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24/7 self-centered?!? good grief

I am at a loss.  A "friend" of mine (use the term loosely these days) seems to be me, me, me ALL the time and I don't know what to do.  We've been friends for a number of years; however, for the last year or so her attitude has changed--gone from fun to self-centered and whiney. 

My guy and I bought a house recently, and barely received a congrats from her.  Yet when she and her hubs bought a home a few months later she's dragging me around showing me every lightswitch and doorknob (serious, I had to look at the lightswitches and doorknobs).

When we chat via matter what I ask--it can be something as simple as--enjoying the nice weather?  I get some kind of response like "oh I just bought this" or "I have a long weekend" or "hubs just gave me a great gift."  She called me one day and I was in the middle of a half marathon.  When I returned her call I apologized for not answer--said I was 3miles into the half.  So when she emails me back there isn't a single mention of "how did the race go?" or "did you have a good time?"  The email was strictly about her.

Am I unreasonable to think she's just become a self-centered snob?  I feel as though I should completely give up mentioning anything about my life because I truly believe she doesn't care. *sigh*

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Re: 24/7 self-centered?!? good grief

  • She could be jealous or in some imaginary competition with you to see who has the more exciting life.  Who knows.

    If you're so fed up, why are you still friend with her?

  • Recently a "friendship" of mine ended, and I came to the conclusion she was a "hater".  Couldn't say anything nice about her other friends, and whenever something good happened to me she'd claim I was trying to "one-up" her.  ?  I'm sorry but my life did not revolve around her, and I'm not going to be friends with someone who tries to keep me down.  There were red flags everywhere, but hey hindsight is 20/20

    Some good definitions of "hater" can be found on Urban Dictionary:

    I have many friends who are positive, uplifting, and if they have a concern they tell me with constructive criticism, i.e. = HEALTHY friendships.  They are night-and-day to the hater.  (And guess what, the hater, well, HATED all of my other friends!  Go figure.)

  • Life is way too short to deal with such toxic people. 
  • I am in the same boat as you and can relate.  A friend of mine is putting her parents into serious debt over her wedding.  She is requesting that I take all of this time off work to attend her bachelorette party.  I have never met someone so shallow and self centered as her.  The only time she ever tries to see me is when she wants me to attend another party celebrating her engagement. 

     The best thing I know how to do is tolerate it.  I know she is a good friend and hopefully when her wedding is over she will be back to normal.  Maybe your friend just needs you to tell her how you feel. 

  • If the friendship is really worth it there isn't much you can do.  Some people are like that and you can't change them unfortunately.

    I have a friend that complains that her BFF is like that.  And the funny thing is she does the same thing to me that she complains to her BFF about.  I am always very aware of making sure that I don't treat my friends like that. 

  • There is a way to "gently" call her out.  To that email, write back "The race was great.  I did really well.  Thanks for asking". 

    Even on the phone, if she kind of cuts you off, doesn't ask about something, or what not - same thing.  "OH I just did ___.  Thanks for asking!"

    Do this a couple times- a NORMAL person will realize what's going on....

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

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  • image Karen2905:

    She could be jealous or in some imaginary competition with you to see who has the more exciting life.  Who knows.

    If you're so fed up, why are you still friend with her?


    It may be dumb but I feel sorry for her.  She has every reason to be happy--married in a "big, beautiful wedding", gorgeous custom engagement ring, honeymoon in Hawaii, good/steady job, new car, home of their dreams (eventually it's under complete reconstruction), just went on another vacation, supportive family/husband.  After all that...what is there to be miserable about?  She certainly isn't struggling in life.  But it does seem like she's always comparing herself to everyone rather than being happy.  Makes me feel sad for her.  This constant need to be showy has to be exhausting.

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  • I used to have a friend kind of like your "friend."

    Notice I said "used to." 

    It doesn't sound like your "friend" is much of a friend.  Why do you still talk to her?  Is there anything in this friendship worth that's worth keeping her as a friend?

  • My boss is like this. I don't even ask about the weather let alone her kids/ex-h/bf because it will be an hour+ answer. Literally she just talked for a half hour about her ex and I then tried to say something about my night and I didn't even get through 2 sentences before she had "tuned me out". I'm like "yea, my life may not be super exciting, but neither is all the crap about your ex, your kids, your sex life, your bf, or the amount of your work that is not complete!" Grrrr. Some people just like to hear themselves talk and want attention from it. I have to listen since she is my boss, but I don't feed into it.

    People like this are toxic and debbie-downers most of the time. Keep happy people and real friends around you as much as you can!

  • I had a friend like this.  She grew out of it.  I think.  Actually she moved away and we only talk for a few minutes once a week -- so we are quick about catching up about our lives.  Life's decisions and struggles taught her not to brag so frequently -- it will come back to bite you in the @ss.
  • Well we all have insecurities and we all deal with them differently. Like others said she is probably jealous or something, but if you truly value her friendship you can be honest with her and tell her how you feel.

  • I have a friend like this and can definitely relate. And the only reason I'm friends with her at this point is because our husbands are best friends and she is vindictive enough that she'd make his life hell for talking to my husband if we had a falling out. It's lame.

    But to the point, I agree with another poster, just interrupt and say stuff about what you're doing and things like that. Eventually she will probably get it. And if not, bluntly say something to her about her behavior. I've had to do that. It works.

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