Not for me, though- I need advice for a friend. And before anyone thinks riiight "a friend," when it's really for Snail, I can't assure you, it's definitely not me.
Alright, so here we go. I have a friend (we will call her J). J and her H have been married for 6 years. J and her H, met in college and got married about 6 months later when he was being sent to Iraq. They have two kids: a DD who is 3 and a DS who just turned 2. DD was born when the couple had been married for about 3 years and DS was born quickly thereafter (J found out she want KU with DS, when DD was like 4 months old. So many abbreviations I'm sorry!)
J, her H and the kids live out of state with H's family. They had to move with H's family, due to serious debt issues (the debt was accrued prior to having kids and just got worse after the kids were born). So they moved in with the inlaws a few months after she found out she was pregnant with DS. That was almost 3 years ago. J was laid off from her job last April, due to "lack of work" and her H has an okay job as a government contractor, but it's not enough to get out of debt and move out. J is back in school working towards her associates in medical assisting.
So since moving out there, her H has essentially checked out of their relationship. J does everything- she is a stay at home mom during the day and goes to school full time at night.Her H never wants to do anything with her or the kids. He's rather watch TV or play video games. Since they've been living with his inlaws, his mom waits on him hand and foot, and he is starting to expect the same from J. He's just so fuucking lazy!! I could go on for days about the fights they get into, but I don't want to make this any longer than it already is.
Oh the other part: J's FIL is super condescending about how she is raising the kids. Things like "If my kids ever threw a temper tantrum like that, I would beat the shiit out of them" and "if you were a good mother, they wouldn't act out like that." J's H doesn't say or do anything in response. He "feels like he should stay out of it." And basically makes J look like the bad guy for punishing the kids. Her H also feels like "since his parents are putting a roof over the heads and food on the table, his parents can say whatever and do whatever they want."
(Which I agree to a point- J and her H need to respect the parents for helping them out, but there is a line that is often crossed)
Tonight they got into a HUGE blow out and she basically said- her and the kids are moving home (to Cincy) and they will just have to work things out or be done with the relationship. The problem is, she's said this before. Many, many times since they have moved out there. So now it's become an empty promise to her H. I don't think he believes she will actually ever do it.
Holy shiit, if you are still reading this, thank you. I know it's long, but I feel like the back story is super important. And I can always fill in more spaces if you need it before you make a decision.
I know she needs to DTMFA, but how do I make her realize that? And I know that most people need to realize it on their own, but she is one of my best friends and I'm so tired of seeing her so unhappy.
Thanks for reading all this.. I'll probably be up for a little bit more tonight and then I will try to check in as the day goes on tomorrow. Love you biicthes!