Sex & Romance
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Spice it up advice?

My wife and I have been together for about 6 years, married for one. We have sex 2 or 3 times a week and though it's good and we're both satisfied (ok, at least I think we're both satisfied..), it can get pretty boring. Same times, same moves, same positions, etc..  I know maintenance sex is part of any good relationship, however I'd like to spice things up a bit.

I have asked her to wear lingerie, which she has plenty of, and that's usually met with some comment about how she dislikes her body or a simple "I don't know." I love the way she looks when she puts on something sexy and I have told her this!

I'd like to try and do it other places, even outside of the house, but I feel odd saying "Let's meet in the big unisex bathroom at the mall to have sex..", etc..

I'll do anything she wants as long as I know what it is that she wants to do, however it seems like we're just in this rut of the same thing time and time agian. I'm up for anything to make it different and new. Advice?


Re: Spice it up advice?

  • have you talked to her about how you feel? she might not even notice its boring for you! why don't you plan a day when you both have off to go out for the nigh or two get a hotel and just have fun!!
  • A vacation always helps my DH and I.

    If that's not an option, just lay on the foreplay first. Foreplay gets me going and...... once I'm going, I am usually up for anything.

  • Thanks for the replies.. We do have a vacation coming up in a few months, however that's in a few months.

    I think with the foreplay issue, sure we can do that but again, it's always the same foreplay moves. More of the same is still the same. I'll do anything and I've said this in the past,

    I'll admit that my mind doesn't veer out of it's comfort zone for probably two good reasons. The first is that I know what works now, so it gets the job done. Second and probably more of a factor is that it's some kind of internal safety mechansim that tries to protect me from doing something dumb or getting rejected.


  • My bf and I have a fantasy box. This is something we're just starting. It's just one small box so we each have different colored slips of paper to write on. Then we draw from each others. It doesn't have to be just about sex though, but that's part of it. I have one in there where he's supposed to surprise me at work and take me to lunch (he lives 3 hours away so this would make my day). LOL I'll spare you the details of the others. Anyway, I came up with the box because I wanted him to tell me things he wanted to try but I think he was a little embarrassed or maybe he just didn't have any ideas at the time. But when he thinks of something he can just add it to the box. The rule is we have to complete the one we drew before we can go on to another. I plan to complete my first task this weekend. Hee, hee...:)
  • I actually really like the idea of the fantasy box! I may have to try that with my husband :]
  • We love this site.  We look together and pick a position, pretty funny animations so it's a fun night!

  • Just my two cents - try talking, interacting, and loving her in ways outside of sex and your sex life will probably grow stronger because of this. Romance her! Build up her confidence continually and genuinely. Tell her how great she looks. Tell her you love certain things about her. It maybe that she feels a little pressured or not very confident, or she may not even see any problem with your sex life, but if she feels and sees that you're genuinely concerned about her and trying to show your love for her (and not just concerned about sex, in her mind), this could really help.

    Also, just try talking about it. Sit down and have a talk about what she thinks about the whole thing and see if you can get on the same page.

  • If she's saying she doesn't feel good in lingerie, she really may not.  I have lots of it from when I got married, but i've put on about 5-10 pounds and am nowhere near as lean and sometimes feel badly about the way I look in it.  The key to making her feel hot is she has to think she is first. If she's not feeling like she's looking sexy, she's not going to think you will either.  Buy her some new stuff that shows off the assets she likes about the right size.  Maybe her current stuff is a little tight and pinches a part of her fat and she hates it, yet you might not ever notice. 

     Also, you may know what works, but still, something a little different is always nice  Try slowing it down, be a little more spontaneous, i.e. do something you wouldn't normally do, like come up behind her in the kitchen, watch a porn, tell her how hot she looks at times you wouldn't normally, heck, clean the house - make dinner- any chore she usually has to do that she dreads and she will appreciate you so much more. It's easy to get into a rut, My husband and I have been married a year but together for 7.   We always go through periods where it's hot and heavy, and then fizzles out due to work/stress/schedules, etc..  I think more than anything, when he shows genuine enthusiasm like he can't take his hand and eyes off of me like we just started dating is what gets me thoroughly excited and makes the moments that much better, regardless if we try new positions or whatever .  It just amps the intensity.  If you are looking for different positions or doing it outside of the home, take the reigns  and do it, don't wait for her, although I wouldn't be too excited about a public bathroom....

  • Thanks for the advice.

    I'll say that I do think I show her that I love her in other ways than just in the bedroom. I cook most of the time, we pretty much split the cleaning duties, sometimes I do more, sometimes she does. I bring her gifts for no reason, tell her how nice she looks, etc.. We go out for date night, however that usually ends with us both going to bed instead of "after date" activities...

    I've tried to talk about this before, but not in a "We need to talk" type of way, just more bringing it up here and there. We've got plenty of toys, books on different positions, etc.. We have our fun with our toys, however we've got some books on different positions, movies, etc.. and she's just not interested. I tell her how I love it when she wears lingerie, how I'd love to be surprised one night when I come home with her wearing it, however she just doesn't. She wears larger sizes, which doesn't bother me at all but it bothers her so I know where she's coming from.

    I'm just kind of at a loss. Maybe we're just old, boring, and married, lol.


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