Family Matters
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email [email protected]

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

f/u I know this probably isn't the hill I should die on..

So after the realization that I was probably a little over protective of the situation I let it be from there.. MIL didn't take them down, she's going to have to deal with the artist, not my problem.

Well yesterday MIL's sister messaged me asking why MIL shouldn't post the pictures (she felt I was purposely trying to "leave her in the dark" since she didn't go to the wedding), gave her the same blanket response and sent her a link to the album that were watermarked, along with a link to the pics my mom took.. trying to be nice.. my mistake. 

I come home from work this morning to find out MIL sent DH the "correspondence" between us and between her sister and I, but after I looked at it it was obvious she had edited everything I said to fit her agenda. DH was upset, and really I can't blame him. If he had talked to either of my parents or my other relatives the way she made it look I did to her, I'd be upset too.. the only problem is I DIDN'T WRITE THAT! 

Normally I'm completely on the bandwagon of, spouses backing eachother up 100%, but I'm also trying to look at this as if the tables were turned. It would be really hard for me to stomach the idea that my mother purposely rewrote an e-mail from DH just to start trouble.. so I can see how this is hard for him too.

Ugh, I'm really beginning to hate this woman! 

 

Re: f/u I know this probably isn't the hill I should die on..

  • I don't know the backstory. But did your H believe you when you told him she altered the e-mail?
  • We are working through that.. he doesn't see why I would say that if it were untrue, but he also has a hard time believing his mother would actually do it.

    And I might have to post and run in a few.. but I will be back on later! 

  • Show him the original e-mail you sent her. If he still doesn't believe you, you have a problem.

    He needs to get on your side ASAP.

  • So forward the original email you sent to your H and he can read the unfiltered version himself.

    I'm hoping you see this as a good reason why everyone said to not get invovled.

    Hope is not a strategy.
  • Do you have your copies in your Sent message box to show what you actually wrote?
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • image ZestofLime:

    I'm hoping you see this as a good reason why everyone said to not get invovled.

     Nothing else was said between MIL and I since before my initial post.. however I was between a rock and a hard place because I'm also be seen as a b!tch for not responding to her at all (I've tried that before) 

  • This sounds like the crazy crap I've been dealing with for months now...  once my H realized how crazy his mom was, things settled down.  I have just ended all communication with her except for short answers so that I don't look like the troublemaker.

    As everyone said, I would show H the original email sent.  If he doesn't believe you, then clearly he doesn't trust you and that's worse than a crazy MIL. 

    image Anniversary
  • I hope once your husband compares the original e-mail and the one you supposedly sent that he agrees never to trust his mother again.
  • image symphony4586:

    Well yesterday MIL's sister messaged me asking why MIL shouldn't post the pictures (she felt I was purposely trying to "leave her in the dark" since she didn't go to the wedding),

     

    And by the way, it sounds like the whole family is a bunch of drama llamas.  Automatically jumping to the conclusion that she's being personally singled out? Honest to freaking God - that's what she thought?  She didn't entertain any other possibility? 

    She needs help.

  • image symphony4586:
    image ZestofLime:

    I'm hoping you see this as a good reason why everyone said to not get invovled.

     Nothing else was said between MIL and I since before my initial post.. however I was between a rock and a hard place because I'm also be seen as a b!tch for not responding to her at all (I've tried that before) 

    Oops that was supposed to say I was between a rock and a hard place with her sister.  

      

  • image symphony4586:
    image ZestofLime:

    I'm hoping you see this as a good reason why everyone said to not get invovled.

     Nothing else was said between MIL and I since before my initial post.. however I was between a rock and a hard place because I'm also be seen as a b!tch for not responding to her at all (I've tried that before) 

    I get that; I wasn't assuming otherwise.

    But it only took one email for this to spiral out of control.

    Sure, she is going to think the worst of you whether you respond or not. Not responding doesn't give her any more ammo and it allows you to not focus on drama.

    See the advantage yet?

    Hope is not a strategy.
  • image Karen2905:
    image symphony4586:

    Well yesterday MIL's sister messaged me asking why MIL shouldn't post the pictures (she felt I was purposely trying to "leave her in the dark" since she didn't go to the wedding),

     

    And by the way, it sounds like the whole family is a bunch of drama llamas.  Automatically jumping to the conclusion that she's being personally singled out? Honest to freaking God - that's what she thought?  She didn't entertain any other possibility? 

    She needs help.

    I'm completely with you on all of that! 

  • image Karen2905:
    image symphony4586:

    Well yesterday MIL's sister messaged me asking why MIL shouldn't post the pictures (she felt I was purposely trying to "leave her in the dark" since she didn't go to the wedding),

     

    And by the way, it sounds like the whole family is a bunch of drama llamas.  Automatically jumping to the conclusion that she's being personally singled out? Honest to freaking God - that's what she thought?  She didn't entertain any other possibility? 

    She needs help.

    I'm completely with you on all of that! 

  • Here's another way to look at it:

    The only way to win is to not to play.

    Hope is not a strategy.
  • You didn't say - do you still have the original email you sent in your sent box?

  • People like that blow my mind. Never would it even cross my mind to re-write an email.
    Vacation
  • image aug6_05bride:

    You didn't say - do you still have the original email you sent in your sent box?

    Really, really want an answer to this.  I don't know of any email account that doesn't automatically save your emails, and this seems to be the easiest way to handle this debacle.

  • image arlhello:
    image aug6_05bride:

    You didn't say - do you still have the original email you sent in your sent box?

