Relationships
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email [email protected]

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

Dishes (before vs. after)

2»

Re: Dishes (before vs. after)

  • MrsGinger...you could have been talking about me in your post...and I am like this even with others...not just DH.

    It's really important to see that sometimes those things are not the least bit crucial to the overall big picture.  Sometimes it's hard to because you're caught up in the moment...but taking a step back is important.

    DH would have probably never even noticed had I changed first, showered, even relaxed before I made dinner. 

    I see the suggestion to read the Five Languages of Love all the time...I think I'm going to read it.

    And Ibis...I've definitely got my "unreasonable" moments...but when 30 people tell you the same thing...I've got to be crazy to assume that I'm the one who'se right. (although I'm sure I've had those moments too).  :)

    [url=http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thenest.com/tickers/ttf3c77.aspx[/img][/url]




    TTC since Sept '10

    IVF #1: Sept '11 (7R, 0F, Transfer cancelled)

    IVF #2: Nov '11 (8R, 3F, 3 8-cell embryos transfered)...BFN

    IVF #3: Jan '12 ER: 2/2 - 10R,3F ET: 2/5 - 3 8-cell embryos...BFP!!

    Betas: 2/14 - 25, 2/16 - 79, 2/20 - 116, 2/22 - 63 C/P



    5/25/12 - DH has varicocele surgery

    IUI #1 - Dec '12 (42 mil and 10 mil)...BFN.

    IUI #2.0 - Cancelled due to cyst.

    IUI #2.1 - Feb'13 (11 mil and 10 mil)...BFN

    IVF #4 - Mar '13...



    (Everyone Welcome) :)
  • I think it makes more sense to wash dishes after dinner anyway - he probably thinks it's silly to do it beforehand if more dirty dishes are going to be made in a few minutes.  So he might even have a very good reason for the order in which he does things - it's not merely different from yours just because.
  • I didn't bother reading any of the replies, just the OP.

    Pick your battles.  As an aside, this doesn't even seem like a battle, it seems like you picking a fight with your H over something trivial and silly.

  • image livinitup:
    image richzep:

    Alright...so it's really sounding like I need to get a grip. Whenever everyone starts saying the same thing to you...you just know there's a reason for it.

    I guess next time, I'm just going to ask him to do it and then it won't be an issue.

    Thanks for the honesty ladies!

    Also - next time, go upstairs for your shower and get changed before you tackle dinner.  I can be extremely considerate of others to the point of not getting my needs met (even little things like a quick shower) .. and that sets me up for hurt feelings when someone isn't being 'considerate' BACK.  It's a vicious cycle.  Sometimes, its okay to take care of yourself and not have the early dinner.  Really. Sometimes I pick what I want for dinner, sometimes I pick the restaurant, sometimes I go on my own schedule.  Its a nice balance.  Then no one has to think of super nice thoughtful things to do.

    I think livinitup makes a really good point. Instead of feeling like you have to do everything (the martyr routine that leads to this sort of drama in the first place) and wait for someone else to be considerate to you... just go ahead and be considerate to yourself. trust me, as someone prone to these little minor fits myself, I get it. But you really have to take a step back and realize it's your problem, and find ways to resolve it. :)
  • I agree that you sound controlling. When he didn't do them when you wanted him to (which he didn't know because he couldn't read your mind) - you got impatient, ticked off, and did them yourself... Then you made a big to do about it. Yes - if you want him to do something exactly when and how you want it done - you are obligated to tell him. My advice though - ease up and definitely drop it - unless you are bringing it up to apologize to him for expecting him to have read your mind. You are out of line here.

  • I have been there. I always cook all the meals and I want my husband to clean up ASAP, I dont believe in letting things just sit there to be forgotten.  What I have found is if I don't do them right away he will just get lazy and wait a few hours after wards.  At this point I don't get made its obvious that some man will not clean the dishes.  Best advice I can give you is prepare dinners Sunday night so you have more time during the week, it has helped me spend more time with my  husband after work and provides me enough time to clean all the left over dishes.
    image
  • I think it's really cool of you to ask for an outside opinion on this topic, and then really listen to the feedback.?

