Family Matters
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Bad Tureky day, now onto X-mass

We went to my folks house for Thanksgiving.   Went over about two and I put the sweet potatoes in the oven and the desserts in the fridge.  My H and I sat a the kitchen table and looked at the black Friday ads while my mom sat complaining she either had to work that night or on Friday and miss the shopping.  Then my sister comes out (16) and plops down at the table to do home work and I inquire what she is working on and she bits my head off and procceds to plug in to her ipod.  My mom is still yaking about nothing and just being annoying.  Finally it is about 4 and she pulls the turkey out and is finishing things up to eat dinner when my brother and dad show themselves from where ever they were hiding.  Dinner wasn't very good and all we heard during dinner was how much my sister loves gravy and watched flood her plate of food with it.  The thing is when ever we go over to dinner at my folk's place we eat the some kind of stuff (we had big turkey dinner 3 weeks before Thanksgiving). 

My H and I were invited to spend Christmas with some friends at their cabin the mountains and spend the weekend skiing and snowshoeing.  I mentioned something to my mom and she went balistic on me and said that if we didn't do Christmas with them we would get any presents.  Stupid and childish I know and I don't really care about the presents anyway because I am an adult and can go buy myself anything I really need or want.  My H and I want to host Christmas eve dinner and give our gifts out that night at our house and then be able to leave for our friend's place the next morning. I figured it would be a win win situation. We wouldn't have to eat my mom's same old dinner and still be able to do Christmas with my family but be able to do our own thing also.  Does this sound like a good solution or am I just complicating things? 

T Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

Re: Bad Tureky day, now onto X-mass

  • I think as adults you get to decide how you best want o spend the holidays.

    You're not saying you won't see them at all over the Christmas period, just that you won't see them on Christmas day.

    I say, invite them for Christmas Eve dinner and if your Mum wants to throw a sulk and either not come or not give you gifts then that's her business.

    You can still enjoy giving your gifts and get to do what you want on Christmas day.

    I wouldn't be bullied by your Mum's tantrum, if I was you. 

    Elizabeth 3yrs old Jane 1yr old
  • I'd inform family Christmas Eve at my house, then DH and I are taking a ski break.

    She wants to have a hissy fit, her choice. Now,,, if she has made changes to her work schedule to accomodate you coming to her house she may have a reason to be somewhat miffed- but ballistic and crying No presents for you is just out of line. 

  • You sound like you're 16 too.

    You badmouth your sister, you call your mom annoying, you complain about the food your're served whenever you visit, you state the thanksgiving meal isn't sound like an all-around brat, really.

    And really, all that crap had nothing to do with your problem.   So you want to do something else for Christmas.  Well, do it.   Your mom is giving you some gift ultimatum, and she's being very immature.   I'd say something like, "are you serious, mom?   You would withhold gifts purely because you disagree what we decide to do for Christmas?   Do you want us to decide not to attend any future christmas events with you because you're making a big deal about it?"

    I wouldn't give in to your mom now, because then it'll never end.  But you should make that decision because you'd like to go to the cabin, not because you think holidays with your family is lame.

    Oh, and just a general word of advice.  If the food is so damn bad...why don't YOU cook? 

  • It sounds like a nice plan up until the part where you diss your mother's efforts at a nice meal and you turn your nose up on her food.

    Does it occur that your mom is really bothered by having to work, proud of her meals, at a loss for a surly teen and ... ungrateful newlywed DD?

    Get grateful .. or at least act that way - and you might get what you want for your holiday plans. Better yet, just BE a little grateful.

    My darling daughter just turned 4 years old.
  • I will never understand why people act like this.  You are adults and you may spend the holiday any way (or place) you wish.  Your mother will get over it.  
  • I dont even know why this required a post. IF you are an adult and you want to go to the cabin on Xmas then GO! You then wont have to worry about your mother nagging, you b and f hiding from you, the nsaty food, and your immature 16 year old sister!

  • On the list of what might constitute a "bad" holiday, this doesn't even make the top 100 list.  So you don't like your mother's cooking and your family doesn't make a huge effort to socialize on the holiday?  So freakin' what?  What does that have to do with your desire to spend your Christmas as you choose?

    If you'd just posted something along the lines of "We were invited to spend Christmas at a friend's cabin, and I'd like to host my family for Christmas Eve dinner at my house, but my mom is pitching a fit because we won't be with them on Christmas Day -- what to do?" you'd have gotten different advice.  But when you chose to put in all these details about how much you dislike your mother's cooking and how poor your family's social skills are as some sort of justification for why you don't want to spend Christmas Day with makes it sound like the apple didn't fall far from the rude tree.

    You want to go to your friend's cabin for Christmas.  You want to have your family over for Christmas Eve at your house.  You're free to go to your friend's cabin and you're free to invite your family to come over.  They're also free to decline your invitation.  Should they choose to decline, then you have to be okay with that.  If you throw a hissy fit, your behavior is the same behavior you complained about in your mother.

    "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
  • Honestly, had my mother reacted to my idea in that manner, I'd have deadpanned back at her, "Well, it's certainly a good thing DH & I don't think Christmas is all about getting gifts."

    You can't control how your parents will (irrationally) try to guilt you into spending every holiday with them.  You CAN, however, be adults in your own right and choose where and how to spend your holidays - and live guilt-free with those choices.  I'd opt for your plan and give your mom a call from the cabin on Christmas Day.  Done deal.

    ETA:  I also agree that every word you typed prior to the bit about your mom's reaction to where you want to spend Christmas was overkill and your garden variety holiday family interactions.  Or, in short, "so what?"

    Waiting for some innocuous creativity... I'll let you know.
  • Make plans for Christmas and Christmas eve the way YOU want them to be, and allow your parents to go or not go.

    Just FYI, though.  Until I met DH, I never "celebrated" Christmas eve - I often had to work the day before, at least for a 1/2 day, and it was a PITA to get off, get all of the last minute things done, and be home in time for church.  I grew up in a house where "Xmas eve dinner tradition" was pizza!  So, invite your family, but you need to be perfectly ok with them not showing up.

    Your mom has to learn that Christmas doesn't revolve around the things that she has always done.  You're married now, and an adult as well.

  • image SueBear:

     So, invite your family, but you need to be perfectly ok with them not showing up.

    To add- based on your moms reaction, I can see her not being hot on this idea.  She does need to learn that you're an adult now and you may not always be w/ them on x-mas itself. however, she still has the right to want to celebrate x-mas how SHE wants too.
    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • NO WAY! Your sister used a bunch of gravy! That's just effed up. I mean, how DARE she! I think you should spend Christmas however you want--- but you sound a lot like your immature, bratty teenage sister wtih the crap you spewed where about youdr bad Thanksgiving day. I think a bad Thanskgiving is the first one someone had to attend after their mother dies. Or (as happened with one of my friends on TIP), someone's father dies the day after Thanksgiving so they always have that memory at every Thanksgiving from here on out. If you think this is a "bad" Thanksgiving... you're a pretty blessed little girl.

    BTW- it's T-U-R-K-E-Y and X-M-A-S

    Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
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