looking for things to be annoyed about.

    You know what...you may be right. I guess it comes down to personality and life differences. It's life though, you are not going to like everyone you meet. Perhaps, I feel a little jipped, like darn it, why couldn't I get great in-laws who I clicked with right away? And of course you have to be nice to people in these situations, even when you may not like them. She is also "the victim" who was "terriorized" by her own mother in law to where she had my husband pretty much brain washed as a child against his grandmother. Odd right, since she's such a nice person. Before we got together, I would overhear on the phone making jokes and fun of her 88 year old mother in law who was in the next room, but to her face, calling her mom and hugging her..it's really funny to watch. Apparently, according to my husband, his mom likes her now too, odd since she still bashes her behind her back, but with a cute smile always plasted on her face to her. Again, I wasn't there when this happened, but makes you think..

  • I find it interesting that you are now bashing your MIL for talking badly about her own MIL but then being kind to her face, when that is exactly what you are doing. Guess you are more alike than you would care to admit.

  • image casmgn:

    I find it interesting that you are now bashing your MIL for talking badly about her own MIL but then being kind to her face, when that is exactly what you are doing. Guess you are more alike than you would care to admit.

    This is probably exactly why she doesn't like her!

  • I'm venting. I guess tha'ts unwelcomed on here lol. And bashing? Really? I'm posting facts about the woman and what she has done, not made up stories or catty remarks.  And sorry but I'm not like her. But then again, you are basing your sole judement off of a snidge of the story, If you think I am, that's your opinion.  I wouldn't turn my child against their grandmother, or better yet talk about the womam while she is in the next room. I could easily do that when I am in her presence, but I don't. Nor would I go in with overkill and act like I love someone like she does to her MIL. Do I do that to her? No, I'm respectful, will make chitchat, I mean I have to, but that's where it ends. I'm not gonna call her mom or hug and dote over her. And, I don't know, but since she's an in-law, I do have to be cordial to her when I see her. No? Should I just ignore her? And I'm sure most of you have vented before of the things you don't like about your in-laws. If you don't, you're lucky.
  • It helps if you put "venting" in the title if you are looking more to vent/commiserate than to seek advice and make changes. 

    People are going to give you their opinions, usually in a frank and unglossy manner. And they will comment on the aspect of your post that has the most significance to them.  That's the nice thing about the Nest -- you get many, varied points of view.  You choose to take or leave them as you see fit. Enjoy!

  • Yes, thank you. I do post on other message boards where the women do give advice instead of telling people what they are and aren't.
  • GBCKGBCK member
    Ancient Membership Combo Breaker

    image SpringGal5:
    Yes, thank you. I do post on other message boards where the women do give advice instead of telling people what they are and aren't.
    So they give useless advice that doesn't touch on the behavior of the person posting.  swell.
  • image GBCK:

    image SpringGal5:
    Yes, thank you. I do post on other message boards where the women do give advice instead of telling people what they are and aren't.
    So they give useless advice that doesn't touch on the behavior of the person posting.  swell.

    .

    No, they all have holier then thou attitudes, where their opinon, on the little info they have, is correct and the end all be all.  Yes, the advice I got on here...was..where? And was ohhh sooo was useful. Now that's swell  .I wish I had the time to post 6000 messages on here so you can know detail for detail the whole saga, but sorry I can't...

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