    And man, don't you think ECB should be a marriage counselor? : )

    Okay, so I have my two cents to add. I think it's great that you're realizing that your falling into the self-victimizing personality type before it gets out of control. Make sure that when you do something for someone, or for you and someone else (i.e. dishes), that you're not doing it for that satisfying feeling of being a martyr.

    Take a giant step back and look at it all in perspective: most people's true goal in life is to be happy, and I'll bet yours is, too! When you choose to do things (like frustratedly wash the dishes instead of asking your husband to do them), you're really choosing to be unhappy! It is a very common and sometimes addicting thing to savor these kinds of feelings. Once you recognize this pattern in your thoughts (and it sounds like you're well on your way), it only gets easier and easier to notice and control, until they virtually never pop up to tempt you anymore.

    ?Once again, good for you! And yes, the Five Love Languages is a great book : )?

  • I do appreciate all your kind words!  Thanks Abrilita!
    [url=http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thenest.com/tickers/ttf3c77.aspx[/img][/url]




    TTC since Sept '10

    IVF #1: Sept '11 (7R, 0F, Transfer cancelled)

    IVF #2: Nov '11 (8R, 3F, 3 8-cell embryos transfered)...BFN

    IVF #3: Jan '12 ER: 2/2 - 10R,3F ET: 2/5 - 3 8-cell embryos...BFP!!

    Betas: 2/14 - 25, 2/16 - 79, 2/20 - 116, 2/22 - 63 C/P



    5/25/12 - DH has varicocele surgery

    IUI #1 - Dec '12 (42 mil and 10 mil)...BFN.

    IUI #2.0 - Cancelled due to cyst.

    IUI #2.1 - Feb'13 (11 mil and 10 mil)...BFN

    IVF #4 - Mar '13...



    (Everyone Welcome) :)
  • Wow.  3 words:  Pick.your.fights.
    BFP July 11, 2009 ~ C/P July 15, 2009
    BFP 11/25/2009 ~ Blighted Ovum Discovered 12/10/2009 ~ Natural M/C 12/24/2009
    BFP 3/29/2010 ~ EDD 11/25/2010

    Sawyer Marshall ~ November 16, 2010
  • Yes. You keep saying it's a not a big deal, so make it not a big deal. The continuous conversation about these dishes is sending him mixed messages. Guys take you at your word. If you say no big deal and then just bring it up again and again, they get confused. They're also creatures of habit. You really could have asked him to do them beforehand. What was wrong with that? It was almost like a test. He's not a mindreader. It sounds like you get more out of him than most women. How much do dishes really matter in the grand scheme of things?
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I also want to throw in there why your husband might have gotten more worked up over the situation than you intended the issue to be. I kind of work the same way you do (and my husband kinda works the same way yours does) in that he helps me out a TON around the house regularly. Sometimes I expect him to have the intuition of another woman, and pick up on things that a female typically would - like noticing you were late, a bit frazzled, still in your work clothes, wanting a shower, etc. Buut guys arent wired like that, and unless you really mention it it goes overlooked.

    In my past experiences, when I've (what I thought was calmly, nicely) mentioned "hey, I wish you woulda done this for me, it would have been nice" he easily gets flustered because I overlook all that he DOES do and instead of appreciating that and thanking him for it, I expected more (and in his mind, complained about it). So to him- and maybe your husband, its coming off as "your never happy with what I do & I can't please you".

  • I appreciate your insight and have realized that I need to be a bit more careful with that. 
    [url=http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thenest.com/tickers/ttf3c77.aspx[/img][/url]




    TTC since Sept '10

    IVF #1: Sept '11 (7R, 0F, Transfer cancelled)

    IVF #2: Nov '11 (8R, 3F, 3 8-cell embryos transfered)...BFN

    IVF #3: Jan '12 ER: 2/2 - 10R,3F ET: 2/5 - 3 8-cell embryos...BFP!!

    Betas: 2/14 - 25, 2/16 - 79, 2/20 - 116, 2/22 - 63 C/P



    5/25/12 - DH has varicocele surgery

    IUI #1 - Dec '12 (42 mil and 10 mil)...BFN.

    IUI #2.0 - Cancelled due to cyst.

    IUI #2.1 - Feb'13 (11 mil and 10 mil)...BFN

    IVF #4 - Mar '13...



    (Everyone Welcome) :)
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards