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i have know idea what to do..

i would really like advice on this.

I dont really feel like my husband is attracted to me anymore. My husband loves his computer games. Everytime he has a day off or a afternoon off, he is on the computer. Most of the time i am ok with it, but lately it has been putting a stop on our bedroom time. i try to do romatic things to get his attention away from the computer, but it doesnt work. Then i have to ask him to get off the computer so that we can have bedroom time, and that leads to a argument about how he never has time to himself. ( which is so not true). It is really starting to hurt my feelings. I have tried to talk to him about how it makes me feel, but he just goes right back to the game and i leave the room crying. Has anyone eles ever had this problem? we are still kinda newly weds, i dont think that this should be a issue.

Re: i have know idea what to do..

  • We have the same issue. My sex drive has took a turn for the worst since getting married. whenever he wants it, I don't and vice versa. So you aren't the only newlywed with this issue.

     

    PS does he play WOW? If so we should lock our DHs in a room together...

  • JT325JT325 member
    Sixth Anniversary First Comment
    I giggled when I read your response Kate-- my DH plays WOW and I have to frequently tell him that its time to click a different mouse!
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  • What is it with WOW? Sometimes, I feel like I have to dance around him naked for him to notice its love time. And all I get... "hold on baby, im almost done with this dungeon. Let me kill this boss" Really?
  • JT325JT325 member
    Sixth Anniversary First Comment

    Totally agree with you.

    He zones out all the time and I literally have to wave my hands in front of him to get his attention.

    At times, I don't mind it though.  Smile 

    (I knew he was a WOW addict before I married him-- and I'm completely in love with him, so I'll live!)

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  • I would try talking to him again without him at the computer. Sit him down and let him know how you feel but also ask him what would make him more interested in you. There is an adjustment time for some newly weds. When DH and I first got married we barely had any sex and fought like crazy. If you didn't live together previously it may take some time getting used to it. I think some ppl feel like its not as exciting anymore because you are around each other all the time now. It should pass with time. If not you can try a sex and relationship counselor.
  • I was lurking and had to stop and post. My husband was also addicted to WOW. We had many fights about him not spending enough time with me and playing that game instead. And then something horrible happened... he made me a character and I got addicted. I mean up at 4am telling him "hold on baby, im almost done with this dungeon" lol. We had alot of fun playing together, doing dungeons, raids, and etc. Right now were both recovering addicts and havent played for months. But I still have a WOW backround on my desktop.

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  • If his computer time has already caused arguments, then his computer time is a PROBLEM.

    I hope he's not on his way to developing an addiction to being on line. If he doesn't get it that you're upset and crying over his game time, then there's  a problem. He needs to cut back on his time and if he can't do it, bad news.

    You might want to check into AlAnon and bounce this off them -- yes, AlAnon is for those who know somebody with an alcohol problem; an addiction to computer games is the same thing: an addiction.

     

  • my husband is totally addicted to roller coaster tycoon. he used to be addicted to his wii, or his N64. now it is this. i totally hid the game for like 3 days and everything was fine. but once i gave it back, it was all down hill from there. he says that i dont need to take it away again. i dont want to have to be a mother figure and take things away from him. he tried to act like nothing is wrong and continued to play the game for another 2 hours while i was in the room crying. i dont get it. i didnt know that when u got married it was first comes god, then computer games, then wife. he has now decided to sleep on the couch. the sad thing is that my birthday is tomorrow and i dont think that i want to spend it with him if he cant even apologize for not getting off the game to come and check on me.
  • We agree on computer/game free days/times. Our life is so much better for it too. We also turn our cellphones off. I don't nest and he doesn't get on his Xbox. It's time well spent and an investment in our relationship.
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  • image LemonLover33:
    We agree on computer/game free days/times. Our life is so much better for it too. We also turn our cellphones off. I don't nest and he doesn't get on his Xbox. It's time well spent and an investment in our relationship.

    This.

    FI loves video games (WoW and FIFA, in particular). He would play all day, every day, if he could. We set up a schedule, where he can play his games nag-free, and I can do whatever I want, sans him. We also make sure to have dinner together at least 3 nights during the week, have one "us night" during the week, and have a "date night" at least one weekend night. Those times are off-limits for computers, phone calls, etc.

    He also made me a WoW character, which I'll play with him sometimes, but I'm definitely not as into as he is. It's kind of a fun thing to do together. Maybe give it a try!

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  • Omgosh! My husband plays WoW too... ughh!!!! I have to admit... I have a lvl 72 DK.. but don't very often. I am not addicted! lol I am a full time dental hygiene student, so I really don't have time to play games. Also, when I did play, we played together. He helped me lvl.

     

    Hope all is well!

  • Everyone in this post complaining need to tell their DHs to grow the f*ck up.  They're married now.  There is nothing wrong with playing video games for a little while, but CHILDREN play games for hours on end, not adults!

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  • WOW is a problem in our house too but its my son. He loves it. He turned DH on to it so they play when DS is home which means I have to wait for my whoopi. I am soooo glad when DS goes back to school so I can get DH back on track.
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  • srgwsrgw member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker

    My H loves computer games. Right now he's really into League of Legends. He also played WOW, but before I met him. We have a date night every Monday. No computer or phone for either of us. And Friday nights/early Saturday morning is his time to play computer games as long as he wants (he usually comes to bed between 4am-5am). That's our compromise and it's working great for us. Every few months we reevaluate because we are newlyweds and didn't live together before we married so we're still getting the hang of combining our lives.