    Really, really want an answer to this.  I don't know of any email account that doesn't automatically save your emails, and this seems to be the easiest way to handle this debacle.

    I agree. I'm also curious as to what your MIL changed the e-mail to read.
  • image ZestofLime:

    Here's another way to look at it:

    The only way to win is to not to play.

    How about a nice game of chess?

    fiizzlee = vag ** fiizzle = peen ** Babies shouldn't be born wit thangs ** **They're called first luddz fo' a reason -- mo' is supposed ta come after. Yo Ass don't git a medal fo' marryin yo' prom date. Unless yo ass is imoan. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Then yo ass git a all-expenses paid cruise ta tha Mediterranean n' yo ass git ta hook up Jared Padalecki on tha flight over while bustin yo' jammies. But still no medal.
  • Doesn't dealing with drama queens feel like a global (thermo)nuclear war sometimes?
    Hope is not a strategy.
  • I don't see the problem here if you have the orginal email that you sent to her? This will be great to prove to your H and call her out on her drama. That is unless she didn't edit it at all you may have just been short with her?

     

    I still think your cousin needed to loosen up a bit, especially since you're family. Why can't she put a small logo on your pictures or her URL on the bottom? No one is going to want to print it with a logo or url on it...but people can still post them and actually see the pic.

    BabyFetus Ticker
  • Did you pull the email from your sent file to show him?  I would show him on the computer screen right from the inbox itself, instead of forwarding it and being accused yourself of editing after the fact.
  • Sue_sueSue_sue member
    5 Love Its

    You must be my SIL. This sounds like something my mil would do.

    I'm so sorry you are in this spot. My advice is, make sure you and dh are on the same page; and make sure HE confronts her about this and tells her to knock it off. His mom; her battiness; he stands with you.

    You and he are not going to change her. He should not be minimizing her lunacy, and you should not be out there alone with her throwing potshots. As long as you two are ok with things, her craziness cannot affect you.

     

    SO SINGS MY SOUL *WHAM!* MY SAVIOR GOD TO THEE *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!* HOW GREAT THOU ART *WHAM!*
  • image symphony4586:
    image ZestofLime:

    I'm hoping you see this as a good reason why everyone said to not get invovled.

     Nothing else was said between MIL and I since before my initial post.. however I was between a rock and a hard place because I'm also be seen as a b!tch for not responding to her at all (I've tried that before) 

    Well, she's made email chats between the two of you impossible now.  After the hatchet job she did on your correspondence, she can fully expect you to never respond again.

    At least something good came out of this!

    (When the dust settles, if she tries again, you should simply forward it to DH with a cc to MIL, and a gentle note like - "Your mom had a few questions, please help her out."  She'll get it eventually.  

    My darling daughter just turned 4 years old.
  • SueBearSueBear member
    Ancient Membership 2500 Comments Combo Breaker

    I would get a little angry at your DH.  This is his wacko family.  I'm sure this isn't the first time they have acted bat sh!t crazy.  I'd be uber-angry that he refused to believe his lying mom.  Do you think she never made stuff up before?

    Tell your DH that from now on he is responsible for all communication with his family.  Even if an email is directed to you.  That a "no response" from you is his job to answer.  Forward all emails from MIL/aunt-in-law / anybody else in his family to him and tell him to take care of it.  Ditto for phone messages.  Save them and tell him it's his job to answer them.

    Then when MIL complains, tell her "oh, I forwarded your Email to DH.  He was supposed to get back to you."  Tell her that every single time.

    Once it is in your DH's hands, suddenly he'll realize how messed up his family is.  As long as YOU take care of communication with his family FOR him, things will continue to be YOUR fault. 

  • Completely agree with SueBear and that's what I would do from now on. They have proven they aren't trustworthy.

    Wow. What a mess. 

    Hopefully, your original sent message proves the truth to your husband.

    And if this were happening to me, I would remind my husband that I've got a whole lot more to deal with in my day, than to sit around and instigate fights with my MIL. A polite and civil relationship with your mother would be a lot easier. What would motivate me to pick a fight with your mother?

    That's my perspective anyway.

  • The advice to forward emails to your DH and have him respond is good advice.  Or continue to respond but blind cc your husband so he has the original copy of all that you say to your MIL so she cant twist it in the future.
  •  Thanks ladies, he did see the original messages and we talked about it.. it's still hard for him to grasp her doing something like this, which I do understand to a degree. I really don't believe this is the first time she has tried something like this, it's just probably the first time there was someone around who was willing to prove her wrong.

    image Mycrimsonheart:

    I Why can't she put a small logo on your pictures or her URL on the bottom? No one is going to want to print it with a logo or url on it...but people can still post them and actually see the pic.

    Mycrimsonheart, there is an album of about 35 pics already posted with the watermark on them, and I offered to MIL that if there were a couple additional photos she really wanted online I would ask to have them watermarked as well... but apparently that wasn't good enough for her. 

  • sprky79sprky79 member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments Name Dropper
    So, does he believe you or not?  This is kind of the crux of the issue...
    Seriously, people. If your faith in humanity is destroyed because your parents told you there was a Santa Claus and as it turns out there is no Santa Claus, you are an ignorant, hypersensitive cry baby with absolutely zero perspective. - UnderwaterRhymes
  • Your MIL plays the victim pretty well....if it doesn't sound bad enough, she just alters it and then tries to see if your H will take the bait.  Unless your H deals with this now and tells him mom how its going to be, you're going to deal with this for the rest of your life.  Time for H to nip it right now...will he?
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards