Sex & Romance
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Start-stop-start in the bedroom

I wanted to know if anyone's husband experiences premature ejaculation? I'm not even sure if that's what it's called. Maybe 3/5 times that we have sex, I don't have an orgasm because he has his first. It can be anywhere from a minute to two or three minutes into it. Sometimes, even after the first 10 seconds, he will say "Wait, stop.." and pull out and try to stop himself from going. Every time we have sex, it's always interrupted by "Wait, stop.. hold on.." and then we wait for a minute or two, try again for another minute or two, and then wait for another minute or two while he tries to keep himself from going. I find myself just trying to focus on having an orgasm as fast as possible whenever we have sex, feeling like I have to beat him to it. Whenever I don't have an orgasm, he always apologizes and feels really bad. I tell him it's ok and that it's not his fault and he can't help it, that we'll just try again later. We talk about it together, and still have sex as much as we want to - but it is a problem, and so far, we don't know what to do about it. 

He started researching some stuff on it online, and we found that premature ejaculation can lead to infertility. We haven't started having kids yet, and probably won't start trying for another 1-3 years, so I'm worried now that this might be a problem that may affect having kids in the future. 

Would really appreciate some ideas from others who have gone through his problem. Thanks!

Re: Start-stop-start in the bedroom

  • Is he inexperienced? That could be part of the problem.

     Has he tried the old fashioned "think about baseball"?

     You reported other problems 6 months ago -- has that been resolved?

    If you were sexually active before you were married, what was your sex life like then? Was it the same? or is what you have reported here a recent change?

     

  • Ha, yes he has tried thinking of baseball! Our sex life was basically the same before we got married, too. I guess I just thought it would go away or something, or it didn't really bother me at the time. Those are some good questions that you asked though, and it has given me some ideas - maybe having a romantic night with candles, etc. and kind of taking things slower in the beginning instead of rushing into things might help.

    Thanks for asking about my previous post - yes, things have gotten better. My husband is working less hours, and has also taken on more of the household chores and cleaning stuff. Now he is actually doing most of it, because I have been so busy with my school and internship and working this last semester. We both do equal amounts around the house now, and have just settled on having our place get messy during the week when we're both busy, and then taking a few hours out each weekend to clean together. So things with that are going good!

  • After he goes once, does he not want to do it again? It's great youa re both communicative about this issue. But I think him having more then just verbal concer over you not orgasming is a bit on an issue to. Sorry sometimes is not enough. He needs to put in some work and effort in pleasuring you, the right way, to satisfy your needs to. Not just his.

     I would look at discussing with him the idea of him coming first, as it seems that is how it has to happen, and then he can work on you. He might need a rest from penetration sure, but after 1-3 mins of sex, he shouldn't be out of breath and dying, so he can change it up and use his fingers or a toy if you'd like on you until he is ready for round two. Maybe he might need some help getting hard, and that's fine. Help him out. But remember that this is a mutually satisfying situation, and if it is not, then it needs to become one, or resentment will build.

     From what I read he sound like a nice guy that get excited and really enjoy it, so work on ways to prolong his pleasure, so you can get some too. Condoms help a lot ot de-sensitize and therefore have him last longer.

     

    [IMG]http://i52.tinypic.com/2vmsk8h.jpg[/IMG]
  • Ha, yes he has tried thinking of baseball! Our sex life was basically the same before we got married, too. I guess I just thought it would go away or something, or it didn't really bother me at the time.

    You committed the cardinal error: It'll go away in time.

    As you can see, never happens.

     I'll be blunt; when you were dating and you saw that sex with this guy wasn't the greatest, you should have moved on.

    Perhaps it's time for a trip to the urologist. There might be a physical issue at hand; if not, a psychological one and a sex therapist can work on this with him.

  • I dated a man with this issue once, but it corrected itself within a few months. Turns out he wasn't lasting long because he hadn't had much action before we met.

    What has your husband tried? Condoms? Masturbating before sex and more frequently in general? Like the pp asked, does he initiate round two? Does he last any longer the second time?

    image

    I wrote this! 
  • My advice would be for him to empty some of those bullets first. Don't take a fully-loaded gun into the bedroom. I don't know how often he's getting a release but that would be the first place to start. 

    Other than that, maybe he could get you to "almost" by other means before moving on to the feature presentation.  