    Oh, and when we were engaged my H made me cards that say Stop Playing Computer Games Now so if I feel like he's gotten a little too addicted/not giving me attention I can just give him the card and he'll get off the computer no questions asked. I haven't had to use any of them yet though.

    So if you and your H could sit down and come up with a compromise I think you'll both be happier.

  • image Lissa832:

    Everyone in this post complaining need to tell their DHs to grow the f*ck up.  They're married now.  There is nothing wrong with playing video games for a little while, but CHILDREN play games for hours on end, not adults!

    This and what another poster said about addiction and Alanon. Let's just say that my first marriage ended in divorce due to this problem. I tried everything. I can recall one Valentines Day where I bought this cute red slip nighty and put it on for him. He literally told me to go away he was busy.Things got so bad that he wouldn't hold a job because it interfered with his game time. We did seek counseling but by then it was to late the damage was already done not to mention he didn't want to recognize that he had a problem. 


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  • I love the idea of him giving you the "Stop Playing on the Computer Now" cards. That's a great idea!

     

  • I used to be one of those wives who complained about my husband and his video games, esp. his love for World of Warcraft... however, with some coaxing and some marital counseling, I now JOIN my husband in his hobby, instead of fighting him away from them.   Couples who play together, stay together is our motto.   It truely does help. He gets enjoyment out of me doing something with him that he enjoys, and I get to spend time with him doing something I don't necessarily enjoy, but spending time with him nonetheless.    Also, because of this, there is less arguing, and more enjoyment doing all things together.  Our fave thing ever is to cook dinner together... followed by dessert in the bedroom.  :] 

     

    Good luck to all you couples still struggling. Hope you find your way. 

  • Fortunately I don't have this problem. Though my husband  does play video games and computer games that usually infringes on his ability to do anything around the house such as pick up his dirty socks. When it comes down to sex, he'd much rather do that then his video game. However, if he was playing WOW there would be a problem because this game, no matter who plays becomes addicting and people become neurotic about it. I don't know if you ever specified that that's what it was, but WOW will ruin any relationship. I recently spoke to a girl that used to play and it almost caused her and her husband to get a divorce. You need to sit him down when he's not busy storming the online castle and have a heart to heart and tell him how what he is doing makes you feel, and that he needs to learn how to manage his time better. And if it truly is WOW, he needs to quit playing altogether, but you may have to ween him off. 
  • image W.E.D:

    i would really like advice on this.

    I dont really feel like my husband is attracted to me anymore. My husband loves his computer games. Everytime he has a day off or a afternoon off, he is on the computer. Most of the time i am ok with it, but lately it has been putting a stop on our bedroom time. i try to do romatic things to get his attention away from the computer, but it doesnt work. Then i have to ask him to get off the computer so that we can have bedroom time, and that leads to a argument about how he never has time to himself. ( which is so not true). It is really starting to hurt my feelings. I have tried to talk to him about how it makes me feel, but he just goes right back to the game and i leave the room crying. Has anyone eles ever had this problem? we are still kinda newly weds, i dont think that this should be a issue.

    I have a friend who has this same problem ? she got married in early December ?09 things were just find until about the middle of March so we were talking today about this when I mentioned to her that I had seen a posting earlier today on the bump website so she and I looked it up.  I said I?d not had this problem since we were older and my DH doesn?t play computer games.  She said but her DH was addicted to the X-box, computer ? not just games but the computer in general.  So I asked her what she did; she told me that about a month ago she went into the area where they had their computer; saying ? ?Edwin, Edwin,? (he does not like being called Edwin ? he prefers Ed) he looked up seeing me standing in the doorway in nothing but my birthday suit.  He said ?WOW what?s this??  To which I said, ?which do you prefer now ? me or that stupid computer??

    He wanted me that night so we had fun that I wanted that time.

    The next time I did that he told me he?d be up later ? so I went to bed crying.  The next morning he tried to apologize; but, the hurt was still there.  So I asked him which was more important to him the computer or me.  That?s when he said ? ?I never get to have time for myself.?  So I said ? ?well what if I give you all the time you want for yourself??  He said ? ?that?ll be great.?  So I said ?next time I want you to do something for me then how about I just go to the club ? so I can get some time with what I need too?  Then you can be here with that computer just playing all you want.  OK!!!?  He did not say anything to this.

    I suggested she do the following: since he mention he did not have time to do what he wants to do on the computer then put it on a pay as you use it basis.  In other words a timer which keeps a record of the amount of time spent on the thing.  Then he will see how much time he actually does spend on his computer.  I think he will be surprised just how much time is used when he?s on it.  That?s what Bill did with our youngest son Steve just so he would know how much time he use the one in his room while he was in high school.  He was surprised just how long he was on it.

    Try that ? see if he?s surprised at the amount of time using it ? it could be an eye opener!!!

    ~~Emily~~  Smile

    Life is what you make of it ?
  • I have to agree with some of the PPs. My FI got me into WoW when we moved in together 3 years ago. I think it's kept us closer then if he hadn't ever introduced me to it. We live out in the middle of nowhere so our socializing is done mostly with each other. Talking about world issues and politics runs out quickly, so we always have gaming to fall back on.

    We did have to figure out a schedule for being intimate at first. There were times when one or the other of us didn't want to get off, but we made it a priority because we knew how important that was to us as a couple too. Early on in our relationship (before we even had sex for the first time together) we agreed that we feel that sex is a physical representation of the love you feel for the other person. Yeah, it's kinda corny, but sweet at the same time, and we used to use that a lot to get the other person to clue in to our needs.

    It's much better now, it only takes a gentle reminder now and then, and we've figured out what time works best for both of us. So, I'd say, just talk to him, and if you can't beat em, join em?

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