June 2009 Weddings
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thankyou notes snark

I sent out my thank you notes just after the 4 month mark. But since sending them out we've received several comments form our guests ? one at Thanksgiving saying he received the thank you note... with a whole lengthy convo about how long its been and that its "better late than never", one of K's colleagues at work straight out asked him "why bother after so long?".

Maybe I shouldn't be, but I'm a little offended. The reason i took so long to send them out is that i wanted to make sure that each note was personal, and not just copied from a template... plus i waited to receive our pro pics back (which took over 3 months) so i could include pics with our thank you notes. Now I am wishing that I just whipped something generic out on the honeymon flight b/c it seems that is what people would have preferred...

I guess I am just surprised about this b/c I was under the impression that it was acceptable to send thank you's out out up to 6 months after the wedding (and some even say a year!). Anyone else get snarky comments from their guests about your thank you's??  

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Baby #1 EDD 11/13/13

Re: thankyou notes snark

  • No, thank goodness, or I'd probably tell them off. Making any kind of remark like that is completely rude and definitely a Miss Manners No No. It is really the pot calling the kettle black when someone makes the comment out loud that someone else was not etiquette-ly perfect.
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  • I didn't get any snarky comments about my thank you notes.  I also got them out asap b/c I didn't use a photo for them.  I would have probably did an odd giggle and blamed it on the photographer for taking so long to get me my photos. 
  • I didn't get any comments. Miss Manners says that etiquette is behaving in a way that makes people around you feel comfortable (or something like that, I was reading the book at my friend's house while drunk). I think calling someone out like that is just rude. Even if they thought it was rude (and I think within 6 months is fine, but a year is too long), you don't respond to rudeness with more rudeness.
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  • I think four months is acceptable. They were totally rude for even commenting on the timeline. I know I biitch about people who wait 6+ months or NEVER SEND ONE AT ALL, but I would never tell that to their face.
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    Lucy Elizabeth 10.27.12
  • I think it's rude to make any comment like this. I wouldn't dream of saying anything along these lines to someone. However, one of my BFF's took about 5 months to send hers out (did not include photo) and I was honestly very shocked by that. I hate to admit this, but in a way, it made me lose a little respect for her I think. But thank you notes are important to me and my mom always made us write them for everything growing up so I may take it more seriously than most. I sent out 2 rounds of wedding thank-yous--one round the Wednesday after the wedding with personalized messages and another round about 6 weeks later when I had our photo card made up that just had the thank you printed on the inside.?

    This may be why I am not sending out Christmas cards this year! I am carded out...

  • I'll let you know... Ours haven't gone out yet.
  • My mom was the only one who commented when she found out I didnt mail some of them (from our AHR) until over 3 months after the fact. I think anything within 6 months is fine and the person who said something to you is being completely rude. No matter what I thought about it, I would never say it to someone's face.
  • Well........

    Yes, it was rude of them to say something. There is no question about that. No, I haven't had anyone say anything like this to me, and I would probably point out their rudeness in doing so (which would be rude of me...oh, the viscious cycle).

    But the six months to one year thing actually applies to sending gifts for a wedding, not to writing Thank You notes. Thank Yous are supposed to be written and sent 6-8 weeks after the ceremony or after you receive the gift (if it's well before or well after the ceremony). However, all ettiquette experts/books/websites agree that late is better than not at all.

    Now, did I get all mine written and sent by the 8 week mark? Heck no! But it is the "standard rule"...I just recognize that I broke it, and I recognize that there are probably people who jusge me for it.

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  • The only thing I've heard about our thank you's was how everyone loved that they had our picture on the front. 

    That all being said, I had mine done 6 weeks after the wedding.  B wrote his own and got the last of them out in early September.  I do know that we forgot one of his aunts, however, so I need to jump on that ASAP. To be fair, she sent a card way late, so it's kind of sort of not our fault, but I need to remember to do it before we send them a Christmas card haha

    I'm friends with everybody in this office. We're all best friends - I love everybody here. But sometimes your best friends start coming into work late, and start having dentist appointments that aren't dentist appointments. And that's when it is nice to let them know that you can beat them up.
  • This is funny to me that this is a topic today because I just got a thank you in the mail for a wedding that occurred Memorial Weekend.  DH and I both said at the same time - "why'd they even bother?!"  I guess I view thank you cards in the same way angelfire does as my mom was also a stickler about them.  But now I am too!  I had mine done and in the mail within 2 weeks after the wedding (but I also had a good motivator as I wanted to get them done before our honeymoon, which was 2 1/2 weeks after the wedding).  I feel like 3-4 months is fine, 6 is pushing it, and a year is just too long. 

    Also - the only reason I didn't worry about that person getting the gift is because it was a check and she cashed it right away.  I always hope that the couple gets the gift and I feel the thank you is a good way to know for sure.  I don't expect them from anyone, but I do think they are a nice way to express appreciation. 

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  • On a related note, I e-mailed a friend of mine to whom I gave a wedding gift a year and a half ago and who RSVPd to my wedding as an aside via a common friend. In her response, she included a PS that said she owes us a wedding gift and thanked us for the one I gave her. I still appreciate the acknowledgment of the gift, but I think she should have at least made it the body of the e-mail rather than a PS.
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