March 2009 Weddings
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so i went to the cardiologist today

and he told me if i want kids, i should have them sooner rather than later. as in like i should have them in 2 or 3 years tops ... i was thinking in 5 or 6 ...

boo.

i do want kids, but we are in no position to have them. 

stupid enlarged heart.

 

i haven't told h yet ... he doesn't need this stress while trying to do annual billing stuff for work. 

Re: so i went to the cardiologist today

  • That stinks, but at least it's not out of the question so that's good news.
  • so like when did you find out about the enlarged heart?
  • image BB8785:
    so like when did you find out about the enlarged heart?

    i was born with a congenital heart defect, when i was 2 yo i had the heart the size of a 10 yo and my blood was being pumped into the right, instead of the left, so they moved my heart wall and fixed me up.

    i've had multiple surgeries and all is well now, but my mom thinks i should adopt because she thinks that it will be too much stress on my heart.

    but the doctor today said he wouldn't worry about stress but i'll be watched closer than most. 

     

  • well atleast he says you can have your own! good luck when y'all decide to have them!
  • you never know you might be ready in 3 years. I wouldn't count it out!
  • May I ask why you want to wait 5-6?  Is there any specific reason?

    It's good that you can still have kiddos though!

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  • I had no idea you were born with this.

     It was still great news from the doctor. Like Meg said, you have no idea where you will be in 3 years. You may be ready sooner than that :)

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  • Hmmm, a baby AK? I think that child will be plastered in Vera Bradley baby gear and fabulous Ann Taylor-esque baby clothes Yes

    I say do it sooner!

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  • Wow...I didn't know that Kate. At least having bebes isn't ruled out for you and H - and, as others have said, maybe you guys will be prepared in three years for a little one!

    I say do it sooner, too...but that's just because you and your H are gonna have an adorable baby. :)

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  • I had no idea about this either, AK.  However, I agree with whats been said in that it's great news that you can still have children in the future.  Also, you may be just ready to have kids by then anyway. :)
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  • So, how do you feel about it?

    Are you happy with adopting? Or do you feel you must have a DNA match? And if so, do YOU have to have the baby or can someone else carry your egg and his sperm? There are lots of options out there but you need to give it time and decide how you want to work it. 

    At least he gave you 2-3 years. It's not like he said "crap. you missed the boat. sucks to be you." So there is time to give it a good think, rethink, and rethink again.

    And I also wonder about the 2-3 years. Is it to keep you well away from that 35 marker? Most women I know who have had heart conditions were told to keep baby making in their 30's since the older they get, the greater the chance of high blood pressure, preeclampsia, etc.

  • I wouldn't stress about it now (easy for me to say, I know!).  But see how you feel when the 2-3 yrs comes.  If you guys are still not ready, you can evaluate what to do then.  I can't imagine purposefully having a child when you *know* you are not ready.  But you might be, or you might feel more comfortable adopting.  Don't rush yourself!  Glad your health is okay :)
  • image janda309:

    May I ask why you want to wait 5-6?  Is there any specific reason

    Finances.  H wants to go to grad school and we want to travel more.  I know you can do this when you have kids, my parents did it, but it would be much easier without.

    Not to mention, I freak out when I have to pay $60 for 1 day of doggie daycare !

    image xnickerx:

    So, how do you feel about it?

    Are you happy with adopting? Or do you feel you must have a DNA match? And if so, do YOU have to have the baby or can someone else carry your egg and his sperm? There are lots of options out there but you need to give it time and decide how you want to work it. 

    At least he gave you 2-3 years. It's not like he said "crap. you missed the boat. sucks to be you." So there is time to give it a good think, rethink, and rethink again.

    And I also wonder about the 2-3 years. Is it to keep you well away from that 35 marker? Most women I know who have had heart conditions were told to keep baby making in their 30's since the older they get, the greater the chance of high blood pressure, preeclampsia, etc.

    I am okay adopting, but I think that would be a last resort. other than not having any children.  Our family friends adopted a great little girl, but I would be scared of the " well you aren't my mom " bs they can throw at you while in puberty.

    H is okay having or not having kids ... he could go either way.  I doesn't believe a child has to have his DNA to be his child.

    In 2 - 3 years I will be 28 or 29 ... my sister just had her baby at 31, and I am sure that my niece will be an only child.

    I have told H ... if we have 2 I want them one right after the other, my mom had a 5 yo a 4 yo and a new born ( me ! ) and I know she says it wasnt easy !

  • image cincyGirl1980:
    you never know you might be ready in 3 years. I wouldn't count it out!

     

    This, exactly. 

  • Thanks for the answers. I am not doctor of course, but from what I see/here/read they try to keep women in "high risk" areas below the age 30 mark for children.To me, sounds like the general advice is being passed onto you.

    Since you are not dead set on "if I don't squeeze it out myself it will be the end of the world", in your shoes I would wait the 5 year ish time frame, get a full and complete work up, weigh out the risks, and THEN make a decision. Yes, there would be a real chance it might be "too late" for the whole shebang. But then, it might be you need to plan a c-section and skip labor. Or perhaps have a portable heart monitor "just in case". Know what I mean?

    I know there is the sanity of not putting yourself at risk, but frankly brushing your teeth in the morning is risky for heart patients. If you take the necessary precautions and go into it with your eyes open, I would think early 30's isn't too bad. I would probably put my cut off at 32 (to start trying for #1), in order to get your two in back to back. That gives you a couple years in case something goes wrong. I mean you could get lucky with #1 but it takes forever with #2. Or the doc says you need 6 months, 1 year, whatever to rest up to protect your heart. Gives you a buffer that way.

    It's a tough call. Good luck! Oh, and I think you are probably smart to wait to talk until later. It isn't like you have only 2 weeks to decide or anything. Why dump more stress on the husband's plate that doesn't have to be there just quite yet?

  • Wow, that's a lot for a doctor to lay on you.  Granted, I'd rather hear it sooner than later, and it's not like you weren't aware of your situation, but still....

    I say keep things status quo, what's the rush?  Stick with your gut on where you want life to go from here.  Maybe in 3 years, sit down with H and see how you both feel then?  You never know how your feelings will change in that time.

    Will you tell H what the dr. said once his work stuff calms down?  I know my H would want to know.

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  • oh, kate, that's a lot to process. i don't have anything to add that these gals didn't mention, just saying a prayer for you and sending good thoughts your way! ((hugs))
  • You have gotten some great advice on this.  And you never shared this with us before...ah well, guess it never came up.  I think once you talk to H and see how he sees the situation, and how he feels about it all, you will be at peace with whatever BOTH of you decide.  No worries, it will all work out.  :)
  • Ok, apparently I am in a going against the boat mode today, but my advice would be that if you both want kids and now is the safest time to have them I would say that an unexpected/earlier surprise is usually a blessing... 

    However, I understand your finances concern.  I would say definitely talk to your DH and maybe talk to the doctor further and see if it is generalized advice or specific advice and what the risks are in waiting, etc.  It sounds like kind-of a "keep this in mind" comment that needs follow-up.

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  • Wow, that is a lot to process. But who knows what could happen in 2 or 3 years. The best laid plans of mice and men you know. Hang in there, things will work out exactly the way they're supposed to.
  • I had no idea AK. At least the doctor didn't rule it out. Everyone gave some good advice. I think you should reassses in a year.
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