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Starting to hit...

This post is about my nephew (almost 17 months old). I'm asking on my sister's behalf.

He has begun to hit people who tell him he can't do something.  It isn't out of control, but definitely something that needs to stop before it gets crazy.  He understands most of what we say, but not everything.  The more my sister tells him not to hit, the more he does it.  If you ignore it, he does it even harder to get your attention.  My sister feels like she can't win because he does not fully understand her directives yet.  We have no idea where he learned it from.  He does not go to daycare yet and nobody has hit him ever. How do you stop a 17 month old from this behavior?

Any suggestions or advice?

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TTC since Sept '10

IVF #1: Sept '11 (7R, 0F, Transfer cancelled)

IVF #2: Nov '11 (8R, 3F, 3 8-cell embryos transfered)...BFN

IVF #3: Jan '12 ER: 2/2 - 10R,3F ET: 2/5 - 3 8-cell embryos...BFP!!

Betas: 2/14 - 25, 2/16 - 79, 2/20 - 116, 2/22 - 63 C/P



5/25/12 - DH has varicocele surgery

IUI #1 - Dec '12 (42 mil and 10 mil)...BFN.

IUI #2.0 - Cancelled due to cyst.

IUI #2.1 - Feb'13 (11 mil and 10 mil)...BFN

IVF #4 - Mar '13...



(Everyone Welcome) :)

Re: Starting to hit...

  • He's right about on schedule. ;)

     Try asking on the 12 - 24 months board on the bump.  They have far more recent knowledge than I.

  • image ootmother2:

    He's right about on schedule. ;)

     Try asking on the 12 - 24 months board on the bump.  They have far more recent knowledge than I.

    lol, so true! My toddler just turned 2 a couple weeks ago, and he likes to hit, kick, and head-butt me when he throws a tantrum. They don't call it the terrible twos for nothing.

    I have a six panel "baby jail" set up in the living room, and he goes there for time-out when he hits me or his big brother. I take him there immediately and say "No hitting," put him in time-out, and then walk away. It's not a magical cure all, but over time he'll get better.

    My first two kids didn't spend very long in this stage, so I hope the baby grows out of it soon. He's very...spirited, though, so I worry. Tell your sister to hang in there!

     

    image

    I wrote this! 
  • tell your sister to count her lucky stars that he's just now starting this...my strongwilled 14 month old has been doing this for a few weeks now. I just grab his hands and say "No Hitting!" very firmly and then move along. I don't swat his hand or anything, b/c it's gotta be confusing to a 1-2 year old that mom says "no hitting" while swatting THEIR hand
    [IMG]http://i46.tinypic.com/9hqicx.jpg[/IMG][IMG]http://i46.tinypic.com/2d9dx1t.jpg[/IMG]
  • This is normal.  Tell her not to go crazy and think that he is headed for a future of incarceration.  Redirect him and keep teaching.  All kids hit at some point.  He'll grow out of it with the right direction.
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  • Thank you everyone for your help.  I'll be sure to tell her that her little one is not the only one doing this.
    [url=http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thenest.com/tickers/ttf3c77.aspx[/img][/url]




    TTC since Sept '10

    IVF #1: Sept '11 (7R, 0F, Transfer cancelled)

    IVF #2: Nov '11 (8R, 3F, 3 8-cell embryos transfered)...BFN

    IVF #3: Jan '12 ER: 2/2 - 10R,3F ET: 2/5 - 3 8-cell embryos...BFP!!

    Betas: 2/14 - 25, 2/16 - 79, 2/20 - 116, 2/22 - 63 C/P



    5/25/12 - DH has varicocele surgery

    IUI #1 - Dec '12 (42 mil and 10 mil)...BFN.

    IUI #2.0 - Cancelled due to cyst.

    IUI #2.1 - Feb'13 (11 mil and 10 mil)...BFN

    IVF #4 - Mar '13...



    (Everyone Welcome) :)
  • At that age, they understand a lot, but they can't say a lot of what they want to say in response. So they hit, kick, bite to try and get a point across. Once their vocabulary catches up with their thoughts, it stops. You sister should just continue reinforcing that hitting is not ok. I used to catch ds' arm mid-swat when he'd try and hit. Once he figured out he couldn't even get the hit in, it stopped.
  • image richzep:

    The more my sister tells him not to hit, the more he does it.  If you ignore it, he does it even harder to get your attention.  

    This is totally normal (I've been a preschool teacher and have the scars to show from it).  From the quoted text I think you and your sister know what to do: don't let it become a way for him to get attention.

    If he is hitting so hard/persistently that it is impossible to ignore or avoid, I like the pp's suggestion for "baby jail" - just remember not to give him a lot of attention in time out, since he is trying to engage with you. 

    Also make sure he's learning how he can get your attention/his needs met with appropriate touch/gestures/words (as they develop), from models and from your support when you see he needs/wants something.

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  • my two children are now 18 and 21.  As the other posters have stated, this behavior is very normal.  I feel that time out is the best way to nip this behavior quickly.  I used to use a playpen for time out.  My child never really used it to play in so it was perfect for time out.  I didn't want to use their crib because i didn't want them to associate being put to bed as a punishment.  If the child hit, I would take their hands and look at them firmly and say "no hitting".  then without a lot of hooplah just pick them up and put them in time out.  I tried not to hold them close when i was carrying them to time out.  for this child's age I would probably keep him/her in time out for 2 minutes.  After the two minutes go get the child, hug him/her and redirect them to another activity.  As a note, when you try to extinguish a behavior the child often escalates the behavior.  Just stay consistent, it might take awhile, but they will eventually stop.
  • Thanks for your help. My sister tried time out the other day (for the first time) and my nephew just cried his eyes out.  At least he knows it's not a good thing. She just needs to remain as consistent as possible with that.

     Thanks again!

    [url=http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thenest.com/tickers/ttf3c77.aspx[/img][/url]




    TTC since Sept '10

    IVF #1: Sept '11 (7R, 0F, Transfer cancelled)

    IVF #2: Nov '11 (8R, 3F, 3 8-cell embryos transfered)...BFN

    IVF #3: Jan '12 ER: 2/2 - 10R,3F ET: 2/5 - 3 8-cell embryos...BFP!!

    Betas: 2/14 - 25, 2/16 - 79, 2/20 - 116, 2/22 - 63 C/P



    5/25/12 - DH has varicocele surgery

    IUI #1 - Dec '12 (42 mil and 10 mil)...BFN.

    IUI #2.0 - Cancelled due to cyst.

    IUI #2.1 - Feb'13 (11 mil and 10 mil)...BFN

    IVF #4 - Mar '13...



    (Everyone Welcome) :)
  • that's great!  i'm sure it will get better if she sticks to it every time.
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