  • imageNoNotTufts:

    My advice would be for him to empty some of those bullets first. Don't take a fully-loaded gun into the bedroom. I don't know how often he's getting a release but that would be the first place to start.

    I would try this. 

    Natural m/c @ 6 weeks - 3/1/2013 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • imageNoNotTufts:

    Other than that, maybe he could get you to "almost" by other means before moving on to the feature presentation.  

     This is what we do...husband takes care of me first.  This has lots of benefits: everything is nice and naturally lubed up, I'm definitely in the mood, and DH likes to see me happy while he takes his turn.  Then he can take as long or as short as wants, not worrying about me.

    image
  • imagetheaterchica83:
    imageNoNotTufts:

    Other than that, maybe he could get you to "almost" by other means before moving on to the feature presentation.  

     This is what we do...husband takes care of me first.  This has lots of benefits: everything is nice and naturally lubed up, I'm definitely in the mood, and DH likes to see me happy while he takes his turn.  Then he can take as long or as short as wants, not worrying about me.

     these. my DH does the same. he always gets me close or there with forplay and such, and it ends up being better for him bc of the natural lube and no time restraints.

  • This post sounds just like my sex life. You're not alone.  By the time I'm just starting to get somewhere, he's done and, like your H, he always says "hold on" and stops.  Sometimes I don't feel anything.  It makes both of us feel upset.  The only time I can feel anything during sex is when he gives me oral beforehand.
    image
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  • I'll be blunt; when you were dating and you saw that sex with this guy wasn't the greatest, you should have moved on.

     Really?? Are you serious? I guess for some people sex is all that matters, but not for me. Yes, it's great, but I wouldn't break up with anyone because of it. Maybe i'm naiive. Who knows.

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  • imageronni827:

    I'll be blunt; when you were dating and you saw that sex with this guy wasn't the greatest, you should have moved on.

     Really?? Are you serious? I guess for some people sex is all that matters, but not for me. Yes, it's great, but I wouldn't break up with anyone because of it. Maybe i'm naiive. Who knows.

    Let me rephrase: if sex was important to the OP, the OP should have rethought him when she found out the sex was lax.

  • My DH does the EXACT SAME THING. he reacts afterwards the same. Now, he is gung-ho on foreplay before, with me, so that way when we have sex, and believe me it NEVER lasts more than 2 mins (eek), I at least got off before sex. The key is foreplay for you before... and maybe again after to get him ready for round 2!
  •   Some men are very visual. If he's making love and admiring your lady parts. He may orgasm in one minute like a teenage boy looking at Penthouse.

      Have DH try looking at the top of your head or something if he's feeling over aroused.   

  • Here I will say one thing ? you asked ?I wanted to know if anyone's husband experiences premature ejaculation??  The answer is YES ? all men experience this or have this problem until they learn how to master ? control it.  It takes lots of practice on their part.  They can do it as time goes by it does get more controllable.  They really must practice on this ? just like you do kegals to control your tight fit for his penis.  Does that make since to you?  Its something they have to do themselves ? you can?t do it for them.  OK!

    You mentioned orgasm ? here I would like to see if I have this right ? you don?t get one 3 out of 5 times having sex just by him giving you vaginal intercourse with his penis only.  Is this correct?

    ~~Emily~~  Yes

    Life is what you make of it ?
  • raynesraynes member
    We just take care of me first, as others have mentioned.
    image
    We'll just not tell H about this little fact, m'kay?
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  • imagesmithleye:

    Here I will say one thing ? you asked ?I wanted to know if anyone's husband experiences premature ejaculation??  The answer is YES ? all men experience this or have this problem until they learn how to master ? control it.  It takes lots of practice on their part.  They can do it as time goes by it does get more controllable. 

    Sorry but my husband has never had an issue with this. And he was a virgin when I met him. Don't made broad statements without doing your research. 

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  • imagechris5olson:
    imagetheaterchica83:
    imageNoNotTufts:

    Other than that, maybe he could get you to "almost" by other means before moving on to the feature presentation.  

     This is what we do...husband takes care of me first.  This has lots of benefits: everything is nice and naturally lubed up, I'm definitely in the mood, and DH likes to see me happy while he takes his turn.  Then he can take as long or as short as wants, not worrying about me.

     these. my DH does the same. he always gets me close or there with forplay and such, and it ends up being better for him bc of the natural lube and no time restraints.

    Totally agree with this. DH does this for me most of the time and it keeps both of us happy this way!

    image
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