Sex & Romance
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email [email protected]

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

Initiating Difficulty

I recently got off BCP because it left me completely dry not to mention reduced my drive dramatically.

Before I got off the pills, DH started talking to me about me initiating sex more.  I explained to him that because of BCP, I never felt like doing it and more often than not I didn't want him to touch me.  After discussing it for a little bit, we decided to get off the pills. I've tried different types.

I've been off the pills for a couple months now and my drive is back and sex is good. But, now I feel like I'm the only one initiating it. 

We've talked about having sex more often and both agree that that's what we want.  However, it's not happening as often as I'd/we'd like and I feel like it'll only happen if I initiate it.  Everything about sex is good once we are actually having it.  We have sex about 2 - 3 times a month.

How do I approach him about him initiating more? Or do I just keep doing it and hope he eventually shakes off the fact that I didn't initiate at all during the months I was on the pill?

 

[url=http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thenest.com/tickers/ttf3c77.aspx[/img][/url]




TTC since Sept '10

IVF #1: Sept '11 (7R, 0F, Transfer cancelled)

IVF #2: Nov '11 (8R, 3F, 3 8-cell embryos transfered)...BFN

IVF #3: Jan '12 ER: 2/2 - 10R,3F ET: 2/5 - 3 8-cell embryos...BFP!!

Betas: 2/14 - 25, 2/16 - 79, 2/20 - 116, 2/22 - 63 C/P



5/25/12 - DH has varicocele surgery

IUI #1 - Dec '12 (42 mil and 10 mil)...BFN.

IUI #2.0 - Cancelled due to cyst.

IUI #2.1 - Feb'13 (11 mil and 10 mil)...BFN

IVF #4 - Mar '13...



(Everyone Welcome) :)

Re: Initiating Difficulty

  • Say "I feel like I'm the only one initiating sex, and it hurts my feelings a little bit".  That's all.  Don't be accusatory, he'll only get defensive or upset if you tell him what HE'S doing wrong.  Ask for what you want,  something like "I'd really like it if you initiated sex, it would make me feel attractive to you".  2-3 times a month is not much at all, but everyone is different.  You clearly don't feel like that's enough, so talk about specifics on how much you'd like to have sex.  This shouldn't be too intimidating, you've married the man after all, and you married a man not a psychic.  Try this:

    I feel like I'm the only one initiating sex, and it hurts my feelings a little bit.  It would make me feel attractive if you initiated more and I'd really like it.  I wish we would have sex 2-3 times a week, can we try that for a while and see how we feel?

  • you could say, "hey, remember a few months ago you mentioned you'd like me to initiate sex more often?  well, i feel i've done my part and now i'm asking the same of you."  no biggie.  keep it casual and see how it goes. 
  • So what BC are you using now that you're off the pill? Just curious...
  • image MsEmma1980:

    Say "I feel like I'm the only one initiating sex, and it hurts my feelings a little bit".  That's all.  Don't be accusatory, he'll only get defensive or upset if you tell him what HE'S doing wrong.  Ask for what you want,  something like "I'd really like it if you initiated sex, it would make me feel attractive to you".

    I statments are the best route by far!  This way you are just telling him how YOU feel not blaming.  It is just getting into a new routine and he may not relize (sp?) that your sex drive has increased. 


    Anniversary Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • Thanks ladies! That was really helpful. It was kind of weird, because he initiated last night without me saying anything.  I was like "ok do I still bring it up?"

    I decided to talk to him anyway just to kee him informed.  I kept it light and even kind of joked about it.  He got the picture and hopefuly it'll be okay from now on.

    As a PP said, he hadn't realized that my drive was back up which is why he was waiting for me to let him know that it was okay (while on BC I had told him that I didn't want to be touched). :( Guess that stuck with him and he wanted to make sure I was wanting it again.

    We're actually not using anything (pull out) right now.  Shame on us but it wouldn't be the end of the world if we got pregnant.  I'm just beginning to chart and check my temprature and fluid levels to TTA.

    [url=http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thenest.com/tickers/ttf3c77.aspx[/img][/url]




    TTC since Sept '10

    IVF #1: Sept '11 (7R, 0F, Transfer cancelled)

    IVF #2: Nov '11 (8R, 3F, 3 8-cell embryos transfered)...BFN

    IVF #3: Jan '12 ER: 2/2 - 10R,3F ET: 2/5 - 3 8-cell embryos...BFP!!

    Betas: 2/14 - 25, 2/16 - 79, 2/20 - 116, 2/22 - 63 C/P



    5/25/12 - DH has varicocele surgery

    IUI #1 - Dec '12 (42 mil and 10 mil)...BFN.

    IUI #2.0 - Cancelled due to cyst.

    IUI #2.1 - Feb'13 (11 mil and 10 mil)...BFN

    IVF #4 - Mar '13...



    (Everyone Welcome) :)
  • gobigblue - your daughter is adorable! What is her name? Was this a recent pic?
